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Discussion Starter · #124 ·
Divorce finalized, amazingly 6 days after the petition filed in April. I am also king of my castle. Sole owner of my regal estate. Next week marks last of the second round of treatments for the bladder cancer. I re-upped on Match just about a month ago. Within 24 hours was corresponding with 3 lovely ladies. I thought about the possibility of of moving from dating, to intimacy, to full on emotional investment, and having to disclose 'cancer' on an unsuspecting partner. It felt very disingenuous. So, I informed the ladies that I was taking a step back and disclosed the reason why. Two of them expressed appreciation for my candid note and wished me well. The third, sent the following:
"Hi Deejo, thank you for sharing with me. I can imagine that the news is scary. I’d like to be a friend if you need one."

And that simple gesture captured my heart a little bit. I took her up on her offer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #126 ·
Beautiful people of TAM!
I hope you and all whom you love are well.

Got the all clear on the cancer a little over two weeks ago. Getting to the other side of cancer definitely made me a bit more introspective. Life is good ... even when it looks a little weird. And I think we can all agree it has been a little weird over the last 2 years.
 

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I am so so happy for you Deejo....i hope you have been putting that list together of what you want to do with the rest of your life.

PS is that lady friend still in the picture ?
 

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So happy to hear that!

I've had several people dear to me face cancer and not only has it changed their perspectives on life ...it's changed mine too.

Of course the cancer sufferer has the biggest challenge but when you stick by someone as they face it you ride that roller coaster right next to them. Cancer truly sucks.

Keep posting!
 

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Beautiful people of TAM!
I hope you and all whom you love are well.

Got the all clear on the cancer a little over two weeks ago. Getting to the other side of cancer definitely made me a bit more introspective. Life is good ... even when it looks a little weird. And I think we can all agree it has been a little weird over the last 2 years.
Awesome, brother!!

Care to elaborate on where that introspection has taken you?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
 

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Divorce finalized, amazingly 6 days after the petition filed in April. I am also king of my castle. Sole owner of my regal estate. Next week marks last of the second round of treatments for the bladder cancer. I re-upped on Match just about a month ago. Within 24 hours was corresponding with 3 lovely ladies. I thought about the possibility of of moving from dating, to intimacy, to full on emotional investment, and having to disclose 'cancer' on an unsuspecting partner. It felt very disingenuous. So, I informed the ladies that I was taking a step back and disclosed the reason why. Two of them expressed appreciation for my candid note and wished me well. The third, sent the following:
"Hi Deejo, thank you for sharing with me. I can imagine that the news is scary. I’d like to be a friend if you need one."

And that simple gesture captured my heart a little bit. I took her up on her offer.
Your x may have been a want but you never needed her. Your attitude says that.

Congrats on the health. 👏👏👏👏
 

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Discussion Starter · #131 ·
Awesome, brother!!

Care to elaborate on where that introspection has taken you?

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I take work less seriously. Very little gets me 'worked up' these days. I certainly acknowledge that I have had the good fortune of being able to work from home, and plan on continuing to do so, even after we can go back to the office. It's less chaotic, I'm more productive, and why the hell should I sit in my car for over 2 hours a day if I don't have to?

Had been ignoring a whole bunch of food related issues. Consequently after hard examination and discussion with my doc, I've cut loose dairy, which has all but eliminated my severe bronchial asthma. Cut out gluten, and some other grains, and I've ditched swollen, painful belly, crazy, crazy, fatigue, joint pain, brain fog, blurred vision. (Believe me, I know that sounds like one of those silly health pitches, but in my case ... all true) Food really is medicine. What you get out of it, all depends upon what you are putting in.

All's quiet on the dating front. I'm out there, but I'm not really out there. Again, there is no urgency ... but make no mistake, it has been a freakin' year, Deejo wants to get laid.
I've just learned, and put into practice so much, when it comes to relationships after haunting this place for nearly a decade and a half. All of it I have put into practice in my relationship adventures. I'm thankful for all of it.
I like dating. Don't need anyone to 'complete' me. Not looking for a soul-mate, have no qualms about being alone. I get along with myself just fine.

After re-reading all of the tripe I just wrote above, @farsidejunky, I think the simplest, most straightforward answer I have is; I'm a man at peace.

I've also set a goal that I need to have a coffee date with Paulina Poriskova. Ya'know ... because its important to have goals. Funny story there, I will share another time.
 

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I take work less seriously. Very little gets me 'worked up' these days. I certainly acknowledge that I have had the good fortune of being able to work from home, and plan on continuing to do so, even after we can go back to the office. It's less chaotic, I'm more productive, and why the hell should I sit in my car for over 2 hours a day if I don't have to?

Had been ignoring a whole bunch of food related issues. Consequently after hard examination and discussion with my doc, I've cut loose dairy, which has all but eliminated my severe bronchial asthma. Cut out gluten, and some other grains, and I've ditched swollen, painful belly, crazy, crazy, fatigue, joint pain, brain fog, blurred vision. (Believe me, I know that sounds like one of those silly health pitches, but in my case ... all true) Food really is medicine. What you get out of it, all depends upon what you are putting in.

