@ 5 years ago a guy asked me if he could call me. His wife wanted a separation and had moved out. Sure enough once he checked the phone bill it was her boss. They had 2 young kids. Always check the phone bill!

He was in shock like most upfront. Wondering how he could save his marriage, etc. I was pretty abrupt (imagine that 😎). Like most he tried talking to her. Even her therapist told her she was making a huge mistake (to her credit for a therapist).
A short time later one of his friends saw his wife and her AP out. That lit a fire. Luckily he had a great attorney and immediately filed for divorce. He sat his kids down and told them their mom had a boyfriend and they couldn’t be married anymore. Pretty sanitized. Told them who he was. Shockingly she’d already brought them around him. This is why I think the truth is so important. Kids aren’t stupid. Keeping them in the dark never get you a damn thing.
Once he got his feet under him he ran the hardest no contact I’ve seen. Like most she wanted to be friends and was really pissed he’d told the kids. How dare he!!!! He cut of all contact except text, email kids and D only. I mean he went totally stone cold on her. Even blocked her family (wonder where he got that idea😎).
Then he got a letter from her AP’s wife. My friend contacted her upfront 😎The AP’s wife wrote a long letter about how their affair has impacted not only her life but her kids too. My friend forwarded that letter to all family and their friends 💥

More later. This was just the start 5 years ago.

Guy handled it like a champ!

 

A lot like you.

 

Just wondered, why cut off her family? I am still in contact with my first husband's parents and sister. They did nothing wrong and were and are still my children's family. My marriage ended 22 years ago and my now husband of 16 years is more than happy to know my relatives as I still see them as.

 

It’s a form of contact he just didn’t want. They were ok with her having an affair. She is their daughter and they aren’t his family. Why be around that?
He has a large family and they do a lot together.

Plus there are some FOO issues.

 

Continued

After he filed for divorce. He boxed up all her belongings, pictures, etc. and stored them in his garage. To make a long story short he ended up paying alimony for 5 years, child support, usual asset split etc.
It’ll be 4 years end of this year so only another year before alimony ends. He has a great job and makes very good money but….
The X kept asking to get together “for the kids”, etc. He just doesn’t respond. He learned to ignore. It always amazes me they all of a sudden want whats best for the kids after blowing their life up.

Upfront he was down. Almost 40 blah, blah, bah. I told him you are going to be pleasantly surprised. A few weeks later he texted me. I don’t have time to date them all!!!!!
He played it smart. Never introduced the kids to anyone he was dating. He dated a lot!!!! A few came along that were maybe what he was looking for but he was in no hurry, not really sure. Most were contacting him. So a few years go by and he was contacted by what appeared to be a keeper but he still played it cool. Dated her for a year or so before deciding and finally introduced her to the kids.

His kids get along well with her. She puts in a lot of effort with the kids (he’s a great father, much better than I was). Makes a lot of effort around his mom. You can tell she’s a good person. Just by her actions with and around his family.

They are getting married tomorrow. So even though he got lemons 5 years ago. He made lemonade. I love a happy ending 👏👏👏👏

 

Unlike a lot once he got over the shock he went full bore to move on. He is accommodating on helping keep the kids xtra if his x needs help and I think she does the same. However, he limits all communication to text kids only. Anything else he ignores. He got a huge text last week from the X titled Things I Should Tell My Husband or something like that. He deleted without reading it. Now that is some willpower!
His x is a stalker/snooper and it’s apparent that she wants to matter. Plus she knows he’s getting married even though he never tells her anything.

 

Unlike a lot once he got over the shock he went full bore to move on. He is accommodating on helping keep the kids xtra if his x needs help and I think she does the same. However, he limits all communication to text kids only. Anything else he ignores. He got a huge text last week from the X titled Things I Should Tell My Husband or something like that. He deleted without reading it. Now that is some willpower!
His x is a stalker/snooper and it’s apparent that she wants to matter. Plus she knows he’s getting married even though he never tells her anything.

I've found that there are women who, even though they don't necessarily want their ex, also want to think they were soooooo important that he couldn't move on.

I call this the princess imagination syndrome. My ex's first wife was like this....didn't want him but still wanted to be important. Of course his ****ty boundaries didn't help, but I digress.

