We're both 29, no kids yet.
In 2007 I woke up one day and realized my crazy high metabolism as a kid and walking to classes in college had turned into sitting at a desk 40 hours a week and horrible eating habits. I looked in the mirror and had an epiphany, and read a quote that day at work as well. Paraphrased from Socrates. "...what a disgrace it would be for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." Since then I have eaten better and hit the gym 4 days a week. I would call myself pretty fit.
My wife loved this. She never commented directly to me originally, actually what she would says is "you have no ass, that's weird" when I was very skinny fat. Then as I gained weight(on purpose) when I hit the upper bound as I call it, she would comment my snoring is starting or my face is getting puffy. Meaning, lose weight. So I would. It was my checks and balances. I like this. She comments when I look thinner or XYZ muscle this. It feels good. Scrawny to somewhat brawny was a great thing for our relationship.
Fast forward to 2010, she has gone from 115 pounds to 140 in 2 years. Yes, I know it's only 25 pounds. However, she is 5'3" ... with an amazingly small frame. There is nowhere to put this weight. I tried the tricks she used on me, prodding about this and that. BAD IDEA. What worked for her on me is not working in reverse. I get stares and quiet treatment galore. She knows I deeply care about health and longevity b/c of what I have seen happen to my family by being sedentary.
She is not on the path to diabetes most likely, but energy and activity has dropped like a rock. At night I'm ready to do whatever and she can't wait to lay down and sleep. Any comments I make about weight, food, how I do my regiment is all on deaf and angry ears, amazingly STUBBORN and ANGRY deaf ears. She readily admits she eats like crap, and I say well then don't do that. Again, anger. It is now to the point where since she has a small frame it is all in her belly and the usual female spots. Our neighbor asked me if she was pregnant. I have not told my wife b/c I know it would bother her, but I'm debating using that as a tool to say, "wake up, you are not on a good path here."
I still love her more than anything, I still initiate intimacy(she never has in 10 years, lol), I still do all the great parts of lovemaking not just ok let's get this done. She seems to have little care as she wears the same clothes that no longer fit and stretch and bulge in all the wrong places. Jeans she can't put on and just laughs when she has to suck in to clasp, as if I would laugh too? I rub and kiss her belly and she makes me stop b/c she just talks about the fat there. So, she knows it's there, she knows it's far more than before ... but any change to this seems like Armageddon to her if it comes from me.
Do I tell her someone asked me if she was pregnant? Use that to kick off a discussion, or add it in as I sit her down and tell her ... something? She won't let me help and she has to want to get healthy or it will never happen. She hates working out... I say that's fine most weight loss is calories not activity, altho the benefits of activity are too numerous to list. I'm still sexually attracted to her, but far less than I was previously, and I'm absolutely terrified to tell her that.
No stress issues, no health issues(thyroid), no birth control. Her lifestyle is work her day, come home and eat dinner, sit on couch watching TV until laying down for bed. Rinse, repeat. Maybe she's bored. I try to keep things moving, as I said the only intimacy comes from me really.
She buys fruits and veggies and I cook healthy dinners. However the pre dinner and post dinner snacks kill it, and the vending machine at her office. Cookies are not breakfast.
In 2008 when I had stuck with working out and it was now a lifestyle, she did join a gym, did work out at home, etc. I encouraged that and told her it was very cool, altho maybe I should have done more b/c it didn't take. I do an internal headcount on her good now since I know food calories quite well ... and she is well over healthy/normal every day.
So 25 in 2 years will be more around 40-50 in a couple more at the rate I'm seeing. I hate that I count her calories like that. I hate when I catch a glimpse of something I wish I had not. I am trying very hard to just ignore it and accept it as how it will always be, and just to overlook it in daily life and in the bedroom, let it be. This is probably shallow but kids will come soon and I just imagine the problem becoming far, far worse and I will be more afraid to say anything for the 18 months or so during and after. She comments on women's post baby bodies that she sees... I grit my teeth and just say, "mmhmm."
Maybe I am a shallow jerk? I don't know. I care about health, and longevity. I want her to be active with me when we're 60 or retired and doing more things for just us, I am desperate to nip this now so I don't resent her later in life. I refuse to raise kids with horrible eating habits and a sit around lifestyle.
