Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
424 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I tried asking this in the Reconciliation forum, but decided to try posting it here since I am not actually reconciling:

This is just a hypothetical question~but something I have been wondering about only. I think what has brought it on, is feeling sorry for myself for the situation I am now in-single and raising my kids in another state than my STBX lives in. I am not thinking about getting back together with my husband, but just want opinions on this: that if your spouse was truly remorseful for an affair he had and you could forgive, would you get back together if the kids were still young and wanted their Dad around more however, you were no longer attracted to him sexually? It doesn't mean the sex didn't happen during the time we were married, but the attraction had been gone for a very long time and you knew there was no way you were getting it back? (He still does not seem to "get" that his affair was so damaging; in fact he still works with his AP in his office.) I think a good marriage counselor could have helped him realize this, but it really is too late now. I just want to hear what people think? When I picture this situation, I think of it as being slightly unhappy, but would it be more beneficial for them until they got older? I just think there are always some issues that are present in marriage, and other people accept them, so why didn't I? Feeling really guilty today for the choice I made to move away~
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
The ideas of "truly remorseful" and "doesn't realize how damaging" are a bit at odds with each other. I can understand what you're saying, but I'd struggle with that when deciding whether to get back with someone.

I've stayed in a situation for six sexless years over something like this. My kids weren't small, but I was afraid he wouldn't provide the college funds that were saved for them in an investment fund that was in his name so I waited it out.

We were best of friends otherwise.

So I can see circumstances where I'd return, although in most cases, I'd leave and never look back.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,204 Posts
Nope. I don't put my hand in the same fire, twice. A person gets only one chance at screwing me over. Kids want their dad (or mom) but kids want to watch cartoons all day and eat ice cream every meal. After age 13, they'll think you and Dad are both lame. After they hit 18, you'll be living the rest of your life with the guy...alone. There is no way on God's green earth I'd consent to marry a woman I didn't find sexually attractive. To be brutally honest about it, women are difficult enough to live with even when they are sexually attractive. Living with one I didn't find attractive would be like drinking lemonade with no sugar....just sour and bitter.
You get one chance to live on this earth. "Forever" is a very long time when you're hooked up with the wrong person. If it aint "right" on all fronts, keep shopping till you find something that is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,292 Posts
No, never would I stay or go back to a cheater. Touch wood it has never happened to me AFAIK.

As for children, it is important to me to set a good example and by allowing myself to be treated so poorly I would say that was a bad example.

Cheating is a complete deal breaker to me. I don't own anyone but I have to be true to myself. I make it very clear at the start of a relationship that it is a deal breaker.
I am open with porn, masturbation, strip clubs but not cheating either a EA or a PA.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,888 Posts
Nope. I don't give second chances. I wouldn't want my husband to give me a second chance either.

I'm very firm on this issue since I've had this happen with my first marriage. I left the day I had solid proof without thinking twice about going back.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top