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Discussion Starter #1
Ok... so I am not quite sure exactly why I am here. I mean, I know why I'm here, but I don't know the extent of it.

I have been searching the internet for hours now trying to make sense of this all and I have landed here...

This weekend, my cousin who I havent seen for years came to visit and stayed the night last night.

He and I are pretty carefree, party loving guys on the occasions these days that we get a chance to let our hair down and given its been a long overdue catch up, its fair to say that we smashed the drinks pretty hard. We do hold our booze pretty well though, neither of us are violent or in any way bad drunks - so what I am saying is, there is no real concern about our behaviour, even if we drink copious amounts.

3 months ago, my fiance and I moved in together. We had been in what I thought was an amazing, positive and balanced relationship for 2 years prior to her and I moving in together, but we did live about 80km apart. She attends university and I work full time.

The relationship has been excellent
.. well until now thats what I thought. I feel like its been mutually supportive, and I have never had any questions or issues with trusting her. It has never even entered my mind to suspect anything.

Anyway, last night, my cousin and I were suitably intoxicated, talking **** with eachother downstairs in the living room and my fiance was upstairs in bed asleep, as she had work (part time wait staff at a breakfast venue) this morning.

We were talking about some of the events I used to organise (which my fiance has assisted with over the years naturally) and I decide

"oh! I have to show you some pics of the events!"

Knowing that there was pics from the events on my fiances laptop, I promptly walk over to the kitchen bench where her laptop is and open it up, switch it on and log in. I havent really used her laptop before, but I knew the password from some other time I have needed to log in while my fiance was present for some innocuous reason. Again, I thought nothing of opening up her laptop to use it this time. I am sure she wouldn't have had any problem with it either had it just by chance not involved the following.

So i was looking for photos. The quickest way I know to find photos is to open a main folder (like downloads or c: or whatever) and search for *.jpg

This should bring up all .jpg images in the search location, which was the C drive (main hard drive) in this case.

So, images start appearing in the search results and suddenly I notice that some of the images are named "******1.jpg" (fiances name) and so on. There is about 30 or so of these images, sequentially numbered with my fiances name as the title, but they are unavailable to preview as they had been deleted and were sitting in the recycle bin.

Now, keep in mind that my cousin and I were the best part of a bottle of vodka in each by this stage.

I jump over to the recycle bin and I see the deleted image files sitting in there - and hit "restore"

I was obviously curious as to what the images named with her name might be, but I never in a million years would have imagined what I have found.

Up pops all these photos of her dressed in lingerie and other very skimpy outfits, posing in various positions (not nude, but they are definately highly sexually suggestive shots) inside and some even of her standing outside on a balcony. Immediately it is clear to me that the furniture she is posing with or next to in the indoor shots is furniture in her old apartment from before we moved in together. I also know that this furniture was purchased after we had already been together for a year and after she moved into that place.

The pics of her on the balcony are also taken at the same apartment.

What happened next is a bit of a blur. I don't remember my cousin saying anything, I think he was just stunned. But next thing I remember, I am upstairs, screaming at my fiance to get the **** out of bed and get the **** out.

I dont remember a whole lot of what happened at this point either. I was ****ing furious, ****ing mind blown and in absolute shock, as well as solidly approaching intoxication. It was not the ideal state to be in to deal with something like this.

There was a lot of yelling and a lot of crying on her behalf, which I dont remember much of. But the one thing I do remember might be absolutely critical to this.

She says that she owed some bad people some money and she had to do the photos to clear the debt or something. Her mum is a complete **** up and in and out of jail etc .. and whilst my fiance isn't anything like her mum and has her **** well and truly togetger, I could see it as a possibility that she has borrowed money to get her mum out of **** and has now fallen short of paying someone back. Neither of us are total angels, we're pretty street smart and savvy people, so its not completely outside of the normal for either of us to deal with some unsavoury types every now and then.

But what doesn't make sense is - I have seen a lot of porn in my time as a red blooded male. I have been around enough to know that the photos that I have found of her are no where near explicit enough to be of any real monetary value - certainly not enough to cover any kind of debt that she claims is the reason they were taken.