Of course she may just be pissed off that he's not available to be plan B.

 

Hopefully he will have a few good friends at the wedding who are on the lookout for the ex just in case she wants to show up and make one last stand

 

Nope, they went away for the wedding and honeymoon. I think it’s more of her needing to matter now. He’s kept that door shut going on 4 years so…..

 

I don’t think he owes her a damn thing. Good for him for moving on & taking care of his kids

 

Great share and advice @Marc878 .

 

Just my opinion but the one thing I learned mainly from business is a decision is better than no decision.
Doing nothing or waiting around is not a decision. You can always alter or change course if issues warrant it.
The only one that can make you a chump or keep you in limbo is yourself.

 

Just my opinion but the one thing I learned mainly from business is a decision is better than no decision.
Doing nothing or waiting around is not a decision. You can always alter or change course if issues warrant it.
The only one that can make you a chump or keep you in limbo is yourself.

Active mistakes are better than passive misktakes. From the former you gain insight into what you could’ve done better, from the latter you learn only that you should’ve done something.

 

This was a great read. Reminded me of my divorce after my ex's multiple EA's / PA's. I cut her family off stone cold. My reasoning was simple. They sided with her with my exMIL even going as far as to say when the last PA was revealed to her that I made her think she'd raised a sl*t... I didn't bother to respond with the obvious 😂

As far as the rest of her family went (her 2 sisters and their husbands) the husbands, who I'd become good friends with (or so I thought) over the 23yrs my ex and i were together, didn't bother to call or find out how I was coping after the ex left. So they deserved to be cut off as far as I'm concerned.

At my daughter's 21st a few years back my exMIL tried to befriend my wife (I remarried) and said they should get together and have coffee.... my wife said no thanks. ExMIL said she missed me and I'd always been so good to her and FIL.. yeah right pity that was forgotten as soon as her little lamb's sl**ty behaviour was revealed to her.

The final point I had to make to my family (my folks and brother) who had the same approach as Dianna7 ie the family hadn't done anything to them, I had to remind them of the way I was treated my ex's family at large and that if they (my family) were okay with that then I felt it was betrayal. In my view rather like being friends with the family of the person that murdered a family member of yours.

Anyway its a free world and one size doesnt fit all as they say but in summary it was amazing to me how my ex and her family tried to be friends after what she did to me. No thanks. I have had zero contact with any of them since my daughters 21st and its awesome. Only one more event possibly and thats my daughters wedding...then never ever again.😂

 

This was a great read. Reminded me of my divorce after my ex's multiple EA's / PA's. I cut her family off stone cold. My reasoning was simple. They sided with her with my exMIL even going as far as to say when the last PA was revealed to her that I made her think she'd raised a sl*t... I didn't bother to respond with the obvious 😂

As far as the rest of her family went (her 2 sisters and their husbands) the husbands, who I'd become good friends with (or so I thought) over the 23yrs my ex and i were together, didn't bother to call or find out how I was coping after the ex left. So they deserved to be cut off as far as I'm concerned.

At my daughter's 21st a few years back my exMIL tried to befriend my wife (I remarried) and said they should get together and have coffee.... my wife said no thanks. ExMIL said she missed me and I'd always been so good to her and FIL.. yeah right pity that was forgotten as soon as her little lamb's sl**ty behaviour was revealed to her.

The final point I had to make to my family (my folks and brother) who had the same approach as Dianna7 ie the family hadn't done anything to them, I had to remind them of the way I was treated my ex's family at large and that if they (my family) were okay with that then I felt it was betrayal. In my view rather like being friends with the family of the person that murdered a family member of yours.

Anyway its a free world and one size doesnt fit all as they say but in summary it was amazing to me how my ex and her family tried to be friends after what she did to me. No thanks. I have had zero contact with any of them since my daughters 21st and its awesome. Only one more event possibly and thats my daughters wedding...then never ever again.😂

You see this all the time. People don’t want to judge or take sides? Really? It’s ********. You can bet your ass. If they don’t take your side when it comes to infidelity/betrayal. They are judging you. YOU DON’t MATTER!!!
Why in the hell do you want people like that in your life? It’s a perfect time to take out the trash.

 

 

Boss is the only term that applies. Great post!

