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Discussion Starter #1
Hi all

I have posted recently regarding my story. In a nutshell:
Married 2 years, together 3 and have 2 year old
Husband has lost attraction to me, but can't pen it down to what and we are in counseling to see if marriage can be fixed or saved.

Back story is this happened to my H in first marriage, but he said lost attraction was due to boredom. Now as it happened again he feels I might not be the one if he is not attracted to me an that way. We are 2 months into counseling and it is frustrating as we have improved relationship with our communication, but sex is still off the table until he feels those desires for me.

I guarantee no cheating or porn addiction. Counseling thinking he lost himself in relationship as we came together fast. H is now trying to find himself by working out again and taking time for himself. I just feel it is such a slow process as we have been discussing this issue for 5 months now.

Wish he could just see what he has to lose if he can't "find" those feelings for me again.

I do not want a sexless marriage, nor does he, but said a marriage could end over that.

Thoughts or stories of anyone working through this?
 

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So he's bored with you and you're trying to fix that without sex? Whose idea was that? How has your sex life been? Usually when a man says he is bored with a woman, sex is exactly what he's talking about.
 

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Sounds to me like he has a problem differentiating between love and lust. You knew each other for, what, 3 months and you were pregnant? I bet that's why you got married? And now he feels trapped. He was in lust with you and impregnated you, but now that the honeymoon phase is over, he's realized he married you for the wrong reasons. He isn't in love with you. He probably did the same thing in his first marriage.
 

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How was your sex life before he lost interest? After the baby came did you reject him a lot? And then he quit initiating sex? Because the shame of rejection? And then he lost interest in order to relieve the anxiety of not getting sex from the woman he loves. It's a defense mechanism.

Without that connection, men often lose interest. That doesn't mean they're confusing love and lust. But men generally establish their emotional connection through sex and without sex it's very hard for us to feel love or feel loved.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
@drover: he was bored in his first marriage. Not with me.
@hope1964: we were dating 6 months before gettin pregnant and no he does not feel trapped as he was the intiator in the relationship and we both wanted marriage. He was in love with me before I was in love with him. Now he just feels he lost the sexual connection.
@drover: actually I have been the intiator of sex as I think I have a higher drive. He says the sex was good but it has felt like he is doing it for me. I was the one getting rejected.
 
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