Critically, she also mentioned the name of a website that I know is involved in adult photography and in fact has a pretty well known name associated with it. I'm not sure what that has to do with it all right now.

I'm hungover as ****, I'm emotionally shattered, I'm completely lost and I feel like my world has just been turned upside down :(

My fiance has gone to work, my cousin has left and I'm sitting here trying to put the peices together by myself. I figured I might as well pour my thoughts out here to some people who might relate rather than just keeping going over and over this in my head.

She has either had some random guy round and he and her have taken photos during a romp, or this explanation she has given me has some kind of truth to it.

The guy taking photos thing doesn't gel, because you would think they would be more explicit and there would be nudes etc. But these appear set up and purposefully posed.

The explanation she has given me doesn't add up either, for similar reasons. Any debt significant enough to warrant cohersing someone into doing adult oriented photos would surely mean that said photos were far far more explicit.
 

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IDK, no nudes, no foul???

You should have checked the dates stored within the metadata of the photos.

If they were taken after you started dating, then she owes you the truth and nothing but the truth.

If they were taken before you started dating, then she owes you a brief explanation only.

The pictures were not of her nude, sure she was skimply dressed and was provocatively posed. So what! Ask her if you can have them for yourself. Ask her to pose nude for you.

I think you were a little over the top with how you initially reacted, however, that is because I do not know the full reasons behind why the photos exist.

You could have let your fiance sleep and brought the photos up in the morning. If you feel you weren't given a valid reason for their existance, or are not happy with explanation, then you could have broken off the engagement and thrown her out at that time.

Lingerie models make good money by the way! My wife sold lingerie at home parties many years ago, and she had photos on hand to display what the pieces she sold looked like on real women.

JMHO.
 

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Let clear heads prevail.
Drink a crap load of water, no more alcohol.
don’t delete the photos, don’t give her the computer back. You need to check the meta data regarding the dates, times etc.
Assume nothing, believe nothing, check everything she tells you. There is lot‘s more to this story.
One day at a time
Buffer
 

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I agree with all of the above.
You should have waited until sober minds prevailed.
You need to check the meta data as noted.
If it is before you, not really your circus.
If it is during your time, you may have a problem.
At this point, trust but verify. Understand though, if it smells bad, it usually is.
If you can't live with her rationale, break the engagement and move on.
The good news is that it is easier to break an engagement than divorce a wife.
 

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Sober up, do some investigation. Probably cheating, if it is don't get married. End of story.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Ok, so I've just had a look through the website that she mentioned during the blow up last night and a few pages in, it comes up with a page of escort profiles. There, smack bang in the middle of the page is a profile with a picture of her. It's one of the pictures that I found last night. The ad for her says "on holiday, back soon!" though? Its even got her name, just spelt differently. My head is tingling with adrenaline and I don't know what the **** to do now. She is on the afternoon shift at work now and I won't get hold of her even if I try to call now. I want to message her and ask her what the ****, but everything I have been reading here says I should say nothing until I have more answers. This can't be what it looks like :(

What do I do? I need to prep some questions for the moment she walks in the door. I am not going to be able to keep this quiet. No matter what we're going to end up talking about these pictures and there's no way I am going to be able to not raise this now.

What should I ask? I need ideas.
 

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Killer I don't think you need to ask her anything until you ask yourself some questions first. Like how do you feel that your Gf was an escort? That she was doing this line of work more than likely while dating you. How do you feel about her going back to that side job after she gets settled in with you in the new place and figures out how to get the time away to make a few extra pounds? Once you know how you feel and what is and isn't acceptable to you. Then you will know what to ask her. After that it becomes a simple pass/fail. I mean she wasn't going to tell you about this so she has shown you already who she is inside and it is conflicting with what you thought she was.
 

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OP:
I don't think you need to formulate questions.
If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, odds are its a duck.
You need to decide if it is a deal breaker.
In your discussion, gather any additional information and decide.
If so, act accordingly.
 

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She needed to pay for school (or help her mom). That’s a huge kick in the nuts I’m sure. She was to scared to tell you.... which is also lying of course.

Figure out what you want to do ...sit her down and have “that talk”.

