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Yes, a wife weight thread with background. I'm a dumb man I guess.

8K views 52 replies 33 participants last post by  StayInIt 
#1 ·
We're both 29, no kids yet.

In 2007 I woke up one day and realized my crazy high metabolism as a kid and walking to classes in college had turned into sitting at a desk 40 hours a week and horrible eating habits. I looked in the mirror and had an epiphany, and read a quote that day at work as well. Paraphrased from Socrates. "...what a disgrace it would be for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." Since then I have eaten better and hit the gym 4 days a week. I would call myself pretty fit.

My wife loved this. She never commented directly to me originally, actually what she would says is "you have no ass, that's weird" when I was very skinny fat. Then as I gained weight(on purpose) when I hit the upper bound as I call it, she would comment my snoring is starting or my face is getting puffy. Meaning, lose weight. So I would. It was my checks and balances. I like this. She comments when I look thinner or XYZ muscle this. It feels good. Scrawny to somewhat brawny was a great thing for our relationship.

Fast forward to 2010, she has gone from 115 pounds to 140 in 2 years. Yes, I know it's only 25 pounds. However, she is 5'3" ... with an amazingly small frame. There is nowhere to put this weight. I tried the tricks she used on me, prodding about this and that. BAD IDEA. What worked for her on me is not working in reverse. I get stares and quiet treatment galore. She knows I deeply care about health and longevity b/c of what I have seen happen to my family by being sedentary.

She is not on the path to diabetes most likely, but energy and activity has dropped like a rock. At night I'm ready to do whatever and she can't wait to lay down and sleep. Any comments I make about weight, food, how I do my regiment is all on deaf and angry ears, amazingly STUBBORN and ANGRY deaf ears. She readily admits she eats like crap, and I say well then don't do that. Again, anger. It is now to the point where since she has a small frame it is all in her belly and the usual female spots. Our neighbor asked me if she was pregnant. I have not told my wife b/c I know it would bother her, but I'm debating using that as a tool to say, "wake up, you are not on a good path here."

I still love her more than anything, I still initiate intimacy(she never has in 10 years, lol), I still do all the great parts of lovemaking not just ok let's get this done. She seems to have little care as she wears the same clothes that no longer fit and stretch and bulge in all the wrong places. Jeans she can't put on and just laughs when she has to suck in to clasp, as if I would laugh too? I rub and kiss her belly and she makes me stop b/c she just talks about the fat there. So, she knows it's there, she knows it's far more than before ... but any change to this seems like Armageddon to her if it comes from me.

Do I tell her someone asked me if she was pregnant? Use that to kick off a discussion, or add it in as I sit her down and tell her ... something? She won't let me help and she has to want to get healthy or it will never happen. She hates working out... I say that's fine most weight loss is calories not activity, altho the benefits of activity are too numerous to list. I'm still sexually attracted to her, but far less than I was previously, and I'm absolutely terrified to tell her that.

No stress issues, no health issues(thyroid), no birth control. Her lifestyle is work her day, come home and eat dinner, sit on couch watching TV until laying down for bed. Rinse, repeat. Maybe she's bored. I try to keep things moving, as I said the only intimacy comes from me really.

She buys fruits and veggies and I cook healthy dinners. However the pre dinner and post dinner snacks kill it, and the vending machine at her office. Cookies are not breakfast. :(

In 2008 when I had stuck with working out and it was now a lifestyle, she did join a gym, did work out at home, etc. I encouraged that and told her it was very cool, altho maybe I should have done more b/c it didn't take. I do an internal headcount on her good now since I know food calories quite well ... and she is well over healthy/normal every day.

So 25 in 2 years will be more around 40-50 in a couple more at the rate I'm seeing. I hate that I count her calories like that. I hate when I catch a glimpse of something I wish I had not. I am trying very hard to just ignore it and accept it as how it will always be, and just to overlook it in daily life and in the bedroom, let it be. This is probably shallow but kids will come soon and I just imagine the problem becoming far, far worse and I will be more afraid to say anything for the 18 months or so during and after. She comments on women's post baby bodies that she sees... I grit my teeth and just say, "mmhmm."

