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I have an abusive husband whom I am separated from (for 3 months). Not only was he abusive over the years, but he objected to any time spent with my family or friends, whether it was in-person or on the phone. If I went anywhere, I was texted or called constantly with him wondering when I would be home. He would say our little boy needed me "right now." I always went back because he knew that would get me. My friends stopped inviting me places.
I was belittled and called names and couldn't do anything right in his eyes. He would hide my car keys, or disable the electric garage door opener so I couldn't leave the house.
Last summer, my husband said he wanted to experiment in the bedroom and begged me to allow either another woman or man into our bed. He said I wasn't enough for him and he began texting another woman. They had no sexual contact, I know of this, but it killed me. He also begged me for a sexfriend (any girl would do, he said) and said if I approved it, it would be okay. We were having sex 2-3 times a week at that time. He wanted more. Reluctantly, I participated in one of his fantasies, and I never recovered from it.
During this time he was also not working full-time by choice, with me paying all the bills (for appx. 8 years). My mother watches our son.
Our son (he is 3) saw all of the hitting, the name-calling, the control. I chose to leave my husband the day he threw me down the stairs in front of my son.
Since I have been gone, my husband has been put on anti-depressants and attended one therapy session. He claims that he is "cured" and will never hurt me again. I do not believe him. He said I never "allowed" him time to change. I told him about a year ago that things had to shape up or I was out. I suggested counseling and he refused. He also told me I was never allowed to talk to anyone about our issues or he would be done.
He has hit me twice and pushed me since I left when I went to pick up our son. He has also told me he will make my life a living hell if I don't come back. He has also been feeding our son a lot of BS "Mommy must not love you if she only wants to see you half the time" and things like that.
My question is this: How much time do you give people to change? And, is it wrong for me to want to be happy without all of this? I feel I can give our child a good home with just me. I really don't love my husband and just want to file for divorce, but I feel guilty - is this fair to my son? Or should I wait around and see if he can change? I don't miss him or the screaming and hitting.
I was belittled and called names and couldn't do anything right in his eyes. He would hide my car keys, or disable the electric garage door opener so I couldn't leave the house.
Last summer, my husband said he wanted to experiment in the bedroom and begged me to allow either another woman or man into our bed. He said I wasn't enough for him and he began texting another woman. They had no sexual contact, I know of this, but it killed me. He also begged me for a sexfriend (any girl would do, he said) and said if I approved it, it would be okay. We were having sex 2-3 times a week at that time. He wanted more. Reluctantly, I participated in one of his fantasies, and I never recovered from it.
During this time he was also not working full-time by choice, with me paying all the bills (for appx. 8 years). My mother watches our son.
Our son (he is 3) saw all of the hitting, the name-calling, the control. I chose to leave my husband the day he threw me down the stairs in front of my son.
Since I have been gone, my husband has been put on anti-depressants and attended one therapy session. He claims that he is "cured" and will never hurt me again. I do not believe him. He said I never "allowed" him time to change. I told him about a year ago that things had to shape up or I was out. I suggested counseling and he refused. He also told me I was never allowed to talk to anyone about our issues or he would be done.
He has hit me twice and pushed me since I left when I went to pick up our son. He has also told me he will make my life a living hell if I don't come back. He has also been feeding our son a lot of BS "Mommy must not love you if she only wants to see you half the time" and things like that.
My question is this: How much time do you give people to change? And, is it wrong for me to want to be happy without all of this? I feel I can give our child a good home with just me. I really don't love my husband and just want to file for divorce, but I feel guilty - is this fair to my son? Or should I wait around and see if he can change? I don't miss him or the screaming and hitting.