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Well done, that's all I have to say.

Curious how lax she is with her own private documents knowing she's lying to you however. She gave you access to her laptop all the while knowing her pics were like just hanging out. You're lucky she was incompetent with that. Others like her may not be. Continue to ensure full transparency in the future, and remember that it has helped you dodge a bullet this round.

3 months, that's it. Some people live lies for years, sometimes even with kids latter. You are very lucky! :)
 

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You should hang around this place some. I think you probably have a lot to offer... and maybe a lot to learn for your next relationship. You haven’t been around here long enough to read enough stories to understand how well you did. I get the feeling you may have a bit of a rough background.... gave you the edge on “handling sh!t”.
I agree with Mr. Married, @KillerHangover. Please stick around at TAM. There are many sub-forums that you will find of value and assistance as you move forward with your life.

And yes, counselling will help you.

You clearly care about your ex-fiance. I think it would be a kindness to suggest counselling for her. There are groups that offer help to sex workers who want to change their lifestyle. If you let me know the general area you live in I can research this for you if you wish.
 

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KH I am truly sorry that you’re discoveries lead you to these findings, and while you have every right to move on and start putting your life back together, and I am really glad that you will be getting therapy, I would suggest that you stick around here if only to use this place as a sounding board for your thoughts...there maybe some dark days ahead and just want you to know we are here to listen.
 

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Another good reason to disassociate yourself from her is that the clientele that escorts attract wouldn't be healthy for your family. imagine you had a wife who was constantly threatened for whatever reason.
 

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I'll just repeat....really, really glad you found this out now and not after you got married, or worse yet (gulp) had children.

This will eventually be a distant chapter, a story to tell at parties. You can trump most with yours.

Now the battle for you will be to separate yourself from this - I'd stop looking stuff up, stop wondering about things. Just know you were with a master liar, and be done with it. Talk to some friends.
 

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You did a Fantastic job handling this situation. I know it hurts, but you carried yourself very well. You should have your head up and shoulders back. Be proud of how you handled it!!!!

someday, when the pain has subsided, you will be thankful for having discovered those photos!

hang in there!
Lean on friends and family. They want to help.
 

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In Arizona, during the 1880s boom-town era, it was not uncommon for a man and wife to open a saloon together. The husband would run the bar while the wife serviced cowboys and miners upstairs. It happened a lot. Wyatt Earp was his common-law wife's pimp. Wyatt's oldest brother James ran a successful saloon and brothel in Tombstone and his wife was the madame who also entertained clients. It was a fairly common practice during the post-Civil War America, where social mores had lapsed in the face of massive reconstruction. Interesting how this behavior has come full circle in our society.
The key term is "common-law". No declaration of intent, no license, no nuthin' other than time. Same for James; he lived with her in her nicer room after he'd slept it off and all of the johns we're gone; but it wasn't a marriage.
 

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I know I said I was going after my last post, but I'm sitting here going over and over it all in my head and couldn't help but check back in here...

Anyway, thanks - I have been unable to sleep and my entire thought process since stumbling on the images on Saturday night has been a one track mind, unable to think about anything else. So I have had a fair bit of free time to look for clues to follow up and answers to support the now confirmed facts.

I have one of those personalities that allows me to keep the emotion at bay and focus on dealing with the immediate problem. But the flip side of that is, this same personality trait tends to push that emotion etc so far back, I know myself well enough to expect that the emotional fall out for me is still to come and when it does, it will be very significant. I don't think anyone would disagree that this kind of thing is likely to cause some real emotional scarring and damage if not dealt with properly and once I start to feel that creeping in, I may have to get some counselling to help.

So while it might appear to be a fairly quick and decisive result on this now, I am fully aware that this is likely to come back and haunt me in the not too distant future.

But importantly, I have now got the "known, knowns" (the facts) and I have made decisions on and dealt with the immediate problem of the relationship with her accordingly. I am confident these are the logical and rational decisions that will ensure the best outcome for me in this.

I'm still discovering stuff... I can't help but keep searching and reading through these escort forums etc. But I have set a limit for myself on that and will quit doing that after today, and wake up tomorrow hopefully having had a good solid sleep.

The fact is, the lying and deciet was a deal breaker for me. "standard" Cheating would have been a deal breaker very likely too. But a coordinated, executed and planned campaign of cheating involving creating adds, burner phones, specifically renting an apartment with the requirements of the spare room for escorting and the overall full time double life she has well and truely demonstrated she was capable of maintaining in such a compartmentalised manner is just a whole other level of bad.

Someone who can do that, to someone they love, but most importantly - to themselves - is an emotionally and/or mentally damaged person. All the best to them in life, but I aren't prepared to bring that kind of liability into my life. **** that.

Yes, you are handling this admirably and decisively but you will at some point have to deal with the emotional damage. For now surround yourself with your family and a few close friends who will be there for you. Start pumping at the gym or running or something to get the feel good endorphins flowing. When you are ready get yourself a counselor and set a cut off date for when you are not going to dig anymore, you already know enough. i know it is human nature but you have been traumatized and trying to seek answers in the material you are looking is not going to bring resolution. You need to remove yourself from it and her completely so you can begin to heal.
 