Maybe I am a shallow jerk? I don't know. I care about health, and longevity. I want her to be active with me when we're 60 or retired and doing more things for just us, I am desperate to nip this now so I don't resent her later in life. I refuse to raise kids with horrible eating habits and a sit around lifestyle.
 
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#2 ·
My husband once bought me an outfit that he thought I would look good in, the size seemed right, because it's the size I was saying I wore, but I tried it on, it was too tight in all the wrong places. He said he would give me the receipt so that I can buy something else, but instead I resolved I would wear it but I had to work on firming up a little and eating better.

I don't think my husband was being passive aggressive, but it did work for me.

I hope I haven't offended anyone.
 
#3 ·
I wish my husband cared.We have been having problems so I have decided the only thing I can really control and thats makes me feel better right now is exercising.

Im 5'7 and at one point after 3 kids I was 220lbs (125lbs when we met). Over the years I have been puttering at it but in the last 2 months I have pushed harder.
I count calories,eat better and exercise and as of this morning am 160lbs.

On the weekend my family came over for dinner and one aunt said "omg...your saddle bags are gone" and my uncle was whispering to my other aunt that I had lost alot. I felt sooo good hearing this BUT I mentioned it to my hubby that apparently I had lost my saddle bags and he said "nope,she lied to make you feel good" :(

Then I was at an event on Saturday and he decided to show up and bring me a huge Carl Jr. burger and onion rings.I said thank you and he said see I don't care about your weight thats why I brought you this..if it bothered me I would have brought you a salad. :(

I WISH more than anything he would tell me I look good or help me.I applaude you for trying with your wife.Losing weight is hard and realistically if she is not ready you are going to go nuts trying so don't push too hard but maybe try asking her to go for walks after dinner but instead of making it about her...tell her you really feel like it would make you feel good today and would love some company. I find taking the pressure off and making it seem like she will be doing you a favour sometimes works as well.
 
#4 ·
She has to want it for herself. She won't change until she is unhappy and ready. I finally changed because I had to be happy with myself. I have kept almost 20 lbs off for a year now. It is true that nothing tastes as good as thin feels! My H is working out now- love it- muscles are sexy! Has she tried weight training? It made such a difference for me. Good luck!
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#5 ·
I'm thinking that you can find some kind of physical activity you'd both enjoy and do it together.

However, I went through something similar to your wife. I was 103 lb. when I joined the Army at age 25 - pretty underweight for a 5'7" frame, and 127 when I completed basic training. I weighed in at 137 when I got out of the Army at age 29. Suddenly I put on another 30 pounds over the course of three years. I worked in a job where I walked briskly for about 3 hours of each shift.

I once dieted and got back to 135 by removing almost all carbs, but it made eating - especially with other people - difficult. When I stopped dieting, I gradually put the weight back on over the course of four years (I'm now 44.)

I think our bodies have a way of finding their own "normal" weight. Criticizing or trying to manipulate your wife will only send a message that you do not accept and love her as she is.
 
#6 ·
Trust me, she knows she needs to lose weight. So do I. After 15 years of being overweight, some life changes gave me the confidence to try again. 25 pounds gone so far, 35 more to go.

It's not that I didn't want to lose it all along, its the internal struggle. My self-esteem was low, my daily responsibilities provided a good excuse of not enough time, my DH was in favor of losing, but wouldn't work out with me, wouldn't help me plan or prepare meals, wouldn't take on additional child care to free up my time, etc. It's kind of a viscous cycle. It's easier to give in to the old habits than to fight to establish new ones.

My advice: Be more blatant in your support of her (criticism, i.e., negative reinforcement, won't work). Tell her your concerned for her health and well being. Ask her how you can help. Then follow through on what she needs. Encourage, praise, support, not just in words, but in deeds too. But don't nag about it. In the end, it won't happen until she's ready.
 
#7 · (Edited)
No you're not at all shallow for wanting your wife to be healthy, and look better. She's letting herself go, and that's a mistake on her part, not yours.

