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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello and thanks to all you kind people who spend your time advising others.

Story:
Been with girlfriend 6 years lived together for 5.
Was planning on proposing at xmas, already have the proposal gift (wanted a watch not a ring..)
Looked at her facebook yesterday to find messages involving her and my estate agent, we live in rented property, flirting, dirty texting, sending pictures to each other...and most hurtful of all mentioning me in conversations "you looked so hot in your shorts today shame your boyfriend was there" etc etc. Anyway, the last message was from her inviting him to her room after a party in a hotel two nights ago.

>EDIT: im not a suspicious person, i was see'ing if her mum had given her any clues about my proposal that i had ran by her the previous week.

After confronting her i got the "it only happened once" bull**** and she just cries "dont leave me" and other such cliche's. She says she got caught up in the excitement of it all and liked the attention. The thing that cripples me though is that these conversations spanned over weeks and months, it's not a spur of the moment thing..it's a pre planned, thought out act. There was another message to another guy saying "shame you have a girlfriend, tonight couldve been fun".

The dilema i have is that i obviously love her, and was about to marry this woman. I'm inexperienced with relationships, this is the only one i have ever had and i truly believed that i would spend m life with this woman. But i can't get the images of her and him out of my head...having sex...holding her..kissing her..its disgusting.

Does anyone have any useful advice, because i have no idea what to do. At the moment im sleeping in the spare room, i cant look at her, but i cant bring myself to kick her out...i'm too decent a guy. On the other hand i just cant think of anything worse than kissing the lips of the lady that's been kissed by someone else two days previously.

I'm sorry that this isn't the most articulate post in the world, i'm hurting a bit right now.
 

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Apart from anything else that is very unprofessional of your estate agent.
Is he an employee? If so report him to his employers I would have thought they would take a dim view of him upsetting their tenants.

If he is the owner how are you going to feel handing over money to him. I mean ouch! You pay him, and he bangs your girlfriend, that would feel so demeaning.

I hope you have confronted him.

You will have to make the decision to split or reconcile but I have to say it doesn't look good, you are not even married yet and she has had one physical affair that you know of and has sent out feelers for another.
To be honest I'd be done, how could you trust her with marriage?
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
He is actually the Ex estate agent but used inspections to flirt with my girlfriend, and obviously the relationship stems from details he gained through his work.

I would confront him, but the guy is better looking than me, a semi profesional sports person, and he just banged my woman. I cant help but feel a bit vulnerable knowing that he has me beaten all ends up.

Thanks for the advice. I love her. But am i a fool.
 

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You had a good run with her but count her lost.
She KNEW you was about to propose and did this,,, watch not ring,,,. Then you throw in how easy she tried to throw it out of both pants legs with the guy with a girlfriend. That tell you she has been a busy girl.
You know why ??? Look at the guilt you feeling for seeing the emails. You are a moral person, she is looking for a easy going sucker. She may not have started out this way with you, but it seems she's gotten bored. OR she was this way all along, just hid it well since you wasn't looking.

Now, what ever you do, do NOT let her, family, or friends guilt you into staying with this woman.

Know what????? Go read TOOname thread " New wife had affair w/best friend.

DON'T let that be you !!!
Count this up as life experience and first love.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm a reasonably intelligent person, and i know that blaming myself is an irrational thing to do. But i can't help feeling like the world's biggest fool.

I worked 16 hours saturday night to pay for an engagement gift i bought last week.
She ****ed another guy saturday night.
 

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He is actually the Ex estate agent but used inspections to flirt with my girlfriend, and obviously the relationship stems from details he gained through his work.

I would confront him, but the guy is better looking than me, a semi profesional sports person, and he just banged my woman. I cant help but feel a bit vulnerable knowing that he has me beaten all ends up.

Thanks for the advice. I love her. But am i a fool.
Sorry, when I said confront I meant as in letting him know how disgusting he is and what a low life he was. But if he is not around any more then that is not an option.

