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Discussion Starter #1
So I log on to FB and see that my xWF has decided to take a European this week. I’m absolutely livid.

I’m the one who get’s cheated on. I’m the one who moves out. I’m the one who has to buy new furniture. I’m the one living in a basement apartment like a 20-year-old. I’m the one who gave up the friends she didn’t like—who would have been there for me through the worst. I’m the one spending money I don’t have on a shrink to help me through this.

And yet, she’s the one who gets to go bouncing around Europe with her friend enjoying her newfound freedom… as if she ****ing deserves it. As if she deserves a vacation from all the heartache uncertainty and pain that she brought on herself. I hope she gets in a fight with her friend and then gets pick-pocketed by a gypsy.

Seriously though… while breaking up has got to be a million times easier than trying to R, it’s still really hard. Especially when you know that the WS may never be in a position (or even have the capacity) to feel as much pain as they caused you. Plus, the date of our would-be wedding is only a couple of weeks away.

I just needed to vent. I was so tempted to write something nasty on her FB wall. But, I know, at this point, it would just make me look bad. How do you guys deal with this sort of residual anger?

Whatever, at least I’m the one getting laid again.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I assume that some of your money paid for that wonderful trip. If so, realize that life sometimes just isn't fair. Also, why are you still looking at her FB page? Let her go already.
Nope, no legitimate gripe on the $ front. She always made more than I--although, ironically I got a 20% bump after D-day. she bought the furniture, appliances and my money went to nights out and weekend getaways. Awesome that I have nothing to show for it.

Why is she still among my FB friends? Most rationally, so I can avoid her. Sounds ridiculous, but I was going out for a date 2 weeks ago and noticed on FB that she had checked-in to the very bistro to which I was headed. Called my date and changed venues playing it off as me just being spontaneous and whimsicle. Not very "alpha," but preferable to dragging some poor girl into that drama.

It's also helpful to know which of our friends is she regularly spending time with. I was very shocked when one of "her" friends de-friended her and took my side. I was also very surprised when one of mine (also a BS) stayed friends with her.

I could come up with a few other weaker reasons, but you still have a point.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Well here's a bit of positive news... My boss just emailed me asking me to go to Ireland for a few weeks. He said something to the effect of, "I wondered if you might be able to go deal with the Irish at the begining of December. They'll need you for about a week and if I don't see you again after that until 2013, that's fine. Just keep your numbers up!"

I should rant here more often!
 

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Well here's a bit of positive news... My boss just emailed me asking me to go to Ireland for a few weeks. He said something to the effect of, "I wondered if you might be able to go deal with the Irish at the begining of December. They'll need you for about a week and if I don't see you again after that until 2013, that's fine. Just keep your numbers up!"

I should rant here more often!
He is probably lurking here :).
Congrats in any case.
And do delink or defriend her from all you online activities, sites, profiles and communications.
 

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So, no offense, but if I were your xWF, I would post something like that all over Facebook just to get under your skin....

It looks like it worked, and she wins. Don't let her win.
 

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Another way to think of this is that she is blowing the money she got off you, while you save your money by going on a company sponsored trip. Guess who is coming out ahead in the big picture on this one...
 

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Were you married or not?

Yes, I'm married and my stbsw is in a PA and I have filed. I think about the hurt she has given me and our family that I really believe it would have been better that if it had to happen, it would have been easier when we where dating and not after 10yrs of marriage as is the case with me.
 

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Being a beta in divorce proceedings is never smart.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/53415-am-i-giving-up-too-easily.html

^ That attitude is to blame and is why you're here now.

The whole karma bus thing is crap. Plenty of people do wrong everyday and they're never accounted for it, why should infidelity be any different?

You probably wouldn't be living in your said basement if you got alpha and demanded she leave since shes the one who cheated.

And why are you looking at her FB? Get over her, cause shes obviously gotten over you, and make no mistake some European dude is definitely gonna be sexing her up while shes there.

