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In a surprising twist, a very humbling and heartfelt message from the Administrator over there regarding his take on affairs and his struggle in maintaining those forums as they once were... and apparently now to never be again.

The word is banned from this site, so you'll have to take the spaces out of the [edited by admin] word in the URL below to make it work when you paste it:
 

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I think its awesome but shows that people will do anything for "money". Guess they were enjoying the money too much to notice what was going on and when they got a good look they realized it was against his morals. Interesting!
 

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I like to think that the TAM family played its own part in Doc's realization that it's not just filling a service, it's being complicit in destroying lives. I'd never stoop to commenting on the site to congratulate him but if he ever comes back here to look around and sees this message, I hope he knows that I'm very proud of him. Not that he needs or wants my congratulations but he has them anyway.
 

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From the site:

A couple of months ago I decided that a redesign of the site was in order and part of that process involved me moving the forum to a new software platform. While I was in the midst of that project I really began to actually read the content that was being posted on a daily basis. I mean really read it. Not just skim it over like I may have done in the past. I don’t know what it was but it was like cold water being thrown in my face. The posts were not just words on a page to me anymore. The posts became vignettes in to peoples lives that really began to make me feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. The post about a man that got off seeing his affair partner dress up in his wives clothes as part of sex play. The talk of using the marital bed to have sex while you are cheating. People talking about how they get turned on by being on the phone with their spouse while they receive sexual favors from their affair partner. This is some pretty disturbing **** to put it mildly. I could go on and on an on. The site is filled with stories of such shocking betrayal that it really does make for difficult reading.

During the course of reaching out to people who’s lives have been touched by an affair in the hope of having them participate in the dialogue, someone very wise pointed out to me that it would be like having a site for rapists and victims of rapists to come together to read and discuss the topic of rape. While I certainly don’t believe that the act of adultery is comparable to someone being raped, the analogy brought home to me the fact that the degree of hurt that someone must feel after learning that their spouse has been cheating could in no way be tempered by engaging in dialogue with people that were actually engaging in the exact behavior that could lead to such terrible pain. I have been told that the pain of discovering an affair is beyond the ability of mere words to describe.
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This is in re to several posters berating the BS when he discovered his W was cheating and began to cry. The wife said she laughed at him and recieved support and understanding. The posts were brutal.

I think the final straw came from just another post in just another thread where a member wrote that she found the thought of a man crying to be funny. This same member had spent the past few days whining like a petulant child that since the new forum software came in to effect that she didn’t like the way the site looked on her cell phone. The cold cruelty along with the unforgiving sense of entitlement and narcissism just made me sick to my stomach. Why am I doing this? Why am I building a platform for such twisted thinking? Who the **** are these people?

The bottom line for me is that I have to get up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and be comfortable with who I am and what I stand for. I can’t stand for this anymore.
 

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Wow - I never visited that site - sounds sick. Good for him to finally wake up...wonder if his SO cheated on him and it is hitting close to home?
 

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At least two members there had proudly declared they had been previous members here and found the BS here to be whiney, pathetic crybabies. I wouldn't be surprised to see a few new troll posts in the coming days.
 

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That's wonderful news. Sadly, like the vermin that they are, the cheaters will just scatter and find some other cesspool to haunt. The narcassism on that forum was beyond real - inhuman, even.
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And you know the incredibly savvy will be able to locate those sites for us as well. And some will visit, again, in homes of waking up those waywards.
 

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I applaud him for this decision - when he was engaging with members over here I found him very approachable and rational, but I had a certain amount of doubt about his sincerity and resolve - this act of shutting it down shows me he was sincere on here and I respect that greatly.

And in turn it just may make a few of the regulars over there consider their own actions, and stop to see the potential life changing pain they are causing their spouses. It is not the act of consenting adults that is ever the problem, it's always been about the unconsenting deceived party, which is why its called cheating.
 

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I just spent some time on the site and it does not appear all bad. There seem many WS are looking for answers to their destructive behavior, I read one insightful post describing their affair as equivilant to "getting high", and that there were out of control.

Having said that, there are others who are purely destructive, but isn;t that also a useful detail for Spouses to hear and understand that there are relationship monsters capable of such masochism?
 

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Plan 9 from OS was a big part of the change... his thread is linked to in the statement.
I am quite surprised to see that the site is now down and even more surprised that a thread I started was linked in his "epiphany article". He and I had several exchanges and I was a little surprised at how defensive he was. I never felt that I was out of line when I was posting over there. Sometime during the first week of Jan I told him in one of our exchanges that I was done with his site and that I was never coming back. Basically told him that his idea of putting BS and WS forums together will NEVER work so long as he will not allow a free exchange of ideas to flow without throwing out the "preaching, judging or lecturing" labels every time someone made a post that questioned the assumptions made by those engaging in affairs.

A very interesting turn of events to say the least. I think Doc Cool will be sleeping a lot better at night now that he has done the right thing.
 
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