Been together for seven months. We are currently living together. We had some jealousy issues early in the relationship as a result of my insecurities however as we progressed I've learned to trust my partner. I trust and love her deeply. We are both in our mid thirties and I like her to be the one. We're wonderfully happy when everything is fine. We have great communication and intimacy, everything seems to be prefect. Until, she accuses me of checking out other women. All communication seems to come to an halt. We fight like cat and dog for no reason for days.
The problem is that I am not checking out anyone. I am a visual person and I like to be aware of my surroundings. I look at guys, girls, cats, dogs. And sometimes I space out and don't even see what's in front of me, especially when I am stressed out.
9 out of 10 times, I don't even remember the women she accuses me of checking out. I look at people and all I see is bunch of people. But if there is a "good looking" woman among those people, she will accuse me of looking at her. And she claims I am disrespecting her. It started with beautiful women, now it's old, young, good looking, not-so good looking. Apparently I am looking at ALL women without any discrimination ?
First I thought I could deal with it and make her see that I love her very much, she is the only woman I want. I've been complimenting her all the time, telling her how beautiful I think she is, telling her how much I love her. But nothing seems to work.
Every time we go out, we have a fight. If I look at any "female" twice, she'll shut down and get upset. This will ruin our day. I don't know what to do at this point. This is giving me extreme anxiety. I can't even look around, I keep my eyes down or up and avoid any "eye contact" with any woman at all costs as I know it will cause a fight. I don't think I can live like this. I just can't take it anymore. All my friends and family are telling me to end it as it won't get any better. And I shouldn't even think about marriage at this point. The problem is that I love her very much.
I suggested counseling, she got upset and told me that I am the one with a problem because I am the one 'looking'. I asked her to let me know as soon as she sees me 'looking' at some other woman, so that I'll know what and who she's talking about, but then she doesn't seem to do that either - she shuts down and gets angry, and as a result I get angry - and we fight. I pretty much tried everything nothing is working.
As a last resort, I am posting this. Thank you for reading and I appreciate any help.
The problem is that I am not checking out anyone. I am a visual person and I like to be aware of my surroundings. I look at guys, girls, cats, dogs. And sometimes I space out and don't even see what's in front of me, especially when I am stressed out.
9 out of 10 times, I don't even remember the women she accuses me of checking out. I look at people and all I see is bunch of people. But if there is a "good looking" woman among those people, she will accuse me of looking at her. And she claims I am disrespecting her. It started with beautiful women, now it's old, young, good looking, not-so good looking. Apparently I am looking at ALL women without any discrimination ?
First I thought I could deal with it and make her see that I love her very much, she is the only woman I want. I've been complimenting her all the time, telling her how beautiful I think she is, telling her how much I love her. But nothing seems to work.
Every time we go out, we have a fight. If I look at any "female" twice, she'll shut down and get upset. This will ruin our day. I don't know what to do at this point. This is giving me extreme anxiety. I can't even look around, I keep my eyes down or up and avoid any "eye contact" with any woman at all costs as I know it will cause a fight. I don't think I can live like this. I just can't take it anymore. All my friends and family are telling me to end it as it won't get any better. And I shouldn't even think about marriage at this point. The problem is that I love her very much.
I suggested counseling, she got upset and told me that I am the one with a problem because I am the one 'looking'. I asked her to let me know as soon as she sees me 'looking' at some other woman, so that I'll know what and who she's talking about, but then she doesn't seem to do that either - she shuts down and gets angry, and as a result I get angry - and we fight. I pretty much tried everything nothing is working.
As a last resort, I am posting this. Thank you for reading and I appreciate any help.