Hows yousa holdin up MF?

 

Well..............pretty ****.

Came back from my work trip to discover she was at Dinner with my kids and the guy I originally thought she was cheating with back in December which she denied and continues to, apparently our kids are just best friends now and she did him a favor and looked after his kids and they all went and grabbed pizza together after he picked back up. Allegedly i am paranoid and its just kids playing and nothing is going on, today she has been really fast though helping me finalize the Divorce agreement edits and oh so friendly again.

Last night she was basically telling me I was an a-hole for accusing her and I need to accept she is going to start dating soon anyway and we have basically been divorced 6 months so time to move on.

I really hope the agreement comes back ASAP to sign before anything else can change.

 

Are you surprised?

 

Stupidly i was still not figured out how she has managed to pull if off and really did not expect her to be brash enough to do that and think it is OK but I guess she does keep surprising me.

She is becoming more of a stranger every day I barely recognize her anymore.

 

I'm sure your kids are thrilled...

 

They Don't really even realize what is happening just yet, I can see it as a soft intro to make sure all is well before he gets 'officially' introduced in another role. I just still can't believe it just the blatancy of it and still denying, married over a decade and she really pulled the wool over my eyes on who she was.

 

she is a manipulating selfish *****, she used sex to keep you intow until she arrange everything. Unfortunately you did not see that clearly. Be angry (positive) and act like an alpha male at least now. Tell her she cannot bring POS in to contact with your kids until divorce. Tell kids how bad their mom behaved. Looks like you kept this betrayal to yourself. Tell everyone. Is the POS single (not it matters to you now. At least you can inform OBS if there is any). These types of guys often lies. Being a beta male has brought you most of this distress. Since POS and WW are local expose this depraving behavior. Do not allow them to move around like nothing happened. Acting like alpha also make your mind strong.

 

He is single.

 

My impression from reading your thread from the beginning is that your stxw seemed to have a third party influence leading her to Divorce. However, you were adamant that she couldn't be cheating because you didn't see when, where or how. But, you mentioned often that you travel. For me, the traveling, could be the open door.

Then, I come back to your thread and find that you have found that's she's hanging with a guy you had a gut feeling about after returning from a trip. Interesting. I hope for your truth, your healing, your moving forward that you SEE. There has been outside influence working in this.

I also really hope that this the hasn't led you two both into an emotionally charged sexual encounter again with each other. This helps nothing!!!!

Hoping they best for you.............

 

Thanks and no we have kept very separate from each other.

I still don't quite believe it but all the signs are there clear as day.

 

Not been here for a while so thought I would provide a quick update.

She moved out, Kids have adjusted really well and do not seem to notice, she has been openly hanging around with POSOM and a lot of her Friends are disgusted in her, i saw a load of them Saturday night in a bar and they were all shocked and very nice towards me.

We should have signed but had the most incompetent mediator ever and she has ignored most of his emails so i have been fixing all errors and we are 99.9% there.

I found a sense of relief(hope it lasts), been busy with my friends just having a good time and if all goes well will be signing tomorrow and be done.

 

Thanks for updating! I'm glad you seem to be doing well, and your kids, too. Also glad to see that STBX is getting a little karma thrown her way via her friends. My friend who cheated is finding herself at the receiving end of some not so nice treatment from some family and friends. She really just doesnt seem to get what it is she has done...

I hope things continue on the upswing for you!

 

God bless you and your children, Moving Forward. With closure now, maybe you can look to the future and the possibilities it hold for you. Start a new thread sometime and let us know how you and the kids are. Good luck!

 

If you start a new thread in Life After Divorce, make sure you link to it in this thread so the TAMers who have followed your story thus far can continue to do so.

 

I will do, not sure when that is going to start but I will for sure do it.

I have always been disappointed with the lack of positive posts in the life after divorce forum and often looked there for some good but did not find much.

 

It's all about how you handle it. Lose a cheater and you gain a life.

If you can pull a hard 180. Not just talk about it but do it you'll be fine. If you linger you'll just stay in limbo longer..


It is all about how you handle your life and your mindset going forward. Totally up to you.

Get moving and never look back because there is nothing there except a waste of your time

 

MovingForward, don't beat yourself up over this. I did the same thing...lots of us did. I blamed myself and felt I wasn't good enough. The folks here tried to tell me my XWW was cheating. They gave me great advice. I dragged my feet and dealt with everything in my own naive way. I too have many regrets. The best thing is to do is put it all behind you as soon as possible and move forward. Time and distance will be your best friends.

 

Yes i know, I am as my name says moving forward with Life, getting used to new routine but still miss some aspects of old life.

It is so weird how we are blinded at the time and just cant see people for who they really are, best thing I have done is avoid any and all contact with her and carry on my life without giving her a second thought.

I am sure if i bump into her and the POSOM at some point some hurt and feelings will return but hopefully by that time I will be in such a better place it will be short lived.