However this is one of those things that you're likely not going to be able to do anything about. She knows she's overweight, isn't looking, or feeling her best, and any manner you use to try and address the problem is being met with shutdown, shut out, and angry tactics. She's telling you straight up that she does NOT want to deal with this.

All you can do is take care of yourself. Continue to improve your own body, carve yourself out a killer, healthy physique, and pray that she gets threatened enough by the amazing new body you've built to jump on board. Because I imagine that there are few things more miserable than a wife watching her husband get super hot, while she's super not.

The only person you can change is you. Your wife may never lose the weight, and in fact she might grow even larger. That's a reality that you might just have to resign yourself to, as a ton of people, men and women, NEVER lose the weight they put on as he years roll by. You have to ask yourself the question, "can I still be attracted to her if she stayed at this current weight for good?" Because it's totally up to her, to lose, gain, or stay the same (baring any serious physiological issues). As much as you'd love to help get her on track, she's never going to do it until she wants to.
 
#8 ·
Sounds harsh, but the most effective way to get your spouse to lose weight is to instill dread in her, that is the dread of losing you to another woman. Don't state this overtly, but if you are in good shape yourself and are reasonably attractive, then go ahead and flirt with the waitress or cashier in front of your wife. Don't make a big deal out of it, just be cool. She'll get with the program soon enough. Sad to say but the fact is that right now she takes you for granted and is not motivated to discipline herself to lose weight, which takes a lot of effort and self control and can be difficult. A confrontational approach about the weight issue would be very unpleasant and probably wouldn't work, the key is to make her want to lose the excess baggage. A little healthy female competition will motivate her.
 
#11 ·
Sounds harsh, but the most effective way to get your spouse to lose weight is to instill dread in her, that is the dread of losing you to another woman. Don't state this overtly, but if you are in good shape yourself and are reasonably attractive, then go ahead and flirt with the waitress or cashier in front of your wife.
The guys concerns are reasonable but I don't think you can scare someone into losing weight.

She's got to want to do it.

If anything she'll see him flirting and she'll stress out and eat even MORE.

He'll be posting about how bad it got and how he wishes he kept quiet when she was at 140.
 
#9 ·
Dwinfield--not necessarily. As a woman whose husband pulled that stunt, I simply fell into a cycle of dieting and self-loathing when the weight wouldn't come off (due to stress). Later, when the H gained 100+ lbs, I reached a point where I was facing my issues but he now was not. Think karma--I don't suggest prodding change by intentionally or unintentionally hurting your partner's feelings. Instead, an honest conversation about being concerned about his or her health and encouraging joint activity works better.
 
#12 ·
I'm no psychologist but maybe there's something missing in her life and she's filling that void with food. Is she unhappy with her work? Is her family driving her crazy? Are there infertility issues or maybe she's ready for kids and you're not? ("We're both 29; no kids yet.") Maybe you should start asking questions about what she really wants in life and see if there's something lurking in the background that's causing her disquiet, frustration, or hopelessness.
 
#14 ·
to lisab...you have the second "assiest" comment after dwinfield... good job generalizing.

my suggestion would to be to take walks, hike, dont focus so much on your health and focus more on the relationship and having fun, my wife and i go on little walks often (sometimes just around the block) and we also hike and camp alot. she was never into hiking or camping growing up, but over the years she has come to enjoy it very much. we are not fitness freaks and have gained weight over the years as well but it is about feeling good not looking good.

my wife looks good to me no matter what!!!
 
#17 ·
Your wife realizes already her weight. Bugging her about it will probably backfire on you.

Your wrong when it comes to losing weight. It's mostly exercise that helps shed those pounds off. I use to run 36 miles a week, bike, run, race in runs and triathlons. I broke my neck 4 years ago and that changed my life. I can no longer walk far or do any cardio, I still have the motivation. I've put on weight and I do eat very healthy. I do stationary bike, but it's not fast. I do push my exercise limits, but I still have this extra weight. My age has gotten hold of my metabolism.

