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Well, dang, I was hoping that you two would reconcile your differences. Will keep high hopes for your follow-up diagnosis. It's good that you have something to look forward to with the trip.
 

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Good to hear that you keep on keepin on :)

And well done on making it through (hopefully) the last round of treatment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #104 ·
Hello dear friends! Yep. I keep turning up like a bad penny. Unfortunately the first round of treatment didn't knock the cancer for a loop. Will be scheduling a second round very soon and transitioning my care and treatment into one of the major hospitals in Boston. In worst case, it is likely the bladder will need to be removed. Which also means the prostate goes with. Ironically, my prostate is absolutely fine. No indication of tumors or cancer.

Petition for divorce will be filed this week. We settled everything in a singular session with a mediator. Everything was civil and respectful. I'll be buying out her portion of the house in order to maintain a residence for my two teens. I remain upbeat and level-headed. This is certainly not the outcome that I wanted for my second (and last) marriage, but given the unusual nature of how it manifested, I don't feel compelled to do a great deal of soul searching or hand-wringing.

I do of course often shake my head at how circumstances play themselves out. One of the triggering events for her decision was her insistence that she no longer had any desire to sexual or romantic with 'anyone'. I made it very clear that I did not fall into that category. Now? I'm single, have been sexless for nearly a year at this point, and face the possibility of losing my ability to have a 'normal' intimate life. Ex-wife #2 has been seeing someone for the last 2 months. Her tragedy is, and I say this with no spite or disrespect; she is incapable of keeping a man long-term, yet, she will always need a man.
 

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Hello dear friends! Yep. I keep turning up like a bad penny. Unfortunately the first round of treatment didn't knock the cancer for a loop. Will be scheduling a second round very soon and transitioning my care and treatment into one of the major hospitals in Boston. In worst case, it is likely the bladder will need to be removed. Which also means the prostate goes with. Ironically, my prostate is absolutely fine. No indication of tumors or cancer.

Petition for divorce will be filed this week. We settled everything in a singular session with a mediator. Everything was civil and respectful. I'll be buying out her portion of the house in order to maintain a residence for my two teens. I remain upbeat and level-headed. This is certainly not the outcome that I wanted for my second (and last) marriage, but given the unusual nature of how it manifested, I don't feel compelled to do a great deal of soul searching or hand-wringing.

I do of course often shake my head at how circumstances play themselves out. One of the triggering events for her decision was her insistence that she no longer had any desire to sexual or romantic with 'anyone'. I made it very clear that I did not fall into that category. Now? I'm single, have been sexless for nearly a year at this point, and face the possibility of losing my ability to have a 'normal' intimate life. Ex-wife #2 has been seeing someone for the last 2 months. Her tragedy is, and I say this with no spite or disrespect; she is incapable of keeping a man long-term, yet, she will always need a man.
I'm certainly more concerned for your health than about your stbx.

What weird games she is playing!🙄
 

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So sorry to hear about the treatment. As for sex, read up on ostomy and sex. Your confidence in your body image is critical to your sex life. You can and you will be able to be intimate with a partner. Please pick one with less miles on them this time (fewer past marriages). Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #108 ·
I'm certainly more concerned for your health than about your stbx.

What weird games she is playing!🙄
I'm a pretty well balanced guy at this point Conan. I certainly had hoped that fact would have a mitigating impact on the marriage. But ... as I discovered, being well balanced sure doesn't make you right.
There is no cruelty in her. She's all self-preservation. Including avoidance of the fact that she literally made a choice that put she and her daughter into tremendous economic jeopardy. Do I wish she had waited until the ink was dry? I do. Do I invest a whole lot of effort fretting about her choice? No. She feels guilty, she is worried about her future, and she's scared. A good way to avoid dealing with all of that is to try and create a little bliss bubble to escape into with a shiny new partner. But the shine always wears off. Always. And apparently she doesn't know how to cope after that happens.

I'm certainly hopeful that the next round addresses the issue with the cancer. But I'm prepared to roll with it if the urostomy becomes a necessity. Still waiting on results for my kidneys. Doc said that is a whole other discussion. But ... the practical side of me says, it can't possibly be in both kidneys, so if that is the case, I can get by on one.

Hope all is well and good with your family.
 

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Discussion Starter · #109 ·
So sorry to hear about the treatment. As for sex, read up on ostomy and sex. Your confidence in your body image is critical to your sex life. You can and you will be able to be intimate with a partner. Please pick one with less miles on them this time (fewer past marriages). Good luck!
I've actually started doing just that @Blondilocks. A lot of the information I'm finding is relatively superficial, but I'm researching. Also will have no issue having some very explicit conversations with my doc. I know for sure that I will be pursuing other relationships. No time soon ... but bladder or no, I know myself well enough that I'm no monk.
 

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Damn, brother. Like others, I find myself worrying little about your STBX, and greatly about your health.

