Hello,
I have always wanted a big family. I guess 3 kids would be nice. My husband and I have been married for nearly two years now. We have not started trying yet and maybe we will this spring as we still have some goals we need to achieve. We both work full-time and getting pregnant especially for me is challenging. But I have this nagging anxiety that what if it’s kinda late. Should we have started trying right away? I’m 31. Just want to know if there are couples out there who want to wait a while before having kids but still anxious whether getting pregnant would be easy or not.
Fertility drops off faster than a lot of people realize and the earlier you start, the easier it can be to deal with underlying fertility issues. You may need help to get pregnant and that can take some time. The longer you wait, the higher the risk that you won't be able to have children and, as you approach 40, the risk of genetic disorders increases substantially.
According to
this page, the Pregnancy Loss Rate is 8% under 30, 12% between 30 and 34. 16% between 35 and 37, 22% between 38 and 39, and 33% between 40 and 41.
According to
this page, your Risk of Any Chromosomal Abnormality is 1 in 384 at 31. It was 1 in 526 when you were 21. When you are 35, it will be 1 in 192. At 39, it will be 1 in 83. Assume you'll want 2 years between children so work the math backward.
The bottom line is that the older you are, the more likely it is that something will go wrong. But it's not too late unless you have fertility problems that will prevent a pregnancy or make it impossible for you to carry one to term.
I'll tell you what a co-worker/friend who had children before I did told me -- "There is never a good time to have children." If you keep waiting for things to be right or perfect, it's not going to happen.
In many ways, my wife and I were lucky. We were not trying to avoid having children for most of our marriage (no birth control except as treatment for my wife's PCOS at one point) but my wife had fertility issues (also the PCOS). When we started approaching 40, we realized it was now or never so we went to a fertility clinic and my wife got pregnant with our first child when my wife was 37 (born when she was 38 and after we'd been married 15 years) and our second child when my wife was 39 (born when she was 40) but, really, that was too late and was very risky. We should have started fertility treatments earlier. We might have been able to have a third child if we did. We got lucky and had no miscarriages or genetic defects. My wife got pregnant the second time before she's started the fertility drugs, so we got lucky with that, too. I have friends that it didn't work out for and don't have biological children. I wouldn't count on doing what my wife and I did because there are a lot of people it doesn't end as well for.
If you are having actual trouble getting pregnant while not on birth control, talk to a fertility clinic. They'll be able to explain a lot to you and help diagnose you if you are having real problems.