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The key term is "common-law". No declaration of intent, no license, no nuthin' other than time. Same for James; he lived with her in her nicer room after he'd slept it off and all of the johns we're gone; but it wasn't a marriage.
True, but in the puritanical environment of the Victorian age, you had to pose as husband and wife for the public to even talk to you. The west at that time was a den of hypocrisy. Be that as it may, I'm sure both Wyatt and James considered these women to be their wives, even though there was no legal union.
 

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KH I'm so sorry this happened to you man. You'll get through it and come out stronger and wiser on the other end, even if it doesn't feel that way.
When i read it i was thinking "Oh Dear Jesus" that woman is evil, coming to him after leaving john/s and allowing him to greet her like that. I would pull a Wrangler Man on her. Print off a bunch of leaflets of her from the website and spread them around the college campus to warn any other poor unsuspecting nice guy that may fall prey to her. Maybe she will gain some business in the dorms...i wonder how many professors she has done for better grades?
 

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When i read it i was thinking "Oh Dear Jesus" that woman is evil, coming to him after leaving john/s and allowing him to greet her like that. I would pull a Wrangler Man on her. Print off a bunch of leaflets of her from the website and spread them around the college campus to warn any other poor unsuspecting nice guy that may fall prey to her. Maybe she will gain some business in the dorms...i wonder how many professors she has done for better grades?
Arizona State University had a huge prostitution network of female students. About 20 to 30 college girls and probably twice that many more they couldn't catch. It got taken down by the AZDPS a few years back. Huge scandal.
 

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I'm SO sorry this has happened to you. I think what you have to remember is that there is nothing wrong with YOU there is something very wrong with HER. If she wants to sell herself that's fine but to present herself to you as a faithful woman is just not ever going to be okay. It's small comfort I'm sure to think that it's a good thing you found out before the marriage and children no matter how many times you hear it.

I think counseling might be very helpful. You've suffered a huge betrayal and those are not easy to move past. A counselor or therapist can help you navigate the tough emotional challenges you're about to face. I'm glad you have your Mom for support as well.

A lot of people here, myself included, have suffered through betrayal and been blindsided by it and recovered from it. You'll find some really good support here. hugs
 

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Ok... so I am not quite sure exactly why I am here. I mean, I know why I'm here, but I don't know the extent of it.

I have been searching the internet for hours now trying to make sense of this all and I have landed here...

This weekend, my cousin who I havent seen for years came to visit and stayed the night last night.

He and I are pretty carefree, party loving guys on the occasions these days that we get a chance to let our hair down and given its been a long overdue catch up, its fair to say that we smashed the drinks pretty hard. We do hold our booze pretty well though, neither of us are violent or in any way bad drunks - so what I am saying is, there is no real concern about our behaviour, even if we drink copious amounts.

3 months ago, my fiance and I moved in together. We had been in what I thought was an amazing, positive and balanced relationship for 2 years prior to her and I moving in together, but we did live about 80km apart. She attends university and I work full time.

The relationship has been excellent
.. well until now thats what I thought. I feel like its been mutually supportive, and I have never had any questions or issues with trusting her. It has never even entered my mind to suspect anything.

Anyway, last night, my cousin and I were suitably intoxicated, talking **** with eachother downstairs in the living room and my fiance was upstairs in bed asleep, as she had work (part time wait staff at a breakfast venue) this morning.

We were talking about some of the events I used to organise (which my fiance has assisted with over the years naturally) and I decide

"oh! I have to show you some pics of the events!"

Knowing that there was pics from the events on my fiances laptop, I promptly walk over to the kitchen bench where her laptop is and open it up, switch it on and log in. I havent really used her laptop before, but I knew the password from some other time I have needed to log in while my fiance was present for some innocuous reason. Again, I thought nothing of opening up her laptop to use it this time. I am sure she wouldn't have had any problem with it either had it just by chance not involved the following.

So i was looking for photos. The quickest way I know to find photos is to open a main folder (like downloads or c: or whatever) and search for *.jpg

This should bring up all .jpg images in the search location, which was the C drive (main hard drive) in this case.

So, images start appearing in the search results and suddenly I notice that some of the images are named "******1.jpg" (fiances name) and so on. There is about 30 or so of these images, sequentially numbered with my fiances name as the title, but they are unavailable to preview as they had been deleted and were sitting in the recycle bin.

Now, keep in mind that my cousin and I were the best part of a bottle of vodka in each by this stage.

I jump over to the recycle bin and I see the deleted image files sitting in there - and hit "restore"

I was obviously curious as to what the images named with her name might be, but I never in a million years would have imagined what I have found.

