Would you......
- Status
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Joined
·
17,159 Posts
I considered it but wisely thought the best punishment for her would be to let her reap the full consequences of her own decisions. The worst thing that can happen to two cheaters is for two worthless people to end up with each other. It's the perfect justice and you don't have to do anything to make it happen. They will invariably end up miserable because neither of them will have a partner they can trust.
Joined
·
575 Posts
Weigh the cost verse the benefit. The cost to prove adultery in court can be expensive, the burden of proof is pretty high. If you are not in a state were adultery were it is factored into any kind of support, is there really a benefit?
I like unbelievable's idea. Use the cloudiness of her judgement while she is banging Mr. Wonderful to get a decent settlement. Then just let her go.....
I like unbelievable's idea. Use the cloudiness of her judgement while she is banging Mr. Wonderful to get a decent settlement. Then just let her go.....
Joined
·
20,731 Posts
No. Would not and did not.
And feel happy I didn't do anything vindictive.
To me, our demise/divorce was/is a very private matter. Even in all the ugliness, I think some things are sacred, and I am so greatful that I didn't do anything spiteful.
And feel happy I didn't do anything vindictive.
To me, our demise/divorce was/is a very private matter. Even in all the ugliness, I think some things are sacred, and I am so greatful that I didn't do anything spiteful.
Joined
·
17,159 Posts
Absolutely! Nothing butters your own toast quite like an ex who believes she's in love with another guy. With a mind full of sex and stupidness, she'll sign anything. I'd drag my heels and hope he gets her pregnant. Your revenge will be in knowing this evil bat is making some other guy's life a living hell.
Well the property division is done...would simply speed things along by two months or so...in addition to being public record which would show she was caught twice. It is very tempting, as I do have a vindictive side, and she has political aspirations. But, when weighing the cost, I lose.
c2500
c2500
Joined
·
17,159 Posts
Dirt on a sitting politician is worth more than dirt on an aspiring one.
C,
By 'nail', do you mean that adultery has a financial impact impact on the settlement?
If it does, then here are my questions for you:
- Do you believe that the lifestyle you provided was a substantial factor in your wife staying and cheating as opposed to simply initiating a divorce?
- Did she continue that pattern after D day by giving lip service to reconciliation? - when you look back, do you feel that she took advantage of your kind nature?
- as for your sexual disconnect do you feel she didn't want to be bothered making an effort to figure out and communicate what needed to happen for it to improve?
If those are all 'yes' responses than this is what I would do. Ask my lawyer to calculate the approximate settlement with and without adultery. Ask him to estimate the likelihood I could prove it in court. Sit down with her one on one and lay out the numbers. Then I would ask her what she thinks is fair. When she finished speaking I would drill down on one topic - the recon. And I would ask this: you knew the affair hurt me badly, and looking back I believe you knew a recon was not in your 'heart'. Why did you drag me through that extra pain when you knew where we would end up eventually?
And I would listen. And I would consider her input and then make an offer.
If the spread was $100, and my lawyer said 95 percent likely to 'prove', and she was still totally self focused, I would say - you can accept the base minus the full infidelity penalty, or I will prove it in open court and it will be a permanent public record. Your choice.
And then I would let her decide. If she cares about her rep - she can settle fairly with you. If she once again wants to exploit your kindness, I would use the facts and get the best financial outcome.
By 'nail', do you mean that adultery has a financial impact impact on the settlement?
If it does, then here are my questions for you:
- Do you believe that the lifestyle you provided was a substantial factor in your wife staying and cheating as opposed to simply initiating a divorce?
- Did she continue that pattern after D day by giving lip service to reconciliation? - when you look back, do you feel that she took advantage of your kind nature?
- as for your sexual disconnect do you feel she didn't want to be bothered making an effort to figure out and communicate what needed to happen for it to improve?
If those are all 'yes' responses than this is what I would do. Ask my lawyer to calculate the approximate settlement with and without adultery. Ask him to estimate the likelihood I could prove it in court. Sit down with her one on one and lay out the numbers. Then I would ask her what she thinks is fair. When she finished speaking I would drill down on one topic - the recon. And I would ask this: you knew the affair hurt me badly, and looking back I believe you knew a recon was not in your 'heart'. Why did you drag me through that extra pain when you knew where we would end up eventually?
And I would listen. And I would consider her input and then make an offer.
If the spread was $100, and my lawyer said 95 percent likely to 'prove', and she was still totally self focused, I would say - you can accept the base minus the full infidelity penalty, or I will prove it in open court and it will be a permanent public record. Your choice.
And then I would let her decide. If she cares about her rep - she can settle fairly with you. If she once again wants to exploit your kindness, I would use the facts and get the best financial outcome.
Joined
·
1,305 Posts
When it comes to divorce I believe in the old adage "The best revenge is living well" Nothing f's with their head more than you thriving after they're out of your life.
If there's kids involved that adds another dimension as well.
If there's kids involved that adds another dimension as well.
Joined
·
2,325 Posts
There's some circumstances where I think it would be beneficial.
One would be if she has limited funds and has to use lawyer money to defend herself on criminal charges. That's why I pressed charges on my stbxw for identity theft.
Most states though, even the ones with laws against adultery, rarely prosecute. Mine was one of them, my attorney said the DA would not press charges.
One would be if she has limited funds and has to use lawyer money to defend herself on criminal charges. That's why I pressed charges on my stbxw for identity theft.
Most states though, even the ones with laws against adultery, rarely prosecute. Mine was one of them, my attorney said the DA would not press charges.
Not a chance. I don't think alimony should even exist in most cases and division of property should be split up as evenly as possible. I know not all cases is it reasonable for the two people to discuss in a civil matter what each other gets, but the whole vindictive thing I just don't understand. One starts it than the other wants to continue it. Ugly.
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
- Status
Join the discussion
