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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am evidence gathering.

My wayward had a 'secret' email account he used to speak with OW. Found a lot of email between them, also a sales order for a gift he bought for her. Sometime later, the email account he was using - a freebie webmail account became unreliable and he got another different account and the contact continued there.

What I'm trying to understand is this: He has forwarded some of the emails from the old account to the new one. They are emails from OW and they are ones that seem important to him. What I don't understand is that one of these emails that he seems to want to keep, i.e., he's forwarded it to the new current account is the sales receipt for the gift he bought her.

Why on earth would he want to keep that? Any opinions would be helpful because I just don't get it. You would think he would get rid of something so damaging but he's kept it. What gives???
 

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Many times trying to figure out the mind of a wayward spouse can be futile. My estranged husband did many things which made no sense at all. Gather your evidence. Don't get caught up in the "whys". It will drive you crazy (and waste time).
 

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As a former extremely reformed and remorseful wayward, I hope this helps although it may seem painfully awful. The receipt, I would imagine is being kept as a memento. Not being completely sure of what has happened between them or how long they may have been speaking, I don't want to speculate too much. 827Aug is absolutely right though, don't spend time trying to figure out the 'why's' right now. Keep collecting information, print out emails, keep them somewhere safe just for your own peace of mind. Does he have a phone? Are emails the only way they are communicating? It could be purely emotional and cyber at this point. Does he get on the computer late at night, does he have a video camera on his computer or a web cam? Skype? etc. Look up a good key logger program. There are many out there they can be installed on the computer and hidden from other users. You could google the email account that he is sending to. It could give you some leads, but if you do, remember to delete the history on the computer. Speaking of, have you checked the computer history or is he deleting that?

I am sorry for you, I wish there was something that could make this less painful but I would say keeping your head level and calm, having all your ducks in a row and picking an optimum time to address this is the best plan. If you do not have as much detail as possible, he will try to find a "simple" way out of the truth.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
As a former extremely reformed and remorseful wayward, I hope this helps although it may seem painfully awful. The receipt, I would imagine is being kept as a memento. Not being completely sure of what has happened between them or how long they may have been speaking, I don't want to speculate too much. 827Aug is absolutely right though, don't spend time trying to figure out the 'why's' right now. Keep collecting information, print out emails, keep them somewhere safe just for your own peace of mind. Does he have a phone? Are emails the only way they are communicating? It could be purely emotional and cyber at this point. Does he get on the computer late at night, does he have a video camera on his computer or a web cam? Skype? etc. Look up a good key logger program. There are many out there they can be installed on the computer and hidden from other users. You could google the email account that he is sending to. It could give you some leads, but if you do, remember to delete the history on the computer. Speaking of, have you checked the computer history or is he deleting that?

I am sorry for you, I wish there was something that could make this less painful but I would say keeping your head level and calm, having all your ducks in a row and picking an optimum time to address this is the best plan. If you do not have as much detail as possible, he will try to find a "simple" way out of the truth.
Thank you for this. It is good to have a perspective from your side of the fence. The receipt is for underwear with her name/delivery address. This is not speculation, it is an emotional affair now turned physical. Like I said, I'm just gathering all the evidence at this stage.
 

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Thank you for this. It is good to have a perspective from your side of the fence. The receipt is for underwear with her name/delivery address. This is not speculation, it is an emotional affair now turned physical. Like I said, I'm just gathering all the evidence at this stage.

Im not one to keep quiet when Im mad so sitting on this would be hard for me. I'd probably go to VictoriaSecrets.com and ask him to help me pick out some sexy panties. I reek of sarcasm so I wouldnt be able to keep my mouth shut.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Im not one to keep quiet when Im mad so sitting on this would be hard for me. I'd probably go to VictoriaSecrets.com and ask him to help me pick out some sexy panties. I reek of sarcasm so I wouldnt be able to keep my mouth shut.
I like this:) I have known something was up for a while and have been concentrating on getting me in good shape so that I can deal with this. I am now emotionally detatched from the situation and am finding bits of it amusing (I mean, it really is pathetic.) The underwear he bought her (not my size, obviously) well I looked it up on line and it made me laugh to find he bought it on sale! Good to know he's getting a good bang for his buck...
 

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The receipt, I would imagine is being kept as a memento.
:iagree:

My ex kept every email and Facebook conversation that she had with the OM - over 200+ pages. She saved them on two thumb drives and printed out hard copies (which she kept in her hope chest.)

Waywards seem to forget the first rule of being a criminal - that is, don't keep incriminating evidence or souvenirs that can link you to the crime.
 

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:iagree:

My ex kept every email and Facebook conversation that she had with the OM - over 200+ pages. She saved them on two thumb drives and printed out hard copies (which she kept in her hope chest.)

Waywards seem to forget the first rule of being a criminal - that is, don't keep incriminating evidence or souvenirs that can link you to the crime.
Sometimes, too, and quite often, they want to get caught.

They are in denial about this and it is an unconscious motive.

The reason for wanting to be caught are varied. Sometimes it's to show they can replace you, sometimes they are hoping to make you jealous, or to make you fight over them or to realize what you may lose.

Not everyone wants to get caught unconsciously though. But a fair percentage likely do for various reasons.
 

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Many times trying to figure out the mind of a wayward spouse can be futile. ... Don't get caught up in the "whys". It will drive you crazy (and waste time).
This logic applies to everyone, not just Waywards.

Trying to understand why anyone does anything is an exercise in self destruction.
 

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Agree with everyone else, useless to try to understand how someone hopped up on affair juice thinks.

Probably as simple as it being attached to a memory of a 'big rush' of warm and fuzzy. Looking at it prompts another rush of goo-goo gaa-gaa. The mind in affair land is a funny thing, all it really requires is that they think about the affair partner to get a little boost of excitement. So, it's probably 'buzz maintainance'.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Sometimes, too, and quite often, they want to get caught.

They are in denial about this and it is an unconscious motive.

The reason for wanting to be caught are varied. Sometimes it's to show they can replace you, sometimes they are hoping to make you jealous, or to make you fight over them or to realize what you may lose.

Not everyone wants to get caught unconsciously though. But a fair percentage likely do for various reasons.
Wants to get caught??? Wow, he's going to wait a long time for me to fight over him.
 

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My wife saved all their emails, the chat story, most of the text messages (specific folder)... mementoes, glorifying the affair. Star crossed lovers, wrong place and wrong time, victims of fate.
I got all on DDay.
 
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