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7 Posts
I need to learn how to love my wife again.
Following several years where my wife was out of state for long stretches of time, first to attend graduate school and then to help care for her terminally ill father, my wife was angry at me for what she called my lack of "support" for her, put on about 15# (at 5'0"), began drinking heavily, became angry and verbally abusive about once weekly, hit me about once a month, and on a couple of occasions threatened to kill me.
A year ago I'd had enough of this and moved out. This came as a complete surprise to her and she begged me to move back the following day. Since then she has been attending Mass regularly as well as OA and AA meetings. We have been seeing a couples counselor through her church. Although we have had disagreements over the ensuing year, there have been no more drunken tirades or physical abuse. She has not made any progress in returning to her baseline weight but her drinking has decreased 90%.
The problem is that after ~5 years of long periods of separation while she was in school and helping care for her father, followed by ~4 years of dealing with her drunken rages, I really don't still love her. Because we have been together for 15 years, we have shared a lot of good experiences and I care for her. However, because of her past behavior I have had one foot out of the door psychologically for many years, and though I have not been unfaithful I have often looked at female acquaintances as potential partners if I should "pull the trigger." Though she has controlled herself fairly well over the past year, I am often reminded of the hell she has put us through. Though she is interested in sex, I have no sexual interest in her, because of the past 9 years of baggage as well as her weight gain.
How can I fall back in love with my wife?
Following several years where my wife was out of state for long stretches of time, first to attend graduate school and then to help care for her terminally ill father, my wife was angry at me for what she called my lack of "support" for her, put on about 15# (at 5'0"), began drinking heavily, became angry and verbally abusive about once weekly, hit me about once a month, and on a couple of occasions threatened to kill me.
A year ago I'd had enough of this and moved out. This came as a complete surprise to her and she begged me to move back the following day. Since then she has been attending Mass regularly as well as OA and AA meetings. We have been seeing a couples counselor through her church. Although we have had disagreements over the ensuing year, there have been no more drunken tirades or physical abuse. She has not made any progress in returning to her baseline weight but her drinking has decreased 90%.
The problem is that after ~5 years of long periods of separation while she was in school and helping care for her father, followed by ~4 years of dealing with her drunken rages, I really don't still love her. Because we have been together for 15 years, we have shared a lot of good experiences and I care for her. However, because of her past behavior I have had one foot out of the door psychologically for many years, and though I have not been unfaithful I have often looked at female acquaintances as potential partners if I should "pull the trigger." Though she has controlled herself fairly well over the past year, I am often reminded of the hell she has put us through. Though she is interested in sex, I have no sexual interest in her, because of the past 9 years of baggage as well as her weight gain.
How can I fall back in love with my wife?