My husband is a super triathlete. He races in ironmans and marathons. He has 1% body fat. He never complains about my weight gain. He knows and I know I've put on weight. I must rest most the day or I pay the price of unbearable pain. I can handle the normal pain, but the unbearable pain will lead to craziness.

I know your wife is able, but I really don't think talking to her will work. The best thing to do is activities with her. Ask her to go to the gym with you or go on hikes and walks with her. My husband and I would go on runs and hours of hikes together for years before I broke my neck.
 
#27 · (Edited)
Your wife realizes already her weight. Bugging her about it will probably backfire on you.

Your wrong when it comes to losing weight. It's mostly exercise that helps shed those pounds off. I use to run 36 miles a week, bike, run, race in runs and triathlons. I broke my neck 4 years ago and that changed my life. I can no longer walk far or do any cardio, I still have the motivation. I've put on weight and I do eat very healthy. I do stationary bike, but it's not fast. I do push my exercise limits, but I still have this extra weight. My age has gotten hold of my metabolism.

My husband is a super triathlete. He races in ironmans and marathons. He has 1% body fat. He never complains about my weight gain. He knows and I know I've put on weight. I must rest most the day or I pay the price of unbearable pain. I can handle the normal pain, but the unbearable pain will lead to craziness.
Your situation is a lot different, in that you unfortunately suffered a major injury. I'd chance to say that you're working harder on your body now than a lot of people with full capacity do. Your husband, if he's a decent human being, of course understands and doesn't hold that against you.

BTW, your husband might be super lean, but he's not 1% bodyfat. That's almost humanly impossible, and very dangerous. The super shredded, extremely lean contestants you see in bodybuilding competitions are in the 3%-6% range, with the 3% range being very rare, and almost impossible to sustain long term. 1% would men he didn't even have the necessary internal fat to protect vital organs. At home calipers are often wildly off. Typical doctors offices are often the worst places to go for accurate readings. Perhaps he should look into getting some a professional body composition test done if he'd like to know his real percentage.


Well he can be mean and nasty to her, divorce her, whatever he wants to do. He came here looking for advice, and people are offering it. It's his wife, whom he says he loves, and I would think if she had any other type of addiction or illness, he'd be supportive and caring of any kind of treatment as well. Like a spouse should be.

Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I thought your spouse is supposed to be kind and compassionate to you and vice versa.
Being kind and supportive does not mean that you're suppose to be endlessly enabling to an ADDICT. That's what I believe Unhappy's point is.

Food is an acceptable addiction in this country. People are allowed to destroy their health, and with very little interference. If the food addicts in this thread, for example, were addicted to heroine, cocaine, or alcohol, "tough love" would be the order of the day, as prescribed by professionals. There would be interventions, declarations to the addict that you will no longer enable their habits, or keep silent about their addiction, and implorations to head to a rehab facility. From an addiction and recovery POV almost all of the advice to be endlessly supportive, nice, and understanding is pretty horrible, counterproductive advice.

The problem is that many people don't really look at food addictions on par with addictions to narcotics and alcohol (even though it can be equally as destructive in the long run), so the addict often feels that you're being "mean" by calling them out, and refusing to support their dangerous addiction. We have to get to the point in this nation where food addiction is treated just like any other addiction. There needs to be a stigma. Only then will people begin to wake up and get the help they need.
 
#18 ·
Take her to dance class, like ballroom or Argentine Tango.
It's fun and improves body image and something that improves relationship skills and can be enjoyed even with a few extra pounds.
You cannot dance and be unaware of your body.
Yoga is also good, and weight training.
But say nothing of her weight.
Just find a way to enjoy her the way she is, she will feel better about herself and want to take better care.
Getting enough sleep is also critical to anything related to metabolism.
 
#19 ·
Take a nutrition class together. Do the science part of it...so she knows what eating cookies for breakfast does to your energy levels.

Some people (like yourself) do learn the benefits of eating properly, and you have the light bulb go on that there IS a connection to how you feel and what you eat.

She hasn't had that yet.

Prepare lunches the night before, same as breakfast.

