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Discussion Starter #1
Would you, if you had the chance, nail your ex to be for adultry?

I have the chance to do it. Don't plan too, but in a warped way think it would be funny. By the definition of law, I can get her.

Thoughts?

c2500
 

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I considered it but wisely thought the best punishment for her would be to let her reap the full consequences of her own decisions. The worst thing that can happen to two cheaters is for two worthless people to end up with each other. It's the perfect justice and you don't have to do anything to make it happen. They will invariably end up miserable because neither of them will have a partner they can trust.
 

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Weigh the cost verse the benefit. The cost to prove adultery in court can be expensive, the burden of proof is pretty high. If you are not in a state were adultery were it is factored into any kind of support, is there really a benefit?

I like unbelievable's idea. Use the cloudiness of her judgement while she is banging Mr. Wonderful to get a decent settlement. Then just let her go.....
 

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Weigh the cost verse the benefit. The cost to prove adultery in court can be expensive, the burden of proof is pretty high. If you are not in a state were adultery were it is factored into any kind of support, is there really a benefit?

I like unbelievable's idea. Use the cloudiness of her judgement while she is banging Mr. Wonderful to get a decent settlement. Then just let her go.....
Absolutely! Nothing butters your own toast quite like an ex who believes she's in love with another guy. With a mind full of sex and stupidness, she'll sign anything. I'd drag my heels and hope he gets her pregnant. Your revenge will be in knowing this evil bat is making some other guy's life a living hell.
 

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Well the property division is done...would simply speed things along by two months or so...in addition to being public record which would show she was caught twice. It is very tempting, as I do have a vindictive side, and she has political aspirations. But, when weighing the cost, I lose.

c2500
 

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C,
By 'nail', do you mean that adultery has a financial impact impact on the settlement?

If it does, then here are my questions for you:
- Do you believe that the lifestyle you provided was a substantial factor in your wife staying and cheating as opposed to simply initiating a divorce?
- Did she continue that pattern after D day by giving lip service to reconciliation? - when you look back, do you feel that she took advantage of your kind nature?
- as for your sexual disconnect do you feel she didn't want to be bothered making an effort to figure out and communicate what needed to happen for it to improve?

If those are all 'yes' responses than this is what I would do. Ask my lawyer to calculate the approximate settlement with and without adultery. Ask him to estimate the likelihood I could prove it in court. Sit down with her one on one and lay out the numbers. Then I would ask her what she thinks is fair. When she finished speaking I would drill down on one topic - the recon. And I would ask this: you knew the affair hurt me badly, and looking back I believe you knew a recon was not in your 'heart'. Why did you drag me through that extra pain when you knew where we would end up eventually?

And I would listen. And I would consider her input and then make an offer.

If the spread was $100, and my lawyer said 95 percent likely to 'prove', and she was still totally self focused, I would say - you can accept the base minus the full infidelity penalty, or I will prove it in open court and it will be a permanent public record. Your choice.

And then I would let her decide. If she cares about her rep - she can settle fairly with you. If she once again wants to exploit your kindness, I would use the facts and get the best financial outcome.
 

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When it comes to divorce I believe in the old adage "The best revenge is living well" Nothing f's with their head more than you thriving after they're out of your life.

If there's kids involved that adds another dimension as well.
 

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There's some circumstances where I think it would be beneficial.

One would be if she has limited funds and has to use lawyer money to defend herself on criminal charges. That's why I pressed charges on my stbxw for identity theft.

Most states though, even the ones with laws against adultery, rarely prosecute. Mine was one of them, my attorney said the DA would not press charges.
 

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Only if it made a difference in alimony or the division of property!
Not a chance. I don't think alimony should even exist in most cases and division of property should be split up as evenly as possible. I know not all cases is it reasonable for the two people to discuss in a civil matter what each other gets, but the whole vindictive thing I just don't understand. One starts it than the other wants to continue it. Ugly.
 
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