Up pops all these photos of her dressed in lingerie and other very skimpy outfits, posing in various positions (not nude, but they are definately highly sexually suggestive shots) inside and some even of her standing outside on a balcony. Immediately it is clear to me that the furniture she is posing with or next to in the indoor shots is furniture in her old apartment from before we moved in together. I also know that this furniture was purchased after we had already been together for a year and after she moved into that place.

The pics of her on the balcony are also taken at the same apartment.

What happened next is a bit of a blur. I don't remember my cousin saying anything, I think he was just stunned. But next thing I remember, I am upstairs, screaming at my fiance to get the ** out of bed and get the ** out.

I dont remember a whole lot of what happened at this point either. I was ****ing furious, ****ing mind blown and in absolute shock, as well as solidly approaching intoxication. It was not the ideal state to be in to deal with something like this.

There was a lot of yelling and a lot of crying on her behalf, which I dont remember much of. But the one thing I do remember might be absolutely critical to this.

She says that she owed some bad people some money and she had to do the photos to clear the debt or something. Her mum is a complete ** up and in and out of jail etc .. and whilst my fiance isn't anything like her mum and has her well and truly togetger, I could see it as a possibility that she has borrowed money to get her mum out of ** and has now fallen short of paying someone back. Neither of us are total angels, we're pretty street smart and savvy people, so its not completely outside of the normal for either of us to deal with some unsavoury types every now and then.

But what doesn't make sense is - I have seen a lot of porn in my time as a red blooded male. I have been around enough to know that the photos that I have found of her are no where near explicit enough to be of any real monetary value - certainly not enough to cover any kind of debt that she claims is the reason they were taken.

Critically, she also mentioned the name of a website that I know is involved in adult photography and in fact has a pretty well known name associated with it. I'm not sure what that has to do with it all right now.

I'm hungover as ****, I'm emotionally shattered, I'm completely lost and I feel like my world has just been turned upside down :(

My fiance has gone to work, my cousin has left and I'm sitting here trying to put the peices together by myself. I figured I might as well pour my thoughts out here to some people who might relate rather than just keeping going over and over this in my head.

She has either had some random guy round and he and her have taken photos during a romp, or this explanation she has given me has some kind of truth to it.

The guy taking photos thing doesn't gel, because you would think they would be more explicit and there would be nudes etc. But these appear set up and purposefully posed.

The explanation she has given me doesn't add up either, for similar reasons. Any debt significant enough to warrant cohersing someone into doing adult oriented photos would surely mean that said photos were far far more explicit.
Basically your lady posed for, at the MINIMUM, some mild PORN and sexually charged photos. Not with a female photographer but a male. A male got to be with her alone, her half naked, possibly seeing her nude in between wardrobe changes...for probably hours at a time.
LYING.
She did not tell you, she didn't ask how you feel and see if you are ok with your future wife posing half naked alone with some man.
You are going into a marriage with someone who lies and hides things from you? This is your RED FLAG, SEE THE LIGHT MOMENT.....do not enter, veer off, change course, do not head down this path moment. If she is hiding stuff like this then this marriage is ripe for disaster.
Now, since you already know she lied to you by omission and hid things from you and you know that there really isn't a market for clothed pictures you can rest assured there is a very good chance that a lot more happened. She may have had intercourse or she posed fully naked, graphic, spread eagle.

Any story she feeds you now you have huge reasons to assume she is holding back.

Anyway, at the minimum you know she posed almost nude with a man alone in her place and didn't run it by you or tell you at all.
I'd say flee from her. She sounds super sleazy and would be a horrible wife.


Edit:
Wow, that is one of the grossest stories I've heard. So sorry. That is so disgusting and vile. Dated you for 2 years, expects to marry you, all the while having sex with complete strangers for money behind your back and then being intimate with you.
Utter disgust.
 

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Basically your lady posed for, at the MINIMUM, some mild PORN and sexually charged photos. Not with a female photographer but a male. A male got to be with her alone, her half naked, possibly seeing her nude in between wardrobe changes...for probably hours at a time.
LYING.
She did not tell you, she didn't ask how you feel and see if you are ok with your future wife posing half naked alone with some man.
You are going into a marriage with someone who lies and hides things from you? This is your RED FLAG, SEE THE LIGHT MOMENT.....do not enter, veer off, change course, do not head down this path moment. If she is hiding stuff like this then this marriage is ripe for disaster.
Now, since you already know she lied to you by omission and hid things from you and you know that there really isn't a market for clothed pictures you can rest assured there is a very good chance that a lot more happened. She may have had intercourse or she posed fully naked, graphic, spread eagle.

Any story she feeds you now you have huge reasons to assume she is holding back.

Anyway, at the minimum you know she posed almost nude with a man alone in her place and didn't run it by you or tell you at all.

I'd say flee from her. She sounds super sleazy and would be a horrible wife.
You need to keep reading. It's much worse than that unfortunately. But you'll be happy to know he's already left her.
 

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Think it is time to post your own review on her page.

Really glad you found her out before you were married. Sorry for the pain you are going through. There are good women out there, don’t let this stop you from finding someone true.
 
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