If you want to approach it, I would do it from the energy angle, not the weight. If she's willing to try eating a certain way for two weeks, and journalling how she feels, she might be able to see the connection.

If she is consuming far too many calories, she won't be able to exercise enough to keep it off. That's why taking a class might help... let someone else explain the formula for 3500 calories to a pound, etc. Good luck.

And no, you are not shallow. Maintaining your physcial appearance is a love buster.
 
#20 · (Edited)
I agree with the others who say that it does more harm than good when you approach it critically or negatively. My wife often struggled with weight fluctuations, while I'm probably overboard in staying healthy. Usually, by encouraging her to join me in some goal-oriented changes to our lifestyle, through eating right together and exercising together, its like she would suddenly get motivated and blast past me. You can find the right way to support her, most likely, in a way that motivates and gets her excited about it.

Also, look for signs that she might have been hurt in the past by unhealthy eating patterns or unhealthy pressure by parents or others. I never really appreciated how much harm my FIL's picking on my wife, his daughter, did to her during the teenage years.
 
#21 ·
Thanks for the advice. If there ever is a serious discussion perhaps there is an underlying reason for the change in lifestyle.

I don't plan on berating her or giving "tough love" on this subject. She's aware of the weight to some degree and I don't want to fan that flame of potential lowered self esteem. I'd rather solve the problem from the root. We do need to be more active together, and since it is warm now I think evening walks are a good start. If for no other reason than to get used to the endorphin release from it and perhaps her psyche will react to this as a positive.

As far as weight loss, I know all the nutrition and science behind it, I wish I could osmosis it to her while we sleep. She knows the basics, just doesn't adhere to them. I told her, forget the cardio, just come squat and deadlift with me with light weights. Trust me you will be happy you did in about 2 weeks. It's the 2 weeks I can't get her to for the image change.

I won't delve further into an argument but @I'mInLoveWithMyHubby: 1% BF is death, just so you know. You can't live with 1%. Also unless you run say, 10 miles a day, you can CUT more calories and lose more weight with diet than exercise. This is not a tough concept and one agreed upon by athletes as well. She is not going to go from sedentary to running 30+ miles a week overnight.

ANYWAY, the cycle starting yesterday is now the "eat better one", which lasts about 2 weeks before it breaks, either b/c of family holidays, or some other deviation to the schedule. So, I'm using my best habits and offering no further advice unless solicited, and backing up all the good decisions with praise. Not immediately, not overtly ... as tactically as I can.

We'll see what happens.

Dancing is a good idea, now to put my esteem in that arena aside lol, and buck up for the greater good!
 
#22 ·
Be gentle and supportive. Her workout needs will be different than yours. I know you want her to do deadlifts and squats (which are most beneficial) but she may not be ready for that yet.

My H works out all the time, is in great shape and tries the same stuff with me. I understand nutrition, I understand what I need to do to get in shape, but I am very unmotivated. I do have self esteem issues and addictive personality which has caused issues with food and overeating.

I feel that you could be my H writing this post...things seem very familiar with what you say. It sounds like you are positive and trying to gently prod her to be healthy the same way my H does to me.

What sucks is that my self esteem issues get in the way of any progress. I am motivated for a few weeks and then fall off the wagon. Usually b/c of PMS or some emotional episode I have...stress, family drama....maybe that is what happens to your wife as well?

I finally understand that I have other emotional issues that are blocking any progress for me losing weight and being healthy. I am self destructive in highly emotional situations and that causes me to overeat. I know I have underlying emotional trauma to heal before I can heal physically. Since I have realized this it has been very easy to control my eating and get up and move more. And the exercise is helping my moods. This is the longest I have stayed consistent (3 months now)....usually it is only a few weeks and I am back to bad habits.

If anything like this is going on with your wife, be gentle, supportive and do activities with her that will help give her some more confidence. While you may think that lower level activities like walking, bike riding, etc may not be as beneficial as weight lifting; don't push the more extreme things right now. It will discourage your wife. Any movement, even just walking 30min a day will help make a change in her attitude. ANd with that change will come better eating habits. Also try to focus on portion sizes right now vs. what type of food you are eating. It didn't matter how healthy a food was, I would always over eat on serving sizes. And calories are calories - no matter from what food source. Once I mastered portion control it has been alot easier to lose weight.

