I'm a 28 year old woman. I agree that it looks disgusting out in public. If he had a problem with it in your home it would be a different story. Every time I see someone without a bra in public I cringe. I know bras suck but the more you pay the more comfy they are. Have you tried any full coverage bras from Victoria's Secret ? Or maybe a bra without underwire? I know many will disagree with me but I'm on your husbands side on this one


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Ok. I wanted honest replies so i respect your opinion. I dont think it looks bad when i see other women but its not my opinion that counts. So thanks for being honest.

I used to wear very comfy bras but i have just got used to not wearing one and they all feel uncomfortable and just doesn't feel right

 

I woud ask to to explain in better words than the one he is using and the true concern... it may take a few tries to get it to the surface but there is probably something more to it than the word he is using.

And no... if that is comfortable for you then that is your business, just be as respectful as you seem to be.

 

I also cringe when I see braless women in public. It just seems...slovenly and a bit trashy to me.

 

That’s why I’m all for it. B cup or less? No need to hold them back.


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My W does not wear a bra around the house. She will out in public. If not for gravity doing what gravity does the colder weather tends to make her nipples stand at attention. Men being men(pigs LOL) will stare like deer in the headlights. She is not a fan of that normal bodily function. My W does like the push up bras. She feels it helps with her form. Helps with the nipples and cold weather.

I don't find it gross. But it really is not something I see often. Perhaps your H could use a better word? Finds it unappealing perhaps?

 

I think your hubby lacks good communication skills.

However, you should respect his feelings.

Why hurt him intentionally if you don't have to.

 

I think the way he chose to communicate this to you was rather insensitive and I can see why you're upset. Maybe you should talk to him and tell him that he could have communicated his feelings in a different way.

Also, I don't have a problem with braless women in public. Every person has a right to decide what they're comfortable with.

 

It's your body, and your choice, if you are comfortable with the possible attention you may attract. We still live in a very puritanical society, though, so perhaps keep that in mind, and he may have had a conservative upbringing. Even so, his response is insultingly exaggerated, and he needs to learn to express his concerns better. However, also consider what you'd think if he wore a tiny speedo at the beach, etc.

 

However, also consider what you'd think if he wore a tiny speedo at the beach, etc.

I think the equivalent would be more like wearing a tiny speedo at the grocery store, the bank, or a restaurant.

That’s why I’m all for it. B cup or less? No need to hold them back.


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A cups don't look as bad braless, but I think B cup is the border between "whatever" and "eww, trashy slovenly and underdressed".

 

How big of a deal do you want to make this? The key to a happy marriage is knowing what to fight over and what to let go.

 

Gee I must be asexual or something, I never notice if a woman is wearing a bra or not.

Maybe the husband should wear a bra...or as someone else put it..a comfy bra (are these bras made out of clouds or silk) and see how he feels walking around with them.

Your body, your choice. Tell him to kick rocks

 

Maybe the husband should wear a bra.

Some do. Let's not go there.

 

The delivery was bad for sure, but he does have a point based on society as it stands right now. There are lots of pervs out there.

I am a woman, and like you, I hate wearing a bra, but it is sadly a necessary evil. Honor his wishes and wear a bra in public. It's not a terrible request IMO. Like the other poster stated, learn to pick your battles.

On a more humorous note, be glad he is disgusted by it and not like all for it like @WorkingOnMe is.

 

Disgusting, cringe worthy, slovenly, trashy, unappealing, eww. Are we talking about beards again?

It's about the same importance in my mind. Mrs. Nail wears unless she is sleeping that is her choice and I keep my opinion out of it. At 50 + years old an a solid D cup it's probably best for everyone. But if she was like many women I know and ripped it off the minute she walked thru the door, I wouldn't be complaining either. Way back when I had a GF who was on the smaller size and she went with or with out depending on what she was wearing. It did not give me jealousy issues or make me cringe. It was just how she felt comfortable.

 

@Kate-Delv At the risk of causing offence to some other TAM folks, I think that a woman going braless in public can be a very attractive look. (Hippy skirts, gypsy blouses, oh! Flashback! )

And I would guess that the idea of men (and women, I knew a Lesbian who thought the braless look rocked!) happening to see you going out braless might be why your husband has a problem with you being braless.

 

Might be that it makes him feel insecure having guys check you out when you're going braless. As guys we have acceptable and unacceptable emotions we can express. It's not okay to say we're scared, so we pretend we're angry. Saying it's disgusting might have been easier for him than being vulnerable and saying it makes him insecure.

 

Exactly this. His poor choice of words. You and your rack is not disgusting.
You going out without wearing a bra is his wife putting on to good of a show.

 

Hi everyone



Any help would be appreciated.



I realize this may not seem like a big issue to most but it is to me right now and i need to fix it as im hurt. It doesn't sound serious to some but its serious and hurtful and confusing enough for me to join a forum so please see it from my eyes.



To make a long story shortish, weve been together for 8 years and have one child. Overall everything is and has been fantastic!



For various reasons, after having our child, i did not leave the house for years unless very necessary (personal issues)



I am now more active again and go out a little. Because ive been home for so long i have gotten accustomed to not wearing a bra.



The other day, my hubby told me that if i leave the house i must wear one. I asked him why and he responded by telling me its disgusting. This upset me as i took it as an insult to my looks. (Because im older (37 years) and have breast fed

(But i know personally my breasts have not had a big change most likely due to them being on the smaller side)



I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. All women look disgusting if they are braless. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)



Im trying to work out where this came from. Yes i used to wear one but now i am accustomed to not wearing one and its much more comfortable.



It still hurts me what he said and its difficult to get much more info out of him than what ive said here.



