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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I would like to announce that I have decided to R with my ex wife, and would like to close my "Could you reconcile" thread, accordingly. In this new thread, I would like to get posters perspectives, just the same as the old thread, but I want all of you to know that I would NOT be in at this good place if not for the advice and friendship you have shown me. THANK YOU!!!
We will NOT be re-marrying for now, and there are still lots of issues we must face, but I would also like to say how proud I am of my ex wife and all of the work she has done and heartache she has endured this past two and a half years, to make this moment possible. I never thought it would happen and was fully prepared to live my life without her, but she has shown what a completely remorseful and transparent attitude can do. My ex wife is completely in love with me . I believe this is true.
 

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I think its really commendable that you followed through with the divorce and that she continued to show through her actions that she is indeed remorseful. I feel you'll have successful reconciliation. Best of luck.
 

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Good luck in your new journey! Look forward to reading your updates.

Q: are you going to start with a clean slate going forward? By this I mean: Your history is past. You made the strong move of divorcing, thus ending and closing that chapter of your life. And your wife has done a lot of work to repair herself and the damage she caused. Do you move forward with the trust of a brand new relationship? I am interested in the role of total forgiveness (if you have done this) in R and in getting to a position to R. Thanks for sharing and good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
congrats, I am happy for you

honest question for you- since you divorced and spent time away from her and dating others and time spent healing, do you think that triggers and the like will not be as bad as those who R without D get?
I really don't know, AR. I can only speak from my own situation, and have found that some of the usual stuff doesn't seem to phase me, but some of the unusual things get me down. But I have to credit her for being proactive and disarming some of the more obvious. She has worked really hard and has basically gone to the wall to prove that her words were spoken in anger and never ment to show her true feelings for me sexually, so I don't have the "mind Movies", that some others have. When you add to this, my "ahem", activities, of tha past two years it seems to take the edge off a lot of issues, so maybe so.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Good luck in your new journey! Look forward to reading your updates.

Q: are you going to start with a clean slate going forward? By this I mean: Your history is past. You made the strong move of divorcing, thus ending and closing that chapter of your life. And your wife has done a lot of work to repair herself and the damage she caused. Do you move forward with the trust of a brand new relationship? I am interested in the role of total forgiveness (if you have done this) in R and in getting to a position to R. Thanks for sharing and good luck!
Cedarman, as far as complete forgiveness goes, I haven't got that far yet. I think I said in another post that I llok at forgiveness as a goal, like renewed trust. Both are free gifts but both have to be earned by actions, without any sense of entitlement.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
BTW, this is one of the best signs , so far, that we CAN make it. She has absolutely no feelings of entitlement at all. She treats every moment with me as precious, and expects nothing from me , except human respect. When I compliment her, it's like giving her the Oscar. She blossoms.
 

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Good for you!

I think you handled all of this in a well thought out manner. I have more adjectives to give in the last sentence, but not now, I don't want to let it go to your head.

Jokes aside, I think you have enough experience and have shown enough maturity to make a positive impact in someone else's life on this forum. With all due respect, I suggest you now focus on the folks here who need help.

Of course I would love to keep hearing more on your own progress, but, I am convinced you two will do well and am looking forward to hearing that as time flies by!

Best of luck.
 

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Cedarman, as far as complete forgiveness goes, I haven't got that far yet. I think I said in another post that I llok at forgiveness as a goal, like renewed trust. Both are free gifts but both have to be earned by actions, without any sense of entitlement.

Thanks. I have a feeling that things will work out, because you are both working so hard. I think I get why you're getting back together. Even though your marriage ended in divorce - you have both dealt with the cause. That leaves you ahead of, eg - a brand new relationship with new partners, because you still have the good memories and you both know each other so well already. You know each other's faults - but more importantly you know each other's potential and good points.

I have to be honest and say that I envy you that your wife is working so hard. 5% of me is still holding out hope that my stbxw will have a moment of introspection and work on herself and show some remorse. But right now, we're headed to divorce (In Canada it takes 12 months - we are 3 months in at this point).

Yours is a great story - again - best wishes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thaks, but she has done a huge amount to give me the desire to try to make R work . I simply have a keen sense of my own boundaries, and a lot of luck.
 

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Rookie congratulations.

I think the way you handled everything was unbelievably spot on. The only reason you will be able to reconcile successfully with your WW will be because you handled everything perfectly.

You were definitely not a push over and made your own demands clear from the start and did not budge an inch. I think you will have a successfull R.

I hope you stay around and help other men who have been cheated on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Thanks. I have a feeling that things will work out, because you are both working so hard. I think I get why you're getting back together. Even though your marriage ended in divorce - you have both dealt with the cause. That leaves you ahead of, eg - a brand new relationship with new partners, because you still have the good memories and you both know each other so well already. You know each other's faults - but more importantly you know each other's potential and good points.

I have to be honest and say that I envy you that your wife is working so hard. 5% of me is still holding out hope that my stbxw will have a moment of introspection and work on herself and show some remorse. But right now, we're headed to divorce (In Canada it takes 12 months - we are 3 months in at this point).

Yours is a great story - again - best wishes.
Cedarman, It CAN happen. Look at me, we are 2 1/2 years from the affair, 1 year past divorce, and we are smooching like teenagers and f**king like bunnies. LOL :DIf it can happen to us, it can happen to anybody.
 

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The reason I believe that this has more chance of working out is because your wife had nothing more to lose when you divorced her. Real backs to the wall scenario and she did fight for it. I think R will only ever work out when the WS wants it more than the BS.

And, sadly, people hardly recognize the value of something or someone unless they are in a position where they can lose them forever. And its also probably the only time that a BS can know with a bit of certaintiy that they are indeed a priority and not just another option on the table which probably makes the decision to reconcile easier.IMHO
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Rookie congratulations.

I think the way you handled everything was unbelievably spot on. The only reason you will be able to reconcile successfully with your WW will be because you handled everything perfectly.

You were definitely not a push over and made your own demands clear from the start and did not budge an inch. I think you will have a successfull R.

I hope you stay around and help other men who have been cheated on.
I've never done anything perfect in my life, except my kids.
 

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Very, very happy for you and your XW, Rookie. Though she is more than just that now -what acronym should we give her?
 
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