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Just in case.

I have a feeling that Manny1400 will come back to see what else has been said.

After the temper tantrum here and what he apparently said on the other thread, I think we might have more of an idea why his wife doesn't seem to care. She may be fed up with these antics and ready to leave. The behavior we are seeing here is certainly not confined to message boards, but is very likely happening at home as well.

I've been happily married for over 17 years, and I have 2 kids. I've never been unfaithful to my wife, and to my knowledge, she has been faithful to me (no reason to doubt)

But something has been bothering me for the last couple of years. As a guy in my late 40s, I've been undergoing a bit of a mid-life crisis. Not ready to settle down into "retirement-style" life, and I like to go out with friends and have a good time. I am 6'1 185lbs (same weight as when I was 18), relatively handsome (a solid 7 for sure), and I dress very well. I am also well-off financially. I get quite a bit of attention from women.

I have a 31 year old female friend I see at parties, meetups, dinners, etc. Sometimes at hiking trips. My wife knows this girl and likes her. The girl is attractive and has a very interesting personality. She is also very single.

I sometimes go to parties by myself and get a hotel room so I don't have to drive home--the girl is almost always at those parties. Most of the meetups don't involve my wife.

But my wife has never once raised an objection to this, or has even commented on it.

This girl frequently messages me during the day, posts things to my FB, etc. We joke around, share stories, etc. Nothing inappropriate, but still ... wife pays no attention.

A few weekends ago, I was at an event in the city with my wife, and we got a hotel room. This girl had a room in the same hotel, and we hung out with her and others. When we got back from the party, we ended up in her room and were talking about her love-life (or lack thereof). My wife went back to our room, but I stayed in the girl's room and talked with her for a couple more hours at least. Right when I realized that this didn't look good, I get a message from my wife asking me not to turn on the light when I get back to the room and wake her up. I was like "shi* I'm in trouble"

So I head back to the room, climb into bed, and tell her "I swear nothing happened", and she simply replied "I didn't think that, just didn't want to be woken up"

so here is the thing: she has shown absolutely ZERO jealousy or territorial behavior in regards to me and this girl (or anyone else). Hasn't gone through my phone, my PC, checked up on me, --nothing. Hasn't even said "hey, be careful not to get to close to that girl" or "are you sure that is a good idea"?

I would not have been cool with my wife hanging out in a hotel room with a drunk guy at 2am. That would have been a fight, and I expected one. I was shocked when it didn't happen.

I can't understand this at all. I read an article online that said "If your partner is never jealous, you should be worried" --and I'm getting a bit worried
 

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Just in case.

I have a feeling that Manny1400 will come back to see what else has been said.

After the temper tantrum here and what he apparently said on the other thread, I think we might have more of an idea why his wife doesn't seem to care. She may be fed up with these antics and ready to leave. The behavior we are seeing here is certainly not confined to message boards, but is very likely happening at home as well.
His post in Mens Clubhouse:

“I am putting this in the men's area, because I know what the women re going to say

My wife and I have been married 19 years, and for almost all of that time, she has stayed home with the kids and homeschooled. It has worked out great, and I'd like to continue with that. She is a terrific mother and wife

but ...

an issue came up about 16 years in regarding finances. We have joint checking and savings, and our own brokerage accounts/IRAs. I have paid the mortgage and all the bills for the whole marriage, and bought the house. When I came into some additional money via inheritance (about 1.3 million) I set up a trust, and named my wife and kids as beneficiaries. If I die tomorrow, my wife becomes trustee of the estate (in her own trust), gets the house, etc. I trust her 100% to make the correct decisions regarding the kids (send them to college, etc.), and I know she isn't going to go gamble the money away, or give it to some guy.

Now my wife is from a family who also has money, and stands to inherit a couple million at least. It will go to her trust when her elderly father dies, and she has no other family. I've never thought that much of it, but one day in the kitchen she remarks "I've decided that my money will go to the kids if something happens to me" --so she set up her trust so that if she died, the money would be held in it until the kids turn 25. I am not named at all in it.

At the time, I was like "OK, fine", but later thought to myself "she disinherited me? Does she not trust me"? I didn't argue with her about it, but I was pretty surprised at this behavior. I didn't think to leave her off my trust.

should I be?”

When a woman called him out for hanging with younger women in hotel rooms, drunk, until 2am this was his response:
“ this is specifically why I directed my question at men and not women

my wife trusts me completely. It is your own insecurities and issues with men that are coming out here”

I think many here have valid points. His behaviour does not bode well for the future of the marriage.
 

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To be honest Manny, you are a grown-ass man and your wife should not have to police you. You are crossing boundaries texting, flirting and hanging out with this girl. partying and staying in hotels are also crossing boundaries.
I am sure your wife knows who you are, this has not happened overnight, she knows your ways. She has probably been hurt by them in the past but decided even if you didn't have respect for her, she would respect herself not to get embroiled in setting boundaries with jealous arguments. If you do not know how to behave then it says more about you than her.
But let me tell you from a woman's perspective, we may let you go your merry way, but every incident when you put your parties, nights out, staying over, flirting, whatever, we keep a note, we never forget and after many years we do not care anymore. We might have sex with you, be cordial, we do it all for the kids. But when you took your wife's heart, threw it in your pocket with your car and hotel keys and showed through your actions that satisfying your own needs was way more important than her, it will come back to bite you in the ass.
I guarantee you she acts like she doesn't care, she does care about how you disrespect her. You may find out how much in the future too. She may have a fling of her own, dump you or whatever. Do not ever take someone for granted and that is exactly what you are doing.
Your wife sounds very grounded and grounded women do not take this kind of s*** in the long run.
 

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I disagree that jealousy isn't healthy. We can't pretend that we have no jealousy or even envy--these are universal, common human emotions.

Too much jealousy and possessiveness is bad for sure (and those are two different things), and such emotions should be held in check as much as possible, but if you have none at all? The author of the article says "My take on jealousy is plain and simple, it is there and it will always be, deal with it. Because darling the day that emotion has drained out from me know that you aren’t loved anymore. I am the quintessential (typical) girlfriend from some other planet who wants her man all by herself"

In other words, that woman is being dead honest and not parroting pop-psychology nonsense. We are human beings, and if we love someone, especially a spouse, we are going to be a bit territorial and a bit jealous at times. The only times I've experienced no jealousy at all is when I didn't care what the girl I was with did--I was already looking beyond her
Maybe your long-suffering wife has got tired of your antics, (I am positive this is not new for you, you have always done this, partying, staying out late, etc). You are like a teenager not a grown man with responsibilities. There is no point wasting energy on someone who never changes or grows up, it is wasted effort. Your wife probably has come to that conclusion. I would be interested in your story 5 years from now cause I suspect as the song goes 'a change is gonna come.'
How old are your kids?
 

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Yeah I see

I'm out: this place is completely juvenile and toxic. I came to have serious discussion, not get repeatedly shamed and insulted

good luck
Did you come on here for all of us to slap you on the back and say you are great? You are the grown man acting like a juvenile but sadly cannot see it.
 

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When a woman called him out for hanging with younger women in hotel rooms, drunk, until 2am this was his response:
“ this is specifically why I directed my question at men and not women

my wife trusts me completely. It is your own insecurities and issues with men that are coming out here”

I think many here have valid points. His behaviour does not bode well for the future of the marriage.
I think we all need to learn that when our partner checks out of the relationship, there will be very little that they care about. If anything, they may want you to do more of the same. Reminds them of why they checked out.
 
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