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Does your wife work full time?

I don’t think her going out to her friends house and staying out late is anything to get upset over. And putting a curfew on your wife is controlling.
Stop giving her money like a child and stop paying her bills like a child, and stop giving her curfews like a child.
Disagree 100% that he is being controlling. She is completely out of line for a married woman. I dont necessarily think she is out cheating, but her behavior for sure is not appropriate. How would she feel if the tables were turned and it was OP staying out til all hours with a buddy, wasting way too much money and neglecting things at home?? Wifey has a choice to make, she either loses the toxic friend, or her family.
 

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It just freaks me out on how many there are of these guys are out there. To sit there and watch and let a woman run all over them abuse them financially and of course cheating on them physically and emotionally just amazes me. “I’m afraid of what I’ll find out” wow.! Because without a doubt you do know the truth.! that’s why you’re here right.? Your wife is a no good cheater and a very broken woman. you’re just afraid to face it because you’re afraid of losing her.? And you’re fully aware that that older woman is no good and has had a major negative influence on your cheating wife.! She is a divorce woman. I bet if you looked into it you would probably find out why she is divorced because she cheated on her husband. You know for a fact that woman is not a friend of your marriage and that you need to remove her and her negative influence out of your marriage. Unfortunately It might be too late.

Look buddy your wife’s going to ruin your whole family if you don’t stand up and do something about it OK forget about losing cheating wife, you don’t know it yet but that’s going to be the biggest gift you ever received by losing her. If you don’t pull your head out of your ass stand up and be a man and take charge of your family and put a stop to this she’s take The whole family down your kids and you.! If you can’t do it for yourself then at least do it for your kids. Good luck we’re here to support you.
 

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Every spouse has a right to feel safe from infidelity. And every spouse has an obligation to conduct themselves in a way that is not suspicious.

Turning off the location, staying out late, socializing with a single woman at bars late at night, calling you controlling because she's not acting like a married woman is a big fail on the part of your wife. You are 50% responsible for marriage problems - but she is 100% responsible for her decision to act like a single woman.

You asked nicely - and she said NO.
This is a huge red flag.

You need to focus and evaluate her based on her actual behavior (not who you think she is or because she's a great mom).

I can't tell you how many betrayed spouses said: nope a PA is impossible - not my wife (or not my husband). People in affairs typically act very different sexually than with their spouse - and YES it's contrary to their long held beliefs.

The next step is for you to show zero tolerance for the girlfriend and your wife's behavior.
You must inform your wife that she can not control her and she can continue to live as a single woman - but not as your wife.

Your wife has to believe (really believe) that you will divorce her rather than tolerate her behavior.
 

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Every spouse has a right to feel safe from infidelity. And every spouse has an obligation to conduct themselves in a way that is not suspicious.
I absolutely LOVE this!
 

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Disagree 100% that he is being controlling. She is completely out of line for a married woman. I dont necessarily think she is out cheating, but her behavior for sure is not appropriate. How would she feel if the tables were turned and it was OP staying out til all hours with a buddy, wasting way too much money and neglecting things at home?? Wifey has a choice to make, she either loses the toxic friend, or her family.


We’re just going to disagree then. Having a girls night a couple times a month is not a crime. I’m pretty sure it’s important to have time with friends. Telling a spouse when they have to come home when they finally have get a couple days off to have fun is controlling. She isn’t doing it weekly. I understand that if she was partying in excess that would be inappropriate. But 2-3x a month is healthy.
 

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We’re just going to disagree then. Having a girls night a couple times a month is not a crime. I’m pretty sure it’s important to have time with friends. Telling a spouse when they have to come home when they finally have get a couple days off to have fun is controlling. She isn’t doing it weekly. I understand that if she was partying in excess that would be inappropriate. But 2-3x a month is healthy.
I agree with being able to have girls' nights, absolutely. And guys' nights, too. I didnt see that he stated how often she goes out, I didnt see only 2-3 nights a month, I get the impression its more often then that. When she DOES go out, her priority should be being a responsible adult for her husband and kids. This means being where she says she will be, when she will be there and being back home when she says she will. If the husband was doing this, people would be all over him about neglecting his wife and kids.

If someone doesnt want to consider their partner, then they shouldnt have a partner.
 

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Your current situation is not headed in a good direction and you need to take action and lead. Women respect and respond to strength in men. That means self respect, strong boundaries / expectations and the confidence and courage to enforce them. Women may not “like” it when a man has boundaries and holds them accountable, but they respect it and are attracted to it. Women hate weakness in men. They don’t respect it and will act accordingly when they see it.
As important as marriage/family is, your dignity and integrity as a man is more important than the outcome of your marriage.
You need to stop being weak, and lay out appropriate boundaries for her. You need to explain that you expect your wife to act like a wife, not a single woman. You need to be specific about your expectations and boundaries. Don’t be a tyrant but insist on respect and full transparency from her. Do not allow behavior or situations that are irresponsible, deceptive or could potentially endanger your marriage. You’re not not trying control her, she can act however she wants. But if she wants to act like a single woman, be irresponsible or deceptive, she doesn’t get to do it while being married to you. Don’t get overly emotional, don’t argue, your boundaries are not up for debate. Don’t be angry, be kind, loving but non-reactive. You have to be strong and consistent.
Hopefully she comes around. This may or may not work out the way you want it to but the current situation won’t improve by itself, it will likely deteriorate if you don’t set clear boundaries now. Take action, nothing will happen that you can’t handle.
Please understand my assessment and advice is genuinely intended to help you, and it’s the truth. Use this resource, the people here want the best for you and want to support you.

