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äfter reading some of the respenses on here particularly about women who have high sex drive when first with you then it fades away.... you call this the switch ...
:confused:
but my question is isnt some of this just life !??

my hubby and i never had sex before marriage, due to beliefs, we saw each other naked and both of us had been in relationships before where we had had sex, he was married 5 years before.

so why is it that we ( usually woman ) are expected to keep up the every night sex routine

.... plus have babies, which keep us awake and we are so tired we feel like dying !
have a career
keep the house clean
be an amazing cook
do all the finances...
the list goes on ......
plus have the energy, desire for sex every night still ?

i'm just wondering ?:scratchhead::confused:

my hubby told me he wasnt happy with our sex life from an early point becasue i didnt make moves 50% of the time.... even though i had fun, enjoyed sex and we did it frequently 2 to 3 times a week

:scratchhead: we had 3 children all under 4 and the first had problems where he never slept for more than 1 hour.... I was exhausted!!!
i didnt have time to do anything for myself let alone be a super woman.

also i had a lot of internal injuries after first bub and it was very very painful to do it but we did it anyway , i did it to please him

so is it the switch

or life
 

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.. i had fun, enjoyed sex and we did it frequently 2 to 3 times a week..
So does it means that, right now you are no longer doing sex 2 to 3 times a week?

Because, I think 3 times a week is already very normal, and that is not "the switch"

From what I know, Bait and Switch (TM) usually means, before marriage = giving sex. After marriage = no sex.

If still having 3 times a week sex, it is not Bait and Switch (TM).

Especially if the sex are mutually satisfying. It is not Bait and Switch, it is called Normal Life :D
 

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"Life getting in the way": Honey, I know our sex life has been off a bit since we've been so busy. What can we do to make things less busy so we can resume what we had before?

"Switch": Honey, I know our sex life has been off a bit since we've been so busy. Your needs aren't important enough to change life enough to restore what we once had so please get used to it.
 

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Very few spouses are reasonably expecting sex every night. Very few, if any, spouses are expecting sex when their spouse has medical problems. These sound like strawman arguments to me.

But yes, you have to work at it. If you do, you can maintain a mutually satisfactory frequency and level of enjoyment.
 

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GW, your situation isn't a "bait & switch" thing. Tbh, I think he used it as an EXCUSE for what he did. He was selfish and he tried to blame you for his cheating. You know this. You are trying to understand the "whys" behind his cheating. He requested more from you..you gave it. And he STILL stepped out on you. It isn't your fault, GW.
 

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GW, your situation isn't a "bait & switch" thing. Tbh, I think he used it as an EXCUSE for what he did. He was selfish and he tried to blame you for his cheating. You know this. You are trying to understand the "whys" behind his cheating. He requested more from you..you gave it. And he STILL stepped out on you. It isn't your fault, GW.
:( sorry to hear about this
 

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äfter reading some of the respenses on here particularly about women who have high sex drive when first with you then it fades away.... you call this the switch ...
:confused:
but my question is isnt some of this just life !??

my hubby and i never had sex before marriage, due to beliefs, we saw each other naked and both of us had been in relationships before where we had had sex, he was married 5 years before.

so why is it that we ( usually woman ) are expected to keep up the every night sex routine

.... plus have babies, which keep us awake and we are so tired we feel like dying !
have a career
keep the house clean
be an amazing cook
do all the finances...
the list goes on ......
plus have the energy, desire for sex every night still ?

i'm just wondering ?:scratchhead::confused:

my hubby told me he wasnt happy with our sex life from an early point becasue i didnt make moves 50% of the time.... even though i had fun, enjoyed sex and we did it frequently 2 to 3 times a week

:scratchhead: we had 3 children all under 4 and the first had problems where he never slept for more than 1 hour.... I was exhausted!!!
i didnt have time to do anything for myself let alone be a super woman.

also i had a lot of internal injuries after first bub and it was very very painful to do it but we did it anyway , i did it to please him

so is it the switch

or life
Most of the guys here aren't asking for daily sex. Most would LOVE the 2-3 times a week you have.

So I'm not sure why you're applying a specific issue you have with your husband to a general consensus on TAM that frankly does not exist.
 

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From what I read on a few boards the list you have is now shared by the man and woman or the man is even doing more BUT that does not change how much sex is happening.

If two people are going at it like rabbits when the date why in the world would one partner think their partner is going to want lesss when they are married,so yes it is a switch because if the Low sex person stated right off they are not into sex that much they might lose their partner so they play a role until they are married and feel their partner has to stay with them.