All's quiet on the dating front. I'm out there, but I'm not really out there. Again, there is no urgency ... but make no mistake, it has been a freakin' year, Deejo wants to get laid.
I've just learned, and put into practice so much, when it comes to relationships after haunting this place for nearly a decade and a half. All of it I have put into practice in my relationship adventures. I'm thankful for all of it.
I like dating. Don't need anyone to 'complete' me. Not looking for a soul-mate, have no qualms about being alone. I get along with myself just fine.

After re-reading all of the tripe I just wrote above, @farsidejunky, I think the simplest, most straightforward answer I have is; I'm a man at peace.

I've also set a goal that I need to have a coffee date with Paulina Poriskova. Ya'know ... because its important to have goals. Funny story there, I will share another time.
You mean THAT Paulina?

Eh...let me open up my little black book.



As for the food, it isn't tripe, or new age, spacey, hippie ****. My overall pain level drops significantly when I eliminate grains from my diet, while shifting my carb intake to vegetables, nuts, etc.

Overall, you sound healthy, bro.

Keep being great...and when you are ready to tell that story...you know where we are.

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Glad you are clear, @Deejo.

I can't help feel that some people we meet are like human pinballs, they career around, smashing into the bumpers on the board, dropping into holes, racking up scores as they dash and zip around.


 

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It's great to hear you're cancer free but that might be one of the coldest reactions to a marriage breaking up I've ever heard. I border on sociopath sometimes and don't think I could pull off that level of detachment. At least with a woman I had feelings for.

Not saying you were right or wrong by reacting that way, but having walls that high might prevent a lot of women from bonding with you. Letting guys just hit on her at the club while you watch, I'd think most women would have preferred a reaction out of you. Even if it was under the guise of being something important to her.
 

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It's great to hear you're cancer free but that might be one of the coldest reactions to a marriage breaking up I've ever heard. I border on sociopath sometimes and don't think I could pull off that level of detachment. At least with a woman I had feelings for.

Not saying you were right or wrong by reacting that way, but having walls that high might prevent a lot of women from bonding with you. Letting guys just hit on her at the club while you watch, I'd think most women would have preferred a reaction out of you. Even if it was under the guise of being something important to her.
In one of your other posts you say that you have a really hot wife. Every man I know who has or had a hot girlfriend/wife is used to other men trying to hit on her. Just as hot women learn from a young age how to politely (or not so politely) tell guys hitting on them where to go.
It’s how she reacts that’s important.
 

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In one of your other posts you say that you have a really hot wife. Every man I know who has or had a hot girlfriend/wife is used to other men trying to hit on her. Just as hot women learn from a young age how to politely (or not so politely) tell guys hitting on them where to go.
It’s how she reacts that’s important.
Sometimes she does. But I'd never sit there at a table and just watch it happen over and over again . My wife would lose respect for me and my desire for her if I did.

Notice his wife didn't do anything about the leery guy until he finally reacted? The one time he reacted with emotion to anything. She was probably waiting for that.

And that pickup artist stuff, telling your wife nonchalantly that you'll just go f other women when she doesn't want to have sex with you anymore, that's great if you want to play power games. But if she doesn't want to have sex with you then something's broken and telling the woman you married she's just an interchangeable meatbag probably won't do much to fix it.

Again, it's not about right and wrong. Who did what or who's fault it is. It just seems like he's casting it all about how he just married the wrong person, when he reacted to some things in a way that would make a lot of women not want to stay married. He can't change what she is or isn't, only what he does for the next relationship.
 

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Sometimes she does. But I'd never sit there at a table and just watch it happen over and over again . My wife would lose respect for me and my desire for her if I did.

Notice his wife didn't do anything about the leery guy until he finally reacted? The one time he reacted with emotion to anything. She was probably waiting for that.

And that pickup artist stuff, telling your wife nonchalantly that you'll just go f other women when she doesn't want to have sex with you anymore, that's great if you want to play power games. But if she doesn't want to have sex with you then something's broken and telling the woman you married she's just an interchangeable meatbag probably won't do much to fix it.

Again, it's not about right and wrong. Who did what or who's fault it is. It just seems like he's casting it all about how he just married the wrong person, when he reacted to some things in a way that would make a lot of women not want to stay married. He can't change what she is or isn't, only what he does for the next relationship.
Don't know if you read all of my posts or responses in this thread. Presuming you couldn't possibly have ... but, if the above is your takeaway? Not really worth discussing.

There were likely lots of things I could have done differently. But I can also pretty easily state that if hanging onto a woman means getting everything 'right' all of the time lest she decide her partner is not meeting her needs or catering to her histrionics in maintaining a healthy relationship ... then yeah, count me out.

I do operate under a very simple premise at this point, anyone of course is free to judge how healthy it is, but I stand by it.

Never fight for someone that isn't willing to fight for you.
 
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