If she still has trouble, she may want to look at emotional triggers when she eats. Is she sad, depressed, bored....if yes she may need to explore the emotional side of herself to see if food is somehow covering up pain from somewhere...she may not even realize it until she takes a closer look at herself.
 
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#25 ·
Well he can be mean and nasty to her, divorce her, whatever he wants to do. He came here looking for advice, and people are offering it. It's his wife, whom he says he loves, and I would think if she had any other type of addiction or illness, he'd be supportive and caring of any kind of treatment as well. Like a spouse should be.

Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I thought your spouse is supposed to be kind and compassionate to you and vice versa.
 
#24 ·
I wish I had some good advice to give.

Paying attention to yourself and continuing to get healthy will likely not spur her, if my past is any indication. I've had two ex's that tried to keep me from eating healthy and working out because it made them feel bad that I was in better shape (?!?).
 
#26 ·
My husband is a foot taller then your wife and weighs 140. I'm just telling you what the doctors told him at his physical about his body weight percentage. I would not lie, nor do I care. It's pretty tough to race in ironmans every couple years, it takes intense training.

When I met my husband I was underweight. I was 5'10" and 117 pounds. Now I'm 5'8" and I weigh much more. I'm not overweight by the BMI charts and I also don't expect to get back down to 117 either. I rarely eat and what I eat is very low in fat. I try to keep my calories below 1200 a day, which some days is less. The lack of food doesn't bother me. It's the lack of exercise. I still have the motivation. I use to be an athlete, now I'm disabled and 2 inches shorter due to my neck injury/herniations and spinal damage.

I gained 100 or near 100 pounds with each child(3 girls). I was young and able to quickly get it off even with walking or running. I know what it's like to lose weight. A week after my 3rd child I was running 3 miles. I'm very thankful my husband does not care about my weight. I'm very self conscious about it, but he is too by his thinness. I have one daughter that has his metabolism. My husband is my biggest support. I'm very lucky he did not leave me when I broke my neck. I'm only in my 30's and have a long life to live. My weight issues are the least of our worries. I still exercise, but not to the extent before my injury. BTW, it kills me not to run or walk. I'll soon be in a wheelchair. I already need one when we go out that requires walking. I'm not overweight, but I'm not thin and toned like I once was. It eats at me everyday and there's nothing I can do.

I guarantee your wife has issues with her weight gain. It's a true fact that a woman's metabolism slows down as we age. It sounds like you already have a plan of action in dealing with this.

You are correct that weight tires you down. Exercising gives you energy no matter what type you do.

Good luck explaining this to your wife. My husband and I are great communicators. We do tell each other everything. If this was an issue for him, he'd let me know right away when it became an issue. We are best friends and hold nothing back, even weight issues.
 
#28 ·
What will you do when she has your children and possibly gains even more weight? Just because you've seen the light and embraced fitness doesn't mean she has. If you love her unconditionally you won't scare her or demean her. She has to want this for herself. All you can do is make sure to have healthy choices around the house and lead by example.
 
#38 · (Edited)
Yep, chances are she will gain weight when she has kids and if she doesn't want to lose it now, when it's just 25lbs over and relatively easy to do so, she won't want to do it when she's older, even more sedentary, has a slower metabolism and has gained 50lbs.

She will join the legions of middle aged men and women who are overweight and are approaching obesity.

I went to my daughter's college last week and was surrounded by people of my generation and was astounded at how many were overweight and let themselves go. When does this happen? Don't they look in the mirror and feel horrified? Don't they feel like crap? The problem is too that if you are overweight and lethargic then the LAST thing you want to do is climb on a bike or go for a walk. You want to sit in one place and stare at the TV all day.

I had it happen to me about 3 years ago. I'd became a size 16 and was wearing clothes with a 34" waist.. and at 5'2" this isn't good. My back hurt me and I felt achy and lethargic.