So as silly as this sounds, its affected my thoughts on our relationship (not seriously but enough to upset me) because i in a way still feel he is saying YOU look disgusting.



What i guess i need to know is honest opinion from both male and female is does being braless in public really look disgusting to others? Or is it some issue my hubby have?



Thanks

K

Were you going to wear a shirt or a top?


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Nah...just let them fall as they may.

 

Interesting the split between the women and the men. I haven't seen it often, but I'm of the opinion it's tacky and trashy.

Gives me the impression that they are trying to get attention.

 

Personally I am not particularly modest about my breasts. I think people need to chill. However, if my husband had a problem with me not wearing a bra in public, I'd wear one. It may be uncomfortable, but you'll get used to it. Find some sports bras that are soft and comfy and wear one of those when you go out.

I think you're making way too big of a deal over this. Your husband thinks it's disgusting for women to go out in public without a bra on. He doesn't think you are disgusting. He thinks it's immodest and messy. Many people think the same way that he does. Many people think this is an issue of modesty, not just whether it looks "good" or not. To some people, going without a bra is almost like going topless. I disagree, but it doesn't really matter what I think about it. What matters is that your husband is offended by it and he is not unusual. He's not asking something strange and unusual of you. He wants his wife to look decent when she goes out. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

 

Thanks everybody. Different views but i needed to hear them

 

Kate I really don’t think your husband is talking about how you look personally to him.

You caught him off guard. You went from wearing a bra out in public to not. I think if you had always gone with or with out early on it would make a difference now to him. It’s the change that has thrown him off.

 

Perhaps appropriate and inappropriate are better words.

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Woman here.

I almost never notice if a woman is wearing a bra or not. In my opinion, whether someone looks trashy or slovenly has to do with the overall appearance. If someone was clean and decently dressed and I simply happened to notice they weren't wearing a bra, I would not think the lack of bra made them suddenly look trashy. If someone looked dirty, unkempt, and sloppy and had a bra on, I wouldn't be thinking they were not slovenly after all.

I suspect your husband has some ingrained ideas about modesty and is having trouble communicating with you. Perhaps you could go get some soft and comfortable sports bras to start. And, please do try to talk to your husband about this without attacking him or making him responsible for your hurt. Ask questions with the right tone and see if he can find more suitable words to convey his feelings about it.

 

If you look up the word "sloven" the dictionary says messy and careless. But people, including myself, have always used the word to mean lazy and low life.

So, I grew up being taught, and it also became my own opinion, that you shouldn't walk on the back of your shoes. I thought that was sloven and looks bad. But when mules became popular, I began walking on the back of a pair of gym shoes I had. They were a very expensive pair, and I thought it made them look like mules. A friend of mine told me "That looks so sloven." She and I were always honest like that with each other, so I wasn't offended. And, like I said, it was always my own opinion too. I don't know why I thought I was so special and could get away with doing something that I, myself, felt shouldn't be done. While mules may be a fashionable type of shoe, it's still disgusting to walk on the back of your shoes even though it makes them look like mules.

In that same manner, it's really just a standard that some people have that a woman should always wear a bra in public. As you can see, there are people here who agree with your husband. For some, it's not a matter of looking disgusting. It's just a matter of standard and seems sloven when a woman doesn't wear one. You are probably too young to know, but it used to also be a standard that women should always wear a girdle, even very slender women. It was just a standard and not as though every women needed to wear a girdle or that they looked disgusting if they didn't. It was a shameful thing not to wear one and not a disgusting thing. Just part of what was considered proper attire. The public's opinion about wearing a bra is the same thing.

I think you took your husband's words out of context. He did answer your question to exempt you from LOOKING disgusting. To him, it's a disgusting thing for a woman not to wear a bra in public, and that doesn't necessarily mean a woman looks disgusting without one. He was only trying to say he thinks it's something a woman should do, and going braless in public is something a woman shouldn't do.

No real reason to be hurt or offended. We women are often a little sensitive about our looks and what our men think of our looks. So, you mistakenly took his meaning as some kind of personal affront, but it really wasn't.

 

No real reason to be hurt or offended. We women are often a little sensitive about our looks and what our men think of our looks. So, you mistakenly took his meaning as some kind of personal affront, but it really wasn't.

I think using terms like "disgusting" in reference to not wearing a bra, or walking on the backs of one's shoes is hyperbolic at best, because it is a term most often used with the intent to offend. "Disgust" is drenched in judgment and is meant to describe a state of feeling or being that is extreme.

Words matter; they mean something. And, there are many to choose from!

 

My XWW would never leave the house without wearing one and didn't even want a bra strap to show. GF is the same way. For me? A woman who is not wearing a bra shouldn't expect me to be looking at her face when we're talking and shouldn't expect it. Maybe I'm old fashioned but to me, it's a statement of "look at me!" :nerd:

 

Having a spouse who is well endowed, I say, wear the bra. Go bra less when you are with your hubby. My wife gets enough attention called to the twins during the day, I don't need more stress by having them basically "shoved" into other men's hands and faces!

If you haven't been out in awhile, you need to start out conservative to a point anyway.... Learn your boundaries as like others have said, they will be taken advantage of....

 

What do people think of men going commando, especially on track suits and short shorts.

 

Tripping hazard.

 

A well fitting, comfy bra can make you look amazing.

Just saying.

 

I read an article about police ticketing women for being topless at some beach, and they did a poll if it should be legal or not. Women were far more likely to be oppose legalizing it, even though it was their liberty that would be restricted.

So far this thread seems entirely in keeping with the article.

 

No accounting for scruples. Everybody should WANT to be able to do whatever they and everybody else please?