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Truth is there are alot of Great People in relationships with the worse person ever. Just remember you are Awesome, Amazing, Beautiful inside and out! You deserve someones best not their worse. You deserve to be loved and appreciated. Always remember to love yourself first. I'm in the process of learning this. I'ma keep telling myself this until I completely believe it. Keep your hope alive. I know sometimes you feel stuck are like giving up. But this is not how your story ends. You are victorious, you are strength, and you are capable of achieving what ever it is you want to do in life! 馃挄馃挄馃挄
 

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This is so true. The bad people rarely seem to end up together. I imagine their egos can't handle someone as abusive as they are.

The hardest thing I've had to accept about leaving my ex was that at my age everyone I meet now is already taken. I've met three men in the last 5 years that were perfect, and we had so much in common. Unfortunately too much in common - they were all in abusive relationships of their own. I imagine we clicked so well because we understood one another. I'm not interested in affairs, but I got to play therapist and hear them complain about all the same things that my ex did to me. And I am happy to help in whatever way I can, even just as someone to let off steam to. But it's depressing that I left an abusive relationship only to remain alone and get to witness the abuse other people are facing. It makes me wonder if the world is a much darker place than I had imagined.

I do value myself now and I want to find someone to love who loves me back. But the good people out there seem to get targeted by narcissists first.
 

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1. We are easy prey. We have the attributes they need - work ethic, stability, empathy, morals, the abilty to make money (the most important one for them). We are also less likely to suspect their intentions are negative, since we don't think or treat people that way.

2. They are incredibly good actors and use love bombing to trap a new victim. I lived through that myself and it is very very hard to resist. Especially if you have no real reason to question their sincerity. I just assumed I'd managed to find Mr Perfect and was incredibly lucky.

3. They (at least the female ones I know) seem to focus every waking hour of the day on their appearance. They don't have to worry about mundane things like a career, since they expect to always have a victim to pay for everything. So instead of a 40+ hour a week desk job, having to save up for a home, retirement, etc, they can afford to spend hours in the gym, have the victim pay the bills so they can spend more on things like high end fashion, fake tans, botox, manicures, cosmetic surgery, etc. If I didn't have to be a responsible adult and support myself financially, I could pay to look like a model too.

4. They have zero empathy when it comes to stealing another person's boyfriend. Some will refrain from going after husbands. But I've had two female narc 'friends' openly flirt with and secretly stalk/message men I was in a relationship with before it got to the point of marriage. In my case, it didn't work. But I suspect a lot of the time, certainly in the early less-committed stages of a relationship, a man would pick a very glamorous, charming, aggressively flirtacious model type over another woman if given the choice.

5. Even when they realise who their partner really is, the victims rarely leave. By that point they are trauma-bonded to the narcissist. Again, I speak from direct experience. I put up with increasingly worse abuse for nearly 7 years before I finally left. I'm sure there were men that met me during that time that were single and would have dated me instead, and they likely felt the same exasperation that I now feel that 'the good women are all busy dating bad boys' (I remember hearing that more than once). We waste the best years of our life with the wrong people and by the time we are free, we're either burnt out or too old to begin our lives. The narcissists get to cheat and/or divorce and run off with free money to enjoy their lives at our expense.

It feels like the evil people in the world really do win.
 

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Sometimes. Other times people of comparable quality proactively vilify their spouse to deflect any blame for the breakup.
I think anyone who says they had no fault in a relationship is deluded. I'm certainly not perfect. I also chose to remain in that relationship for years longer than I should have, even when I saw the red flags. No one handcuffed me and forced me to stay. That was my decision and I am the only one to blame for that decision. I was a naive idiot. My ex would say I deserved to be taken advantage of, and in some ways I agree with that. I had to grow up and get rid of the rose-tinted glasses I viewed the world with.
 

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I think anyone who says they had no fault in a relationship is deluded. I'm certainly not perfect. I also chose to remain in that relationship for years longer than I should have, even when I saw the red flags. No one handcuffed me and forced me to stay. That was my decision and I am the only one to blame for that decision. I was a naive idiot. My ex would say I deserved to be taken advantage of, and in some ways I agree with that. I had to grow up and get rid of the rose-tinted glasses I viewed the world with.
Agree no one is perfect, but that's not my point. If you habitually leave the cap off the toothpaste and your spouse sleeps around, he is to blame for the marriage dying even though you aren't perfect.

Anyone who admits taking advantage of you and doesn't apologize is a Bad Person.
 

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It feels like the evil people in the world really do win.
In this world, yes. But, be assured, there is a time coming into this world, and a next heaven and earth after that. And, in that world, evil people will not exist. They will have their part in the lake of fire and will perish forever.
 
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