For me it would be a deal breaker but I’m not you.

You could be setting yourself up for future problems if you take her back but your life choices indicate you would end up with another questionable girl. Pick your lessor evil.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
She will likely be home in a few hours ... its just past 3pm here and she usually finishes up on a Sunday at around 4:30 if its quiet. Still takes her 30mins to get home after work finishes though. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me just wants to bury my head in the sand, pack my stuff and be anywhere but here when she comes home. Part of me wants to hug her and hear that its not what it looks like. Part of me wants to loose my **** at her.

To the person who posted above about how do I feel about my fiance being an escort? How the **** do you think I feel?

I'm litterally trying to think up any possible way to otherwise explain this. This is the girl I have been in a relationship with for the last 2.5 years. The girl who has become part of my family, loved by my parents, and part of my whole life plan now.

I want to hear what she has to say to explain this profile.
 

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Don’t yell and scream at her for one.
I know you want to ... I would as well.
Your best chance for truthful communication is if she thinks she can trust you.

On the other hand she might just feed you a bunch of lies she has been fabricating all day.
 

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She attends university and I work full time.
Did she attend university where she lived before?

How did she support herself where she lived previously?

If she says she had a legit job you may want to confirm that with the business.

It's one of the pictures that I found last night. The ad for her says "on holiday, back soon!" though? Its even got her name, just spelt differently.
my fiance was upstairs in bed asleep, as she had work (part time wait staff at a breakfast venue) this morning.
The simplest explanation is that she supported herself in the other city by being an escort. If she was attending university in the other city this gave her more time to study.

When she moved to a new location with you she posted that she was on vacation at her old job and got a legit job where you live.

The good news is that she must love you. She gave up her lucrative job and now she’s working her a$$ at a breakfast venue just to be with you.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Set up a “date” with her from the ad using a different name. If she shows up, well there’s your proof.
The profile says "On holiday, back soon!" though... which makes sense now that I think about it. If she has moved down with me to where I live (80km away from where she was living) then she would likely have to stop because she is living with me full time?
The real kicker that has just fallen into place for me now is that she has been saying since she moved here that she was planning on going back to the city where she was living during the next uni holidays and planned on spending a lot of time "catching up with friends" etc. That would explain the reason for her "holiday" posted in the ad and how she might have been planning to be able to return to it :(
 

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Dude... your catching on and putting the puzzle together.
Hey look man .... it sucks... I get it.
When she gets home sit her down and apologize for the way things went down. Explain to her what you have figured out. Give her a chance to speak.

If she gives you the truth.... then you can decide what to do with her.

Otherwise just ditch her
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Did she attend university where she lived before?

Yes, she is doing a degree in Business Management.

How did she support herself where she lived previously?

She told me she was doing admin work for a small office/business. I honestly never even thought to question or check it. As far as I have been aware, she goes to Uni 3 or 4 days a week, she does some part time office admin work to pay some bills and spent most weekends with me.

"If she says she had a legit job you may want to confirm that with the business."

Should have, would have, could have ... if I had any idea then of what I do now. Its all a bit late at this point it seems :(


"The simplest explanation is that she supported herself in the other city by being an escort. If she was attending university in the other city this gave her more time to study."

I know. I can not think of any other rational way this can be explained! aarrghggh

"When she moved to a new location with you she posted that she was on vacation at her old job and got a legit job where you live."

Covered this in a post already. Yep, I think that is exactly what has happened.

"The good news is that she must love you. She gave up her lucrative job and now she’s working her a$$ at a breakfast venue just to be with you."

If you love someone, you don't let countless random strangers **** you for money all week behind that person's back. This is unforgivable. I'm just hoping there is some other explanation for this
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Signing off for now, she could be home any moment from now and I need some time to gather my thoughts and prepare for whatever happens. I'll come back to update you all with her response to this escort thing later tonight if I can
 

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You've got to sort this out, obviously.

One thing should be obvious; your relationship with her has not been honest. Since you say she is your fiancé, I presume there must be wedding plans. I would strongly recommend cancelling all such arrangements for now.

You can't get married to someone who you really don't know. You shouldn't enter into a relationship in which there has not been honesty.
 
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