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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I really need help. If infidelity wasn't enough, dear god now I also have a SUICIDE LETTER weighing on my heart. My WH wrote it last night in despair after I accused him of not telling me everything and repeatedly said I didn't believe him, that things didn't add up. Two nights ago I realized that it is incredibly unlikely for someone to go from no cheating to attempting to cheat with three women in one week - to contacting an escort, visiting a strip club and getting a strippers number, and hitting on a store clerk (and planning to go out) all in one week. I confronted him, though he has supposedly told me everything. I just needed to test him or to see if maybe there was more.

I did not expect this to all explode so horribly. This is not the first time he has mentioned himself being better off dead than alive since dday. But this is the first time it has gotten to a letter. I cried so much last night. I feel more insecure about life than ever before. I was getting better though he seems unable to deal with my deep depression and inability to trust him again. It's like if I can't move on, then he has no reason to live. It puts more pressure on me. I hate this life.

For more info on my case, here is a thread I started yesterday before he wrote the suicide letter:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/67054-how-know-you-know-all.html

I'm reposting this under "suicide" because I REALLY need feedback from people, especially anyone who has experience with the WS threatening, contemplating, or acting on death wishes.

How do you cope with a suicidal WS? My husband can be impulsive - and it scares me. I would rather him cheat on me again then kill himself. I love him. I don't want to drive him to madness. But why did he have to ruin me and make me like this? Oh life is so unbearable right now. I skipped all my classes today. Lied that I am sick. I am not a liar, but really I am not going to share this messed up marital story with my professors or classmates.

I want to go back in time. I want to be innocent and have a zest for life again. I want to love my husband so deeply and to not have to fear that he will hurt me or that he will hurt himself (which is the worst hurt he can do to me).
 

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I'd suggest getting some professional help, not anonymous people on the Internet. Call a suicide hotline in your area, talk to a trained professional who will know what resources are available in your area.

C
:iagree:
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
He doesn't speak English well enough to benefit from counseling. I learned his language, but I have been unsuccessful in finding psychological services in his language.

Leaves me more alone and more responsible for his life and the destruction he has waged on me.

He also does not have much support here. His family live in another country. He does have a couple good friends but he is too ashamed to tell them about his wayward behavior.
 

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He doesn't speak English well enough to benefit from counseling. I learned his language, but I have been unsuccessful in finding psychological services in his language.

Leaves me more alone and more responsible for his life and the destruction he has waged on me.

He also does not have much support here. His family live in another country. He does have a couple good friends but he is too ashamed to tell them about his wayward behavior.
You call the hotline and tell them this. You're calling the hotline for yourself here, not for him.
 

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I just want to let you know that a lot of Wayward Spouses threaten suicide as another way to control you, and they have no intention of following through.

Very rarely does a cheater actually commit suicide. Google it and you'll see.
There's a case in Wales at the moment. WW sent a suicide text. And she killed herself.
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There's a case in Wales at the moment. WW sent a suicide text. And she killed herself.
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I just read about this a few minutes ago. You talking about the one where she got knocked up with the OM's child?
 

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Now that's too bad, isn't it?


That's why I said "very rarely".
Yes, in fact, it is too bad. How can you be so self-righteous?

OP, don't go to the "He made his own bed" like some of the posters. Take everything he does with a pinch of salt. But that doesn't mean everything he does is evil. Help him get through this on his own.

If you want to reconcile though, wait for the shock of the whole stuff go away to make sure you're not reconciling for the wrong reasons.(any reason except "you love him+he's very remorseful" is a wrong reason.)
 

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I was once in a relationship with someone until he killed himself in our home...I can tell you that if he didn't do it immediately after writing that letter...it is likely that he isn't in a place mentally where he is ready to "go" just yet.

Take it seriously, get him checked into a mental health hospital where he can be observed for a couple of days. They will figure out a way to communicate with him.
 

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Yes, in fact, it is too bad. How can you be so self-righteous?

OP, don't go to the "He made his own bed" like some of the posters. Take everything he does with a pinch of salt. But that doesn't mean everything he does is evil. Help him get through this on his own.

If you want to reconcile though, wait for the shock of the whole stuff go away to make sure you're not reconciling for the wrong reasons.(any reason except "you love him+he's very remorseful" is a wrong reason.)
It's not self-righteous. Perhaps you are naive. Don't call people names if you don't want it back.

It's a proven fact that ws use that as one of the first weapons of control when they are caught. It serves her to be armed with this info. instead of her being led to feel guilty that it is somehow her responsibility to "save his life".
 

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I agree that this is very controlling behaviour. On the one hand.

However, he may well be clutching at straws. Because of his desperation and shame?

I agreed with you in your 1st thread that what has happened as he tells it is unlikely. But, If he comes from a different culture, which one? You don't have to answer that. But it could mean something. If he is freer, has been hit with temptations that he has not come across before, has no real desensitisation to the temptations and repurcussions that are now an everyday thing in western society? Curiosity....and of course more than that?

It is difficult to assess without knowing more about you two, but maybe his culture also has something to do with his shame and his wish to commit suicide due to the burden of guilt? Not only guilt for you and his relationship, but also more deep seated guilt for the kind of things he was looking into? To his family and his sense of self.

Of course, I am coming from the point of view that he is from a conservative and restricted culture as opposed to just another country with another language.

Just thoughts....

If he is from a country of similar values and temptations, I would suggest he is being controlling, as opposed to the self flagellation that comes from shameful behaviour.
 
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