Also, the preconception of D being easier than R is bullsh!t that beta males and cuckolds tell themselves to sleep at night. "I'm a bigger man I can forgive." *days later* "Why is she out past 4am again we agreed on this"

You can say you R'd, but how is continuing to put up with crap from your spouse is a sign of strength? Its not, its a sign of weakness and indecision.

Many BSs do this.

Exhibit A of not manning up and being a beta to his spouse for years, look what it got him.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/57143-foreign-affair.html


What takes strength is to do whats best for you regardless of whether its D or R.
 

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I assume that some of your money paid for that wonderful trip. If so, realize that life sometimes just isn't fair. Also, why are you still looking at her FB page? Let her go already.
I keep thinking of what my dad always said "Life is not fair". I have accepted it and I am much happier. :)
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Discussion Starter #17
Argh!

Just got an "I wish you wre here with me" email from the xWF. She was describing things she was doing and how there was a layer of sadness b/c she kept thinking about things I would also enjoy over there jokes I would make etc. She also mentioned how I would be able to handle some stressful situation she and her friend found herself in as evidence of how she even thinks of me in the "hard times."

She also congratulated me on my promotion and, for that reason alone, I feel that I probably should respond. I'm very tempted to write back something like: it's really easy to feel romantic when you're on a vacation, even in a stressful situation. But meanwhile I'm again finding myself putting in 10 hour days at work... Would you still feel that "love" for me then... Because the last time my job got like that you ****ed a d-bag in a hotel!

I don't want her back (I have a date this afternoon in fact) but I do want to be polite and the bigger person. The email was heartfelt and sincere... but, IMO, lacked evidence of any real IC type work. I've already called her every name in the book and now I'm starting to find my happiness again.

Any thoughts on how to reply?

Side note, I will have to see her at least one more time since a couple of our boxes got mixed up when I moved out.
 

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Argh!

Just got an "I wish you wre here with me" email from the xWF. She was describing things she was doing and how there was a layer of sadness b/c she kept thinking about things I would also enjoy over there jokes I would make etc. She also mentioned how I would be able to handle some stressful situation she and her friend found herself in as evidence of how she even thinks of me in the "hard times."

She also congratulated me on my promotion and, for that reason alone, I feel that I probably should respond. I'm very tempted to write back something like: it's really easy to feel romantic when you're on a vacation, even in a stressful situation. But meanwhile I'm again finding myself putting in 10 hour days at work... Would you still feel that "love" for me then... Because the last time my job got like that you ****ed a d-bag in a hotel!

I don't want her back (I have a date this afternoon in fact) but I do want to be polite and the bigger person. The email was heartfelt and sincere... but, IMO, lacked evidence of any real IC type work. I've already called her every name in the book and now I'm starting to find my happiness again.

Any thoughts on how to reply?

Side note, I will have to see her at least one more time since a couple of our boxes got mixed up when I moved out.
I wouldn't be nice but that's me. I'd send what you wrote. Maybe something meaner, considering what she did to you. She's got a lot of nerve rubbing that trip in your face (that's how I see it).

Sometimes being polite is overrated.
 

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Argh!

Just got an "I wish you wre here with me" email from the xWF. She was describing things she was doing and how there was a layer of sadness b/c she kept thinking about things I would also enjoy over there jokes I would make etc. She also mentioned how I would be able to handle some stressful situation she and her friend found herself in as evidence of how she even thinks of me in the "hard times."

She also congratulated me on my promotion and, for that reason alone, I feel that I probably should respond. I'm very tempted to write back something like: it's really easy to feel romantic when you're on a vacation, even in a stressful situation. But meanwhile I'm again finding myself putting in 10 hour days at work... Would you still feel that "love" for me then... Because the last time my job got like that you ****ed a d-bag in a hotel!

I don't want her back (I have a date this afternoon in fact) but I do want to be polite and the bigger person. The email was heartfelt and sincere... but, IMO, lacked evidence of any real IC type work. I've already called her every name in the book and now I'm starting to find my happiness again.

Any thoughts on how to reply?

Side note, I will have to see her at least one more time since a couple of our boxes got mixed up when I moved out.
Ignore her. Or just a minimal acknowledgement. She is fishing for responses and looking to starting a dialogue
 
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