Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My husband cheated on me on his bachelors party-orgy thrown by brother- We were married by the court for 3 month before we did the big wedding. My antlers have always been on and several times I discovered my suspicions were true. Not much repentance from him other that. "I know God has forgiven me". We moved to Asia, were he cheated again several times. His excuse I did not give him enough sex. It had never been enough for him. 1-2 a week. I stayed because of the kids he is a good provider and he is closed to the kids beside I was scared. Kids are out of college and I have lost my passion for him. He has hit me a few (4) times no blood or anything. I say this because when I ask him why he does it. He denies it and asks me "show me the broken bones where is the blood". I am to blame because I making angry and I make him do it. THE HAIR THAT BREAKS THE CAMELS BACk among others recently: We went to get a massage reflexology -usually i make sure he gets a guy- because he cheated before with female masseuse. Yesterday he said I am going to get a girl this time. I told him i don't feel comfortable with that. They gave him a girl he was right by me and I told him: You are going to get a guy right? No this is fine. Usually at the end of the massage they bring you to separate rooms fully clothed to get the back done and finish the massage. In the car I said: I did not want you to get a girl, it makes me uncomfortable, He said "I did not know it was a command" You don't respect my feeling! I said he said:well, you just going to have to grow up. I am an intelligent woman, courageous, prosperous but when it comes to may marriage I am null. My health is being affected and still wondering if our acts are good reason to divorce. 2 sides to the story. I cheated on him about 10 years ago on despise. He did not seem to care. Told me to go to counseling when i confessed. I travel by myself for my business, never calls to see if I am ok never jealous or ever questions my whereabouts. He is secretive and never talks about his female acquaintances at work.
He gets mad at me for bringing up this events, but they never seem to stop.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,529 Posts
Yes I'd leave him. Why are you with him? You don't need this.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,885 Posts
He sounds abusive. Yes, you should leave him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,642 Posts
If you knew everything that you know now, would you have married him?
 
  • Like
Reactions: caladan

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,056 Posts
At the very least, you need to force him to choose. Plan to leave him and call it a separation if you like. Make clear the elements in your marriage that are utterly unacceptable to you that you will not compromise on and let him realize that he has some choices to make. If he values you more than the adultery and secrets he keeps, then he'll make positive changes and try to win you back, which means he really loves you but just thought the cheating wasn't a big deal by the way you seemed to accept it so often. If the adultery/secrets are more important to him than you are, then you're much better off moving on without him and should just go forward with the D and get from him what you can financially.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
606 Posts
Yep I would out the door so fast that trail I left would be on fire. Abusive and a cheater you are not in live with him you love who he could be.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3Xnocharm

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
I am afraid how it would affect my kids. We never had big fights in front of them. However my daughter 27, says she has always felt the tension at home. She wants to hear nothing bad about her father or from his father about me. he is very adamant about this. rightfully so. I am afraid that I am too old. I am 56. And have develop some autoimmune problems from head to toe. Dr. agree emotional stress can eat away at your body. Although I kept a good figure all my life and people say I am beautiful and sexy, I continued learning new things, travel and have an Art career that could keep me busy for many years I feel very insecure that there wouldn't be a man that allows me to be independent, travel, come as I please and it is not possessive. I do not want to die alone.
I also feel tied to this house to big for one person. 100 year old oak tress 1.5 acre, 5K sq. ft. garage, guest house and my studio. I feel God had provided me with so much and now I am not happy. I am afraid God will punish me and I will loose our fortune since I have invested in R.E. since I was a Sophomore in College. I have so many excuses. I did not want to disappoint my father in-law but the father passed away. I always admire those before me who took the plunge and got a Divorce. How does one get the guts to do it?? obviously pain :confused::confused: going to do it for me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,416 Posts
Your kids are in their 20s and you're worried about how your marriage/divorce might affect them? Aren't they grown up enough to understand this?
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,529 Posts
I am afraid how it would affect my kids. We never had big fights in front of them. However my daughter 27, says she has always felt the tension at home. She wants to hear nothing bad about her father or from his father about me. he is very adamant about this. rightfully so. I am afraid that I am too old. I am 56. And have develop some autoimmune problems from head to toe. Dr. agree emotional stress can eat away at your body. Although I kept a good figure all my life and people say I am beautiful and sexy, I continued learning new things, travel and have an Art career that could keep me busy for many years I feel very insecure that there wouldn't be a man that allows me to be independent, travel, come as I please and it is not possessive. I do not want to die alone.

I also feel tied to this house to big for one person. 100 year old oak tress 1.5 acre, 5K sq. ft. garage, guest house and my studio. I feel God had provided me with so much and now I am not happy. I am afraid God will punish me and I will loose our fortune since I have invested in R.E. since I was a Sophomore in College. I have so many excuses. I did not want to disappoint my father in-law but the father passed away. I always admire those before me who took the plunge and got a Divorce. How does one get the guts to do it?? obviously pain :confused::confused: going to do it for me.
Aren’t you entitled to 50% of all marital assets? Does it really take a 5k sq ft garage to make you happy? Or would you be ok with one half that size. Perhaps it time to look very closely at what you willing to sell your happiness for.

You say that you are afraid to die alone. You will most likely die without a husband even if you stay married to your current husband. Generally men die before women. You will also have your children.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,881 Posts
Your kids are in their 20s and you're worried about how your marriage/divorce might affect them? Aren't they grown up enough to understand this?
I'd like to quickly get off topic for a second and address your post. My parents divorced after 40 years of marriage. My three siblings and I were all in our 30's and we did understand but it still hurt like hell.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
Yeah, My kids have been so good. They would not know what hit them. As I think we have been able to keep all the problems quiet. We lied to them indirectly. How would they trust their significant others. My mother got divorce and we were happy after many years of cheating and physical abuse and her illnesses. I seemed to be repeating her pattern.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
Yes, you should leave him. As soon as possible.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,195 Posts
Your kids are grown. If you are worried what they will think, tell them how their father treated you and all that he did. Women who have self respect don't stay in these kinds of marriages, sorry.
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top