Did they have plans to meet further?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Sorry, when I said confront I meant as in letting him know how disgusting he is and what a low life he was. But if he is not around any more then that is not an option.

Did they have plans to meet further?
Oh yeah i have no intention of violence, im a proffessional guy, 23 years old. I have proffessional registration to lose. But one reply of "i ****ed your girl" would be a crushing blow.

Thanks for the advice so far guys, you're a very kind community...and all i have at the moment.
 

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I'm a reasonably intelligent person, and i know that blaming myself is an irrational thing to do. But i can't help feeling like the world's biggest fool.

I worked 16 hours saturday night to pay for an engagement gift i bought last week.
She ****ed another guy saturday night.
And have you told her this? Because I would.

I would then give her the gift and tell her that it is worthless and means nothing to you. And she can do whatever she likes with it.

She invited him to her room:wtf:

FWIW dude I don't think this is her first time with him.

Why is he the ex estate agent?
 
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As for there is never a positive. WRONG !!!!
There is nothing like stumping in the face to make you feel better. BUT NEVER DO IT.
That's for ppl like ME. and believe me, I sleep very well.

Anon2, you are not me, so let me tell you a lil something.
He may look better, but he is NOT HALF the man you are. If he was, he would not be banging others SO
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ex estate agent just because we moved house. But i remember him coming around for inspections and stuff. Right under my nose. Jesus it's pathetic.

I'd give her it but..it cost £4500! Screw that!

From the sounds of the messages it is the first time they've done this. But it was a well thought out, calculated act. A drunken fling is different. That's what's destroying me.
 

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How is she acting now?

Other betrayed spouses have described their WS remorse as snot bubblingly crying, begging for forgiveness.
 

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Hello and thanks to all you kind people who spend your time advising others.

Story:
Been with girlfriend 6 years lived together for 5.
Was planning on proposing at xmas, already have the proposal gift (wanted a watch not a ring..)
Looked at her facebook yesterday to find messages involving her and my estate agent, we live in rented property, flirting, dirty texting, sending pictures to each other...and most hurtful of all mentioning me in conversations "you looked so hot in your shorts today shame your boyfriend was there" etc etc. Anyway, the last message was from her inviting him to her room after a party in a hotel two nights ago.

>EDIT: im not a suspicious person, i was see'ing if her mum had given her any clues about my proposal that i had ran by her the previous week.

After confronting her i got the "it only happened once" bull**** and she just cries "dont leave me" and other such cliche's. She says she got caught up in the excitement of it all and liked the attention. The thing that cripples me though is that these conversations spanned over weeks and months, it's not a spur of the moment thing..it's a pre planned, thought out act. There was another message to another guy saying "shame you have a girlfriend, tonight couldve been fun".

The dilema i have is that i obviously love her, and was about to marry this woman. I'm inexperienced with relationships, this is the only one i have ever had and i truly believed that i would spend m life with this woman. But i can't get the images of her and him out of my head...having sex...holding her..kissing her..its disgusting.

Does anyone have any useful advice, because i have no idea what to do. At the moment im sleeping in the spare room, i cant look at her, but i cant bring myself to kick her out...i'm too decent a guy. On the other hand i just cant think of anything worse than kissing the lips of the lady that's been kissed by someone else two days previously.

I'm sorry that this isn't the most articulate post in the world, i'm hurting a bit right now.
You're right, it was planned out and that makes it, in my eyes, more cold blooded compared to a drunken ONS type of thing.

She knew what she was doing all the way. Obviously she knew where she stood with you and how you felt about her.

And her excuses were classic. Only once, liked the attention.

Typical script. Does she understand that 'only once' may not mean a thing to you? Did she think your threshhold was 6,7, or eight times?( and can you take the word of a known liar as to the number of times?)

She doesn't really think that 'only once' is OK with you but is minimizing her offense.

I would think hard about taking her back and I say this knowing you love her. But think. You'll be spending the rest of your life with her, always wondering, questioning her activites and waiting for the next time that another guy pays her some attention.