In 2007 I woke up one day and realized my crazy high metabolism as a kid and walking to classes in college had turned into sitting at a desk 40 hours a week and horrible eating habits. I looked in the mirror and had an epiphany, and read a quote that day at work as well. Paraphrased from Socrates. "...what a disgrace it would be for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." Since then I have eaten better and hit the gym 4 days a week. I would call myself pretty fit.
My wife loved this. She never commented directly to me originally, actually what she would says is "you have no ass, that's weird" when I was very skinny fat. Then as I gained weight(on purpose) when I hit the upper bound as I call it, she would comment my snoring is starting or my face is getting puffy. Meaning, lose weight. So I would. It was my checks and balances. I like this. She comments when I look thinner or XYZ muscle this. It feels good. Scrawny to somewhat brawny was a great thing for our relationship.
Fast forward to 2010, she has gone from 115 pounds to 140 in 2 years. Yes, I know it's only 25 pounds. However, she is 5'3" ... with an amazingly small frame. There is nowhere to put this weight. I tried the tricks she used on me, prodding about this and that. BAD IDEA. What worked for her on me is not working in reverse. I get stares and quiet treatment galore. She knows I deeply care about health and longevity b/c of what I have seen happen to my family by being sedentary.
She is not on the path to diabetes most likely, but energy and activity has dropped like a rock. At night I'm ready to do whatever and she can't wait to lay down and sleep. Any comments I make about weight, food, how I do my regiment is all on deaf and angry ears, amazingly STUBBORN and ANGRY deaf ears. She readily admits she eats like crap, and I say well then don't do that. Again, anger. It is now to the point where since she has a small frame it is all in her belly and the usual female spots. Our neighbor asked me if she was pregnant. I have not told my wife b/c I know it would bother her, but I'm debating using that as a tool to say, "wake up, you are not on a good path here."
I still love her more than anything, I still initiate intimacy(she never has in 10 years, lol), I still do all the great parts of lovemaking not just ok let's get this done. She seems to have little care as she wears the same clothes that no longer fit and stretch and bulge in all the wrong places. Jeans she can't put on and just laughs when she has to suck in to clasp, as if I would laugh too? I rub and kiss her belly and she makes me stop b/c she just talks about the fat there. So, she knows it's there, she knows it's far more than before ... but any change to this seems like Armageddon to her if it comes from me.
Do I tell her someone asked me if she was pregnant? Use that to kick off a discussion, or add it in as I sit her down and tell her ... something? She won't let me help and she has to want to get healthy or it will never happen. She hates working out... I say that's fine most weight loss is calories not activity, altho the benefits of activity are too numerous to list. I'm still sexually attracted to her, but far less than I was previously, and I'm absolutely terrified to tell her that.
No stress issues, no health issues(thyroid), no birth control. Her lifestyle is work her day, come home and eat dinner, sit on couch watching TV until laying down for bed. Rinse, repeat. Maybe she's bored. I try to keep things moving, as I said the only intimacy comes from me really.
She buys fruits and veggies and I cook healthy dinners. However the pre dinner and post dinner snacks kill it, and the vending machine at her office. Cookies are not breakfast.
In 2008 when I had stuck with working out and it was now a lifestyle, she did join a gym, did work out at home, etc. I encouraged that and told her it was very cool, altho maybe I should have done more b/c it didn't take. I do an internal headcount on her good now since I know food calories quite well ... and she is well over healthy/normal every day.
So 25 in 2 years will be more around 40-50 in a couple more at the rate I'm seeing. I hate that I count her calories like that. I hate when I catch a glimpse of something I wish I had not. I am trying very hard to just ignore it and accept it as how it will always be, and just to overlook it in daily life and in the bedroom, let it be. This is probably shallow but kids will come soon and I just imagine the problem becoming far, far worse and I will be more afraid to say anything for the 18 months or so during and after. She comments on women's post baby bodies that she sees... I grit my teeth and just say, "mmhmm."
Maybe I am a shallow jerk? I don't know. I care about health, and longevity. I want her to be active with me when we're 60 or retired and doing more things for just us, I am desperate to nip this now so I don't resent her later in life. I refuse to raise kids with horrible eating habits and a sit around lifestyle.