 

Here's the problem which gets people into trouble. Reminiscing and missing are okay, wallowing and dwelling are not. The first two lead to the latter two when, you spend too much time on your own and in your head.

 

New Thread on Life after Divorce since singed and single

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/385497-first-week-after-divorce-build-up.html

 

The bottom line is it is not one spouse's job to make the other happy. If one spouse wants the other

to make them happy, try getting an aquarium, or a dog, a cat.

If one falls into this trap, they lose their identity of their "self." When the other notices this,

they lose respect for them. Ergo why many are here.

 

The bottom line is it is not one spouse's job to make the other happy. If one spouse wants the other

to make them happy, try getting an aquarium, or a dog, a cat.

If one falls into this trap, they lose their identity of their "self." When the other notices this,

they lose respect for them.[B/] Ergo why many are here.

MF this was you. In the future you do your 50% and expect 50% in return or you're liable to end up going through this again.

Mr Nice Guys get walked on regularly.

 

So I got back from my 2 week trip and me and the kids had a blast and did not want to come back it was pure bliss not having to have any dealings at all with my X. Dropped them off Saturday morning and managed to get in and out with barely a word or glance but any interaction at all no matter how small is painful and makes me feel very uncomfortable. She is dropping them off in tonight and I have knots in my stomach just thinking about it.

Her and POSOM are together constantly with our Children and I expressed concern about her breaking the court agreement and she threatened me with a restraining order for harassment so we are Zero contact even to do with kids from my side.

 

It always amazes me how quick they go to the restraining order threat.

 

Document, document, document.

 

She's told you and shown you she doesn't give a damn about you or what you think.

It's past time to take yourself out of the equation.

If you're trying to appeal to her sense of fairness you are **** out of luck.

Wise up to where you are and get on with your life.

All you're doing is keeping yourself in turmoil at this time and you're getting nothing out of it.

 

stay hard 180. It's your best way forward. You don't need a low class ***** in your life.

 

Going dark is the best thing ever, I felt so good on vacation not having to have a single thing to do with her, I wish I had done this months ago but i think I was too worried about making her mad and still in the back of my mind hoping things would change, I was in a weak weak mindset.

 

Right now awkward is good. If you're smart you'll stay there.

 

Definition of friend = loyal, trustworthy and honest.

Snakes are pretty but they are poisonous and they bite.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post

and in the meantime..... try to get your kids more. Your kids are young.... she's playing the long game.

Getting in the mud with her will........... ????? Play smarter.


We spend great time together when they are with me it is perfect, I just ignore when they are not and do my own thing I cant stop her doing anything




You are a Brit, I should have worded this different. Your XW will try and get the kids more.

That is her long game. "Getting in the mud" means she will play dirty... whenever needed.

Once her and POSOM get settled in, she will want the kids as much as possible. That is where

the dirty play will ramp up. They're going to "play house" for awhile. That's what cheaters do.

It won't last. But in the meantime, ignore her pathetic BS, devote time to you n kids,

you have many years you lost to her by "making her happy," make yourself happy for a change.

Watch out for the texts about kids, they will be followed by six paragraph anger dumps.

She has to blame you...... she sure as sheet will not blame herself.

 

funny i have received a few texts like that since the divorce complaining about the kids and how i need to take action just like when we were married.

No contact is the only way for me ignore everything and only time be available if she wants me to have kids on her time or she has to cover for me for work with them

 

You're keeping copies of those texts, right?

 

I have everything she has sent me, funny that she keeps all my stuff also.

Have IC tonight which I am looking forward to need a good rant.

 

w

 

You've come a long way. Don't regress. She is who she's always been. That will never ever change.

Stay hard 180 and finish making your own life.

You aren't there yet but time will cure that. If you do this right.

If you let others make their problems yours they will gladly oblige you.

Concentrate on you.

 

Got more abuse from the XW last night. She picked kids up from school and took them for ice cream knowing I had plans to take them for dinner which took 1 hour of her time and was done solely to interfere with my dinner plans(she used same trick before), she then gave me time she was dropping them and I arrived home 5 minutes after this time. This resulted in me allegedly ruining her workday, being billed per minute for child care, going back to court, no more favors(never done any) and just being a terrible selfish person!

I guess someone is not happy LOL

 

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

It will get worse.... before she leaves you alone (for the most part)

When she does these things.... just smile, a schiteatinggrin smile....

I'm sorry you feel that way
I see things otherwise
Done yet....
IDGAF / remind me to GaF (my personal one)

Walk away... do not engage

 

Sometimes, you just have to laugh. She's never going to change her behavior, so there's no use getting upset. Besides, she wants to get under your skin. If you just let it roll off your back, you will be less stressed, plus it will have the bonus of making her crazy.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

 

Sometimes, you just have to laugh. She's never going to change her behavior, so there's no use getting upset.

Very wise.

https://youtu.be/jL_317TGvbk?t=32s

"Happy" by Chuck Cannon, one of the great lyricists and songwriters.