Because now you know she has stayed, with little or no effort, and your feelings mean nothing to her
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I'd describe similar.
cant live without you
dont leave me
one off ment nothing
i love you
ill do anything

All the cliche's ...there is not one single thing that she could say to make this situation better.
However, the fact that i havn't kicked her out because i knowshe has no where else to go..must mean i love her.
 

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Ex estate agent just because we moved house. But i remember him coming around for inspections and stuff. Right under my nose. Jesus it's pathetic.

I'd give her it but..it cost £4500! Screw that!

From the sounds of the messages it is the first time they've done this. But it was a well thought out, calculated act. A drunken fling is different. That's what's destroying me.
OK. Wow you had her bad didn't you. That's some gift.

I'd still tell her about it, then return it to the shop if I could.

Or ask around all your mutual friends on facebook, advertise it as an unwanted engagement present.
 
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I'd describe similar.
cant live without you
dont leave me
one off ment nothing
i love you
ill do anything

All the cliche's ...there is not one single thing that she could say to make this situation better.
However, the fact that i havn't kicked her out because i knowshe has no where else to go..must mean i love her.
But it wasn't a one off was it? As you mentioned she was also putting feelers out towards another man.
 

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23 yrs old, man you just dodged the bullet. She knows the $$$$$ you will be pulling down man. But since she has done this so long, she just got careless and you busted her.

What I want you to do is get some IC for your self confidence.
You making good bucks, so spend it on you. Good dentist, new glasses, and clothes. Even a new hairstyle.
You have spent too many yrs at an young age focused on someone you never really knew. Now focus on yourself.
Oh, and just to throw a lil rality on ya, those lips was not just on his lips. VD tests NOW !!!! And don't believe her for a minute he used protection. We here KNOW cheating sex is unprotected sex.
So get the tests done yesterday. He had her and others, so you all have a connection. You know EXACTLY what I'm saying.
It's time to think of yourself now
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I havn't had sex with her since the date i know she cheated on me...the thought of that makes me feel ill.

Is it common to have an image of the two together in my head? It's that thought playing over and over. I attempted to go to work today but i'm a health proffessional, i shouldn't be treating people when my mind is not on the job.
In the relationship i make sure she is happy, cheer her up when she is down, generally i assumed my role is/was to provide and care for her. Now i see her crying my natural instinct wants to stop her crying and take care of her. I know this is an irrational idea, an pathetic as hell...so im fighting the urge. But a large part of me wants to console her and brush it under the carpet. This is obviously the wrong thing to do. I understand this.

I think i have issues...my parents got divorced when i was 13 and i still don't know the reason why, i never asked because it would hurt so i brushed it under the carpet and told myself i was mentally strong.

But that's another story! hahah.
 

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I'd describe similar.
cant live without you
dont leave me
one off ment nothing
i love you
ill do anything

All the cliche's ...there is not one single thing that she could say to make this situation better.
However, the fact that i havn't kicked her out because i knowshe has no where else to go..must mean i love her.
Ok you love her

and she knows it. And, cynically she's using that knowledge.

'one off meant nothing'

what did it mean to her then? if it meant nothing then why did she do it? It must have meant something to her.

Everyhing she said about it,what she will do for you to stay is all crap. If she is so remoresful now it's only because you found out.

Think hard, examine what you know. Do you think that this would have been a 'one off' if you had remained ignorant?

Or would she continue banging him only now wearing her new watch while doing it?
 
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
In the meantime also, i'm at home. She'll be here at 5. What do i do? Should i stay at my friends for the night? Or tell her to get out?I can't shout at her, it's not in my nature. She tried to talk to me last night and it just petered out into sat here in silence crying...i can't even look at her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I have another question, sorry!

Would talking to my parents about this be a bad idea, im aware that if things were to ever get better, im pretty sure they'd always look down upon her.

Why am i even considering her feelings?
 
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