I was wearing man clothes and sweats and rationalizing it because I was working out an hour a day and am fairly active at work and doing physical activities like kayaking and skiing. But if you consume thousands of calories a day it doesn't matter. Only if you are an olympic swimmer can you blow off enough calories to counteract consuming that many calories.

Many places now require restaurants to post calories in what they serve. If people knew what what they consumed daily they'd be horrified. The average person can't exercise that off. Many know and don't care. They like to eat. It's part of their daily routine and lifestyle and they are unwilling to make the effort so they deny it, rationalize it and carry on.

I was unwilling to do that. I felt like crap. I hated how I looked and didn't even want my husband to look at me naked. I knew what was up and finally I'd had enough. I went on a drastic diet of 1000 calories a day and I worked out an hour/day doing cardio and toning exercises like planks, push ups, sit ups, etc.

To lose weight you need reduce and count calories. To tone up and feel good you exercise. That's how it works. Eat less...move more.

I went from a size 16 to a Size 3/4 and my waist is now at 28"..like I was back in college. My back aches went away too. I'm in better shape now then I was 10 years ago. It took me almost a year of hard work to do this.

Fad diets aren't enough..You have to change your lifestyle. I still count calories and work out, though I allow myself to eat a nice meal once in awhile but most of the time I'm counting calories and watching what I eat. If my clothes start getting tight and I don't like how I feel then I go back to being strict. You have to have a eating regimen you can live with day to day or else it won't last.

But the fact is, in the end it's up to your wife. I would talk to her gently about how you feel and how much you'd appreciate if she'd lose weight and how you are worried about her health.

Maybe she'll take it under advisement but as the old adage says, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink". It really is up to her and until she's fed up with her weight gain and wants to do something about it then it's not going to happen. That's when you are going to have to make some decisions. But chances are she'll keep gaining weight and look a lot like the middle aged parents at my daughter's college. That's when you have to decide if you can put up with living with an obese woman.

It's pretty damn horrifiying to see. First it's the weight gain and then wearing baggy, ugly clothes and then it's the lack of care for their appearance in other ways, such as hair, makeup, etc. I call it Middle Age Syndrome. It's pretty amazing how common this is. :(
 
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#30 ·
People's self-esteem is so tied into their weights that it's incredibly difficult to have a real conversation about weight gain.

Imagine a woman (or man) telling their spouse: I wish you'd stop wearing those old, frayed pants that don't fit you right.
or
Try to shave your neck a little bit more, you get hairy there quickly.

Yes, those are definitely about appearance. But it doesn't "hit" people as hard.

It's unfortunate, because I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with caring about your partner's appearance (others in this thread have suggested that this is a bad sort of motivation).
AND
It's incredibly important to people's health. We're fatter, as a society, than we've ever been before and its costing us in tons of different ways.

I just wish there was some way to make people less reactive and more open to frank talk about this sort of topic.
 
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#33 ·
I know this isn't the portion of the posts I'm addressing. That's actually a good idea.

What is a very bad idea is to approach a spouse's addictive behavior with nothing but sweet hugs, kisses, and endless understanding. If one's spouse were killing themselves with crack, alcohol, or a sex addiction, that wouldn't be the approach at all.

Food should be no different.
 
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#41 ·
^^ you probably can't read a nutrition label any better than a post.

the lol is all mine.
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Um, yeah. Try being a type 1 diabetic for 20+ years.
My LIFE depends on knowing what I am eating. LOL

Food is a crutch for a lot of people. But it's not the SAME as drugs or alcohol, and should be approached differently.

I AGREE with you that the science should be taught. Society teaches us that drugs & alcohol aren't great, and moderation is legally enforced. Drink too much and drive.. you will be charged.

There is no food police.

A lot of people just don't KNOW the facts. Show them... and they get to look around and go "wow, noboby eats like that". How can this be RIGHT if mainstream tv is all about commercials to eat fast food? Restaurants don't serve portions of vegetables that represent "nutrition", it's like a secret society that figures out how to eat and exercise. It's getting better, though! More and more people ARE learning, and their kids are too.
 
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