Good luck
 

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@Homebody75 how often does your wife do these late nights with her friend?

Also what exactly is bothering you the most? Are you scared she is going to cheat? You don’t want to stay home and watch the kids while your wife is having fun? She is spending her $ in ways you don’t approve? Do you not want your wife to go out and have fun without you? Is it the frequency of it? I don’t really understand what exactly your upset about.
 

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The OP just sounds controlling to me and completely disagrees with everything about her life choices. He follows her location, he wants at to give her a curfew, he doesn’t think wives should be “acting like this” and she should be home cleaning instead, he doesn’t approve of how she spends HER money...
 

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We’re only seen one side of the story, so there may be some controlling aspects that I don’t see. That said:

It’s not controlling to have an issue with his wife staying out at bars till the wee hours of the morning with a single friend (with location svcs turned off)

It’s not controlling to expect his wife to be responsible in communicating when she will be home and to follow through accordingly.

It’s not controlling for a husband and wife to have location services enabled so they can know where each other are if they need to/want to.

It’s not controlling for him to expect honesty and transparency from his wife when she’s out about where and who she’s with.
 

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Look H75, I am asking these questions to get a better picture of your life. People tend to carry their own baggage in and will give advice without the entire picture.

Do you have separate bank accounts?
 

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Discussion Starter #37
Thank you all sooo much for the support and advice. My wife goes to the friends house once a week maybe every other week to watch shows together. She leaves when the kids are in bed and comes home about midnight. The money situation it’s part of me being controlling of it. I felt that if I’m making the extra money for us to do extra stuff with the kids or by ourself then I have an opinion to how it’s spent. So I feel it should spent on both of us. She doesn’t go out to a bar often, but when she does she stays out late. We talked last night that started one sided on my part, partly because she didn’t see anything wrong. It got a little heated then calmed down. She blames herself for the way I feel about her friend. It’s not the friends doing l, it’s just the way she acts around the friend. Even thought she never acted this way around other friends at all. She still insists that she can be friends with the girl and will be more transparent with what she’s doing. I still have my assumption about something else going on. I am currently looking into a spy app on the phone. I hate to say it but I’m going to have to a little slick for a while and have her think I’m ok with everything to see if something is going on. Yes we have separate bank accounts. She always had school loans since we’ve bin dating so I basically pick up the rest of the bills, including her new car. But it’s a family car. Her money goes to her bills and maybe 2 “house bills” or mutual bills. Everything else comes from me, vacations, nights out, party gifts, ext. but from a previous post, made me really rethink that, and I am working on changing our finances. I get girls nights, she has those. When she’s with me she always has her phone and I’ve never seen her go an hour with out checking her phone. But she does when I text her, specially with the friend. At 2 in the morning. I called her 5 times because it was another hour between texting me back and her location was off. I kind of lost my cool by then. Not on her but had enough of her out so late. What makes me nervous is that she never got mad at me for calling her 5 times in a row. Is she guilty about it doing something so didn’t want to get mad at me? I don’t know. I could be looking way to into this, at this point I don’t know what to think. So if anyone has recommendations on a iPhone spy app I’m all ears. And this place seems like a good place to get some ideas. Once again thank you all for your support and advice. Positive and negative, agreeing with me and disagreeing with me. Definitely a learning curve for me. And I’ll be honest, the disagreeing post makes me feel better, it makes it seem like it’s more me then her. But I still need to get to the bottom of this.
 

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Discussion Starter #38
Just to add one more question (like I haven’t asked enough), what if I show her this post. There is a good mix of opinions. Personally, I kind of the fence leaning towards no, but maybe if she see this many neutral party reactions it might change something.
 

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Discussion Starter #39
Sorry for the constant post, but what I did tell her last night, and I have told her many times, is how I look at our marriage. I see it as she is my number one. Everything I do affects her. I lay my head down next to her, I come home to her every night. There is not one person in the world that could be worth conflict between the two of us. Every decision I make, will change my way of life and hers. No matter what. The movie “The Vow” with Channing Tatum had one good line about a cheating spouse, “I’m not going to leave them for the one thing they have done wrong, I’m going to stay with them for all the things they have done right”.
 

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The OP just sounds controlling to me and completely disagrees with everything about her life choices. He follows her location, he wants at to give her a curfew, he doesn’t think wives should be “acting like this” and she should be home cleaning instead, he doesn’t approve of how she spends HER money...
Sorry but you are putting words into his mouth.
I don't think that wives should be acting the way she is either, its completely inappropriate. Oh and BTW its not HER money, its THEIR money, they are married.
 
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