My mom and I share a really good relationship as with most families. She raised me by herself while my dad left when I was young to start another family and I have no doubt she loves me a lot.
However, I am now 28 years old and recently got married. My new wife and I recently bought a home and would like to start our new life together. Before we moved out, we all agreed that we were going to live separately but close enough to where we can visit each other as often as we wanted to (within 15min).
When we got our new house, my mom asked if she can move in with us temporarily while she looked for a new job. She let my aunt take over our previous residence since they have a lot of issues when staying under the same roof. It has been a year now and she is still with us. My wife and I have offered to rent a place nearby as to the original agreement so we can live separately, she can live comfortable, and to avoid any in-law issues that might arise (which already has).
Every time we bring it up, she gets mad and says I want to kick her out and we don't want her in our lives. This of course is not true at all. She would get mad, go stay with her sister for a week then come back and start the routine over again. We just want to be able to start our own lives and not have mom doing everything for us around the house when we're off to work. The last argument we had was really bad and she has it in her mind that we kicked her out. She told some of my family members the same thing and now my wife and I are hated by them when it was her that broke her initial promise.
She claims that she does not want to live with us but just wants time to find a job. If that's true, why is living a block down to street from us such a horrible suggestion and why does she always get mad when we bring up the topic?
I think she really wants to stay with me even though she says she doesn't. Anyone have any thoughts on that? Was it wrong for me to suggest getting her a place nearby until she found a new job? Should I have waited and let her stay until she knew exactly where she wanted to live? I know she'll forgive me eventually since we're family but I don't want everyone to hate my wife because of this.
By the way, we're asian and she keeps saying that when she was brought up, everyone lived together under one roof even though she says she doesn't care about living with us. My wife and I are raised in the US. I'm really torn on the issue since I don't want to hurt my mother in any way and I also don't want fight with my wife to the point where we'll end up getting a divorce. We both want to live separate lives but my mom seems to not want to let go. Any opinions or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks in advance everyone.
However, I am now 28 years old and recently got married. My new wife and I recently bought a home and would like to start our new life together. Before we moved out, we all agreed that we were going to live separately but close enough to where we can visit each other as often as we wanted to (within 15min).
When we got our new house, my mom asked if she can move in with us temporarily while she looked for a new job. She let my aunt take over our previous residence since they have a lot of issues when staying under the same roof. It has been a year now and she is still with us. My wife and I have offered to rent a place nearby as to the original agreement so we can live separately, she can live comfortable, and to avoid any in-law issues that might arise (which already has).
Every time we bring it up, she gets mad and says I want to kick her out and we don't want her in our lives. This of course is not true at all. She would get mad, go stay with her sister for a week then come back and start the routine over again. We just want to be able to start our own lives and not have mom doing everything for us around the house when we're off to work. The last argument we had was really bad and she has it in her mind that we kicked her out. She told some of my family members the same thing and now my wife and I are hated by them when it was her that broke her initial promise.
She claims that she does not want to live with us but just wants time to find a job. If that's true, why is living a block down to street from us such a horrible suggestion and why does she always get mad when we bring up the topic?
I think she really wants to stay with me even though she says she doesn't. Anyone have any thoughts on that? Was it wrong for me to suggest getting her a place nearby until she found a new job? Should I have waited and let her stay until she knew exactly where she wanted to live? I know she'll forgive me eventually since we're family but I don't want everyone to hate my wife because of this.
By the way, we're asian and she keeps saying that when she was brought up, everyone lived together under one roof even though she says she doesn't care about living with us. My wife and I are raised in the US. I'm really torn on the issue since I don't want to hurt my mother in any way and I also don't want fight with my wife to the point where we'll end up getting a divorce. We both want to live separate lives but my mom seems to not want to let go. Any opinions or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks in advance everyone.