There are many post where the low sex partner changes right after the wedding.
 

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you have to have give and take to make it successful. If all he's doing is taking then you're not going to want to give. The question is how can you communicate to him to be the man you desire.
Sex to a man is more than just getting off. (If that's all it was we'd all just stay single and masturbate... but it's not) Sex to a man means that he feels his wife accepts and respects him as a man on a much higher emotional and mental level. I'm cutting him some slack because I believe right now he's guessing what he has to do to make you want sex more.

To prove my point... do a little test. When he comes home from work one night give him some good sex out of the blue and tell him you love him WHILE you're doing it. Now see if in the next few hours or days he doesn't try to give back to you somehow to provide for your needs. (p.s....he needs to know what your needs are). If he doesn't do this then he's a bum and he needs some educating.
 

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GW, your situation isn't a "bait & switch" thing. Tbh, I think he used it as an EXCUSE for what he did. He was selfish and he tried to blame you for his cheating. You know this. You are trying to understand the "whys" behind his cheating. He requested more from you..you gave it. And he STILL stepped out on you. It isn't your fault, GW.
I'm glad you added this Maricha. I was about to be reeled in as a husband who expressed similar sentiments to what the OP's husband said.

But here's the most important part - I didn't cheat. I won't cheat. F him if he tries to use it as an excuse. Fix your damn marriage or move on, don't cheat on your spouse.
 

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where did she say he cheated ?

nvm... i see it at the bottom now in bright pink... lol... thought it was her sig


then yeah he's a bum. So honey you're a catch for most normal men. I'd love for my wife to show my any type of love at all. You'd be a breath of fresh air. I've never cheated. If I had sex once a week or so I'd think I was on cloud nine. Just trying to say that if he won't reconcile what he did then you easily could get a man worthy of you.
 

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Re: Re: you guys call it "the switch"but is some of it "just life

"Life getting in the way": Honey, I know our sex life has been off a bit since we've been so busy. What can we do to make things less busy so we can resume what we had before?

"Switch": Honey, I know our sex life has been off a bit since we've been so busy. Your needs aren't important enough to change life enough to restore what we once had so please get used to it.
Couldn't agree with this more! :thumbup:

You are posting here, recognizing the issue, and hopefully taking steps to improve the romance, passion & intimacy. That is awesome! Now get after it & make some changes to do all these things. Marriage is a challenge, for sure!
 

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My perception of the bait and switch is when one side does things with the express purpose of getting the other side to commit. This could be with respect to frequency or specific sex acts. Once they have the commitment they reveal they actually don't like those things and stop doing them. That is the classic bait and switch. I don't believe a person is doing either themselves or their partner a favour when they do this.

Decreased frequency due to life circumstances is not bait and switch. One would expect that if this occurs as circumstances improve frequency should ramp back up. The big challenge in this situation is to maintain communication so it doesn't create resentment on either side.
 

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I'm not sure there is a term for it, but sometimes life just gets in the way and one partner is completely apathetic to improving the situation. They just resign to the fact that that is the way it is, so oh well. It's equally as crappy as bait & switch.
 

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There are other scenarios too.

Wife and hubby have kids. They still have a sex life. Nothing changes in life except kids get older. Suddenly, for whatever reason, the wife decides sex isn't important to her anymore. So the frequency goes from 2-3 times a week to once every other week...or every 6 weeks.

The wife then goes on to use these self same excuses to justify such a precipitous drop off: cramps, headache, tired, work, housework, etc.

Note, as far as outside observers (the hubby) can see, there has been no change in lifestyle. The kids haven't changed. The hours at work or amount of housework required hasn't changed. Three months ago, she wasn't too tired for sex. Now...she ...is...

How much did she age in 3 months?

Now, a good many posters here aren't complaining about a temporary drop off of a month, two months, even a YEAR! People change. Health, stress, mental stuff can all happen.

But when it continues until it becomes a habit?

SOMEONE made a unilateral decision to sideline sex. She set the priority switch without consulting the husband and when the husband decides to FIX the situation, he is called callous (this goes both ways genderwise. I'm using this because of the situation you cite)

Now, if the wife, after hearing about the problem, makes some changes to her schedule, or makes the extra effort to put out more than once every six weeks, things are better.

If she doesn't...or does it temporarily...that is quite a Switch.

Read some of the other sexless threads.
 

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Re: Re: you guys call it "the switch"but is some of it "just life

There are other scenarios too.

Wife and hubby have kids. They still have a sex life. Nothing changes in life except kids get older. Suddenly, for whatever reason, the wife decides sex isn't important to her anymore. So the frequency goes from 2-3 times a week to once every other week...or every 6 weeks.

