[TinyTbone]

So, this one cluster f** of monkey n*! I can get it a bit jealous. Definitely a case of retro jealousy...been there a little myself. But to go freaking bonkers and tear up the place? He has a BIG ISSUE! Also this shows he really can be dangerous physically to you and the children, very concerning. He DOES need real therapy to figure this out. Would also be considering real seperation for cool off and to work through this. Dont be alone till you feel safe with him and don't allow unsupervised visits with your children!
Cheating, no it wasn't. Neither of you could have known you would be married later on. As to one post suggesting he was upset cuz you didn't give it up on the first date yet did to ex right after? You and the ex already had history and residual feelings, didn't know for sure if was truly over or not at the time. It was easy for both of you slip back into that embrace, then regret later it was a mistake and its over. Then realize ya kinda liked the new fella and pursued him after that. Neither of you had verbally committed to being exclusive yet. He's gonna have to see this as the reality and let it go before all the both of you have is destroyed!

 

[TinyTbone]

He found out by reading my old texts and noticed the date. We became a couple 3 or 4 months later. We have been together 3+ years and married 1.

We all have a past! It is called the past because its already happened and done with! I had a past when I met the woman I married. So did she. She was also dating someone at rhe time. I respected that and valued the friendship we struck up. She introduced me to more people whom I'm still friends with today. The other guy absolutely blew it up on his own. Lied about dumping his fiancee and was shacked up with her for a whole week. I found out, without wanting to, informed her. She took off, verified for a fact what I said was true and dumped the ahole. She and I have been together ever since...38.5 years now. Who got the prize!

 

[TinyTbone]

Yes but your past extended into your husband’s present.

I dont her past extended into his present. He has a jealousy issue. That i do get. I have inadvertently met both of my wifes sexual partners prior to our marriage. I was, to say the least very uncomfortable with that. I didn't however just go digging up her past before us to enrage myself and say hurtful things! Those 2 guys were my now wifes past! Not mine and hers. I had an extensive past, which shes known since we were married. She did ask and I did tell her. Thats also my past, not hers and ours. Tgis man has a huge jealousy issue. Regardless of whether he had loved or had a crush on her before that first date, they had just that one date, before months down the road becoming fully involved in a mutually exclusive relationship. I thing that the worst case scenario is that @Klee at the time possibly made a mistake in judgement allowing the ex and her to continue if she felt it over, if she did indicate feelings for her now husband. She wasn't as she said, sleeping around with multiple partners at that time. It was just a sloppy ending of a relatuonship, that just over lapped at a bad time.

 

[TinyTbone]

Many consider themselves to be a couple once they are dating. This need for an agreement to be 'exclusive' is weird to me as that was never a thing until recently.
I personally would have no interest in anyone who dated me and then had sex with an ex. He didn't have that choice.

Ok, so to clarify, she had said date, i.e. 1 date, they did start dating later. The event happened after one date. Does going out on 1 date constitute dating? I agree with other posters, this is deeper than the event. It deals with her husband's psyche and mental imagine of how they are and were. Plays deep in his mind how, now he puts it together what happened at first and is fed dreadfully by her continuing contact with the OM and having to ask her to stop contact. His mind is shouting, as well as his heart he got played! That she was still with the OM, even after they had started exclusively dating each other. It looks bad to him, no amount of minimizing this will work. They have some very deep discussions coming and she must ensure that he knows HE is her everything and has been since they started dating one on one! That she sees how stupid and hurtful it was for whatever reason she continued contact with the ex period. She needs to validate his feelings with sincerity, regardless of the time that has passed. He has the right to his feelings. You can sure be he has already thought about whether their child is his or the OM's, especially considering the ommisission of some of what happened so long ago. Then casually meeting up with this guy? Her not immediately shutting down the encounter so as not to make her husband uncomfortable! There is no way on earth she could honestly say she didn't know he was highly uncomfortable during this meet up. Especially her saying she kept glancing over at him to gage his reaction. Action/reaction, sets off a chain of events culminating in the mess she has divulged here.

 

[TinyTbone]

We have gotten into bad screaming matches. He has thrown stuff, things like that just never at this scale. It was always about something stupid.

Guess what? For probably the first 15 years after i got married I'd have temper fits about dumb stuff as well and I did break things throw things and yell...alot! Not my proudest admission. Years of therapy and a visit to my dr about it and finally and now I know I'm bipolar as well as possibly adhd. Still working on total diagnosis by a psychologist. Did explain alot to me though.

 

[TinyTbone]

She wasn't sleeping around. She had sex one more time with an ex she had a long term relationship with that just ended. This one time happened after a first date woth someone after which she still hardly knew the first date (her words). She wasn't exclusive with and wasn't a couple with this first date she hardly knew. Having sex one last time with someone you just ended a long term relationship with isn't "sleeping around" 🤣

Geeze, the old double standard.

 

[TinyTbone]

If you aren't a priority then you are an option. Everyone has different criteria.

Not everyone wants to play the role of a back up while they are dating.

I didn't. In her husbands place I wouldn't have bothered to wait to address it six months into the relationship. I would have parted ways with her much earlier. If an ex is still in a woman's life then that relationship hasn't ended.

This is the heart of the issue! Not having a last go with the ex, but still interacting with the guy for the first 6 months after they had started dating. The last go of it plays into it all because of continued interactions with the ex. Paints a pic in his mind as to WTF, were they still hooking up while we were dating? Pretty sure that's where the mind movie went after reading all the texts and seeing pics on old phone. Now the real problem has become the anger issue. That has to be addressed for future safety for her and the baby!

 

[TinyTbone]

Ok, so blah, blah, blah, dating...done been beat to death! How are the 2 of you holding up? So when you guys had seriously started dating and up to marriage, had he shown this propensity for anger out bursts? Did being pregnant factor in to marriage or was that after marriage? Do hope you guys can talk peacefully and work out his insecurities.

 

[TinyTbone]

Do you know the meaning of double standard? because nothing I wrote has anything to do with a double standard.

I'm talking about the one where men are studs for how many partners they get and women.are.considered trash for having as many.