 

He did a great job. The only solution to a cheating wife is immediate divorce and never look back.

 

There are some that would never cheat again. The problem is repeated infidelity is not that uncommon nor is it gender specific. So how do you really know? The truth is you don’t. Cheating is not a mistake. It’s a decision. Normally it takes time, effort and planning.
IMO you should take the time to answer the question. Knowing what you know now would you marry them? That’s what reconciliation is. A remarriage.

 

There's just so much wrong here. I'd rather be single that stay with a woman another man has defiled. For me, infidelity is the ultimate disrespect of a relationship and can never truly be fixed. But some men don't mind being cucks...

 

Nice story.. too many lessons to learn there! Sometimes cutting people off and focusing on you and self care is really what needs to be done. If it's for the best then it's for the best. Also shows people's true colors.

 

If anyone tries the reconciliation route there are specifics that should be in place.
Can the betrayed spouse live with it long term?
Recourse not just sorry about getting caught. Hard for some to determine.
Zero contact with the AP
The truth
Transparency
Exposure to the other betrayed spouse if there is one
Individual Counciling (if you can find a decent one)

In this case the specifics weren’t there and he wisely chose to move forward. Life is pretty short. I’ve seen some waste a lot of time and effort tying up months, even years in these things.

 

If my wife and I were to split for whatever reason and I were to run into her family at Wal Mart or wherever, I would be polite and say hi.

If they kept it at common pleasantries like where are the kids going to college etc I wouldn’t have any issue with mundane small talk. I mean just because we split doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk about it.

But if they tried to influence me or sway me into doing something I wasn’t inclined to do - buh bye.

 

If my wife and I were to split for whatever reason and I were to run into her family at Wal Mart or wherever, I would be polite and say hi.

If they kept it at common pleasantries like where are the kids going to college etc I wouldn’t have any issue with mundane small talk. I mean just because we split doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk about it.

But if they tried to influence me or sway me into doing something I wasn’t inclined to do - buh bye.

You don’t have to be a jerk to apply no contact if that’s what you want or feel you need. In this case if they see him and say hi. He responds but not much more than that. Civil but distant.

 

I don’t believe in karma. I believe for the most part your life is what you make it. If that entails cutting undesirables out of it, good. Why waste time on those types.

 

Got a message this morning. They are married and now on their honeymoon!
🥳🥳🥳👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏😎😎
He made lemonade out of lemons.

 

THE LEMONADE MAN!!!
🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋

 

The one thing I see in situations like this is so many try and hide it, lie to kids and family, etc.
Whenever I hear “I’m gonna take the high road”. To me that’s a conflict avoidant, doormat. Doormats get walked on. Clearing the air is a good thing. I think it makes moving on a lot easier if you get that crap off your chest.
The other thing you often hear is revenge is bad. BS. If you let people treat you like crap you’ll just get more of it.
Revenge or consequences are great if well planned and executed properly. Plus it has the effect I’ve found if people know you won’t tolerate unacceptable behavior they don’t cross that line. It makes life a lot easier.
When my friend mailed the letter from the AP’s wife to all friends and family it definitely cleared the air and let everyone know what was going on.
It’s also a perfect time to evaluate people around you. The definition of friend is loyal, honest, trustworthy. It’s a perfect time to empty the trash.

 

They are on their honeymoon 🥳. It took him awhile but he’s now onto a much better life.
We spoke the other day and he now realizes he’s got a much better future than he could have ever had with his X. It did take a lot of time/effort but it’s paying off.

 

Can't like this while thread enough.

 

Did your friend's ex-wife ever show any contrition or did she ever apologize to him at all?

 

No, later on she kept bugging to get together for the kids, etc. A lot of blame shifting which is typical. He learned to ignore pretty early. No social media, etc. So there’s not a lot of distraction or interference on his end. His willpower on eliminating unnecessary contact is great from what I’ve seen.

 

Update

So no one’s kept hanging. They are expecting their first child (girl) in August. His alimony ends in October. It seems like his X has finally accepted her place. She’s no longer trying to matter.

 

Is the Ex happy with her life choice and "Soul Mate". How are the kids doing? Which parent do they feel more secured with?

 

They had their first child in October. Alimony ended. Great timing!

 

I really liked your story