The wife then goes on to use these self same excuses to justify such a precipitous drop off: cramps, headache, tired, work, housework, etc.

Note, as far as outside observers (the hubby) can see, there has been no change in lifestyle. The kids haven't changed. The hours at work or amount of housework required hasn't changed. Three months ago, she wasn't too tired for sex. Now...she ...is...

How much did she age in 3 months?

Now, a good many posters here aren't complaining about a temporary drop off of a month, two months, even a YEAR! People change. Health, stress, mental stuff can all happen.

But when it continues until it becomes a habit?

SOMEONE made a unilateral decision to sideline sex. She set the priority switch without consulting the husband and when the husband decides to FIX the situation, he is called callous (this goes both ways genderwise. I'm using this because of the situation you cite)

Now, if the wife, after hearing about the problem, makes some changes to her schedule, or makes the extra effort to put out more than once every six weeks, things are better.

If she doesn't...or does it temporarily...that is quite a Switch.

Read some of the other sexless threads.
Yep, I've been dealing with this very thing for a few years now, and when I bring up that our sex life could use some improving, then I'm the jerk. I should be happy with what I get because she has ZERO sex drive so it's all for me. Why must I be so "sensitive" about it?! What's the big friggin' deal?! Then I get the eye-rolling statements of, "Well, I guess I just need to 'do it' more with you." Yeah, that's what I want.:rolleyes:

Hmmm...she could attempt to care & explore the problem area WITH me and stop acting like a selfish child hoarding all the toys & games.

I wonder how she would feel if I took such an apathetic stance on her needs & desires. She'll find out soon enough, because really love can't survive in conditions when one partner doesn't give a crap about the others' needs.
 

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so why is it that we ( usually woman ) are expected to keep up the every night sex routine

.... plus have babies, which keep us awake and we are so tired we feel like dying !
have a career
keep the house clean
be an amazing cook
do all the finances...
the list goes on ......
plus have the energy, desire for sex every night still ?
According to your list sex is a chore. That right there is the problem. It reeks of Bait and Switch. Sex was given or promised before marriage but in reality the woman considers it a chore to service her husband. She apparently is willing to service his physiological need just enough to get what she wants from him (diamond ring, paycheck, home handyman, dna, etc).

I have a career and am expected to be the primary financial provider for the family. I take care of the cars. I do most of the cooking and most of the grocery shopping. I drive the kids around all over the place for their school and activities. I take care of home repairs and much of the yard work. I shovel the snow. I do some laundry, some general cleaning.

And I really enjoy getting naked with my wife as a pleasurable activity. It is not another chore on the to-do list.

When a man knows his wife was willingly providing good sex to other men and even to him before the wedding but now it is a chore to her, he is not going to think well of the situation.

All of that aside, your husband's infidelity is a whole different issue. If the sex life in the marriage was not acceptable to him it was not justification to cheat.
 

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äfter reading some of the respenses on here particularly about women who have high sex drive when first with you then it fades away.... you call this the switch ...
:confused:
but my question is isnt some of this just life !??

my hubby and i never had sex before marriage, due to beliefs, we saw each other naked and both of us had been in relationships before where we had had sex, he was married 5 years before.

so why is it that we ( usually woman ) are expected to keep up the every night sex routine

.... plus have babies, which keep us awake and we are so tired we feel like dying !
have a career
keep the house clean
be an amazing cook
do all the finances...
the list goes on ......
plus have the energy, desire for sex every night still ?

i'm just wondering ?:scratchhead::confused:

my hubby told me he wasnt happy with our sex life from an early point becasue i didnt make moves 50% of the time.... even though i had fun, enjoyed sex and we did it frequently 2 to 3 times a week

:scratchhead: we had 3 children all under 4 and the first had problems where he never slept for more than 1 hour.... I was exhausted!!!
i didnt have time to do anything for myself let alone be a super woman.

also i had a lot of internal injuries after first bub and it was very very painful to do it but we did it anyway , i did it to please him

so is it the switch

or life
This is EXACTLY what I was saying w/ my Good Enuf thread. People change. It's not always a bait & switch. Not all women are chomping at the bit for sex ever day. Bcuz you want it less (or not at all years later) doesnt make you a horrible woman, if you service him (waiting for the arrows!) enthusiastically & w/ love BCUZ you love him. That's not duty sex.

Normal is different for everbody. You have to meet in the middle AND not get pissy bcuz your SO doesn't have YOUR specific desire for however much sex. Geesh.
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