If you don't mind sharing, how aggressive is the "next step" in your treatment?
 

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@Deejo

Please allow me to speak on behalf of women "of a certain age." I am like you, in that I am a sexual being and have no intention of being a nun. But that being said, for me sex is sharing intimately with the one whom I love. So I get to know and love a person, and then express that in a physical way. And since I am "of a certain age" I realize that there may be some adjusting to be made for any variety of ailments that may come up. I know what I'm talking about--with Dear Hubby he had some limitations due to his heart failure, but we loved each other and found a way to make it work that was mutually pleasurable. That's what people do when they're loving.

Whatever may happen regarding your cancer, I have no doubt in my mind whatsoever that a partner who gets to know you and love you will make the effort to enjoy you in every way. Honestly, it may end up to be a wonderful way to winnow the wheat from the chaff! LOL I mean seriously, the right woman will probably find a way to turn it into fun (like "Hmmm...how could I make a sexy ostomy belt? Silk...or leather?")

People have stomas for many, MANY reasons, so yep--a good partner is going to care about you, want to see it, and accept it as part of who you are. And YIPPY that little pink thing is what made it so you can be here today! WOOHOO! It's something to celebrate and appreciate. Someone who's worthy of a man like you will not only "accept it" but embrace it and rejoice in it. Okay? Quality women "of a certain age" will think of it like that--women who don't see it that way are not quality anyway--swipe left on that lady.
 

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Discussion Starter · #113 ·
Damn, brother. Like others, I find myself worrying little about your STBX, and greatly about your health.

If you don't mind sharing, how aggressive is the "next step" in your treatment?
Oddly enough, bladder cancer is a highly treatable cancer. And the primary treatment does not use chemo or radiation. It utilizes immunotherapy. They use an inert form of the tuberculosis bacterium and fire it straight up my business into my bladder. The goal is to kick your immune system into overdrive that will fight off the TB AND the cancer. It's once a week for six weeks. The most challenging part is to resist the urge to urinate for over 2 hours, which I'll tell you is helluva challenge when someone has shot TB up your peepee with the force of a super soaker.

Upon the initial scope after treatment, the doc saw no visible signs of cancer. But ... a urine test indicated that there were still cancer cells. A biopsy then confirmed. I think that I had conveyed on the boards before that I had prostate issues, which I believed manifested as urinary issues. I'm now suspicious that was never the case and the bladder inflammation I've had over the last few years eventually manifested as carcinoma in situ (CIS).

Next step is another 6 week treatment. If that also fails, it has been indicated to me that any additional treatment is unlikely to be more effective.
 

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Discussion Starter · #114 ·
@Deejo

Please allow me to speak on behalf of women "of a certain age." I am like you, in that I am a sexual being and have no intention of being a nun. But that being said, for me sex is sharing intimately with the one whom I love. So I get to know and love a person, and then express that in a physical way. And since I am "of a certain age" I realize that there may be some adjusting to be made for any variety of ailments that may come up. I know what I'm talking about--with Dear Hubby he had some limitations due to his heart failure, but we loved each other and found a way to make it work that was mutually pleasurable. That's what people do when they're loving.

Whatever may happen regarding your cancer, I have no doubt in my mind whatsoever that a partner who gets to know you and love you will make the effort to enjoy you in every way. Honestly, it may end up to be a wonderful way to winnow the wheat from the chaff! LOL I mean seriously, the right woman will probably find a way to turn it into fun (like "Hmmm...how could I make a sexy ostomy belt? Silk...or leather?")

People have stomas for many, MANY reasons, so yep--a good partner is going to care about you, want to see it, and accept it as part of who you are. And YIPPY that little pink thing is what made it so you can be here today! WOOHOO! It's something to celebrate and appreciate. Someone who's worthy of a man like you will not only "accept it" but embrace it and rejoice in it. Okay? Quality women "of a certain age" will think of it like that--women who don't see it that way are not quality anyway--swipe left on that lady.
I like the way you think @Affaircare. And yes, it absolutely crossed my mind that having a conversation about an ostomy is a good way of finding who really values the relationship and doesn't just want me for my charm, good looks, and lack of money.
 

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I like the way you think @Affaircare. And yes, it absolutely crossed my mind that having a conversation about an ostomy is a good way of finding who really values the relationship and doesn't just want me for my charm, good looks, and lack of money.
Well! Who wouldn't go after someone with charm, good looks, and an empty wallet!! You'll be swimming in babes! LOL :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #119 ·
Well...uhhh...if ya don’t mind a little herpes...uhhh...

raises hand




Oh & if @Blondilocks gives me a hard time about CROSSING THE LINES ...DANG woman...give me a break! It’s been at least 1 1/2 years!
Hahahaha! Not laughing at the herpes. That was just funny. Dated a woman with herpes. Nothing that some good planning, discussion, innovation, and technology can't get around.
 
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