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She is extremely pragmatic and practical, and a bit shy in the presence of company. She is either stone-faced and in control, or in tears (pretty rare), and has an easy-going personality. My friends like her, and she does come out with me to some of these events and meetups. She is very intelligent and from a pretty wealthy family (which introduces some complications--I will put that in another post). She is also a few years older than me.

Unlike me, she isn't "moved" by things like art, literature and music.
I was about to ask you a few questions about this, but you've already answered it here... [I'm not going to bring up the boundary issue since others have already mentioned it and you've taken note.]

The dynamic you both share is a different one to most marriages I (and probably, the TAMmers) know of... in some ways, you have a wife that many men dream of - doesn't nag, is very chilled, is very intelligent, doesn't do drama, doesn't demand you curb your social life, doesn't interfere etc...

Then, there's a point when too much of something good starts getting worrying too.

Essentially, in your marriage, you're the fire, she's the ocean... so, while you do passion, she does pragmatism.

I can understand where you come from... and how it can be unsettling overtime if none of your actions ever evoke an impassioned reaction from a spouse... then again, she's always been this way. The bolded portions attest to her personality, and the fact that she's older might contribute to her matured outlook too.

Is she ever protective of her kids/siblings/you? Caring towards you? While you're sick/low, does she naturally show empathy and support? How is she as a mother? Those who have a very detached/cold outlook in life, are sometimes not the best at being intimate, but you say you both enjoy relatively-good intimacy too.

If she is otherwise protective/caring/affectionate but not possessive/jealous, then that is just who she is - a wise matured analytical woman. I'd advise you to embrace that by cherishing this rare personality of hers, and return the respect she shows you in kind by placing the boundaries that she does not demand of you. :)
 

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Aside from staying in a hotel room too long with a single girl--something that I apologized to my wife for, what "inappropriate behavior" are you talking about exactly?

It seems like the ladies here (and some of the men) are deliberately misreading me and jumping to conclusions. I have never touched this girl, nor even said anything inappropriate to her. I have been a gentleman, and have no intention of cheating.

Now it could be said that I have gotten too emotionally close to her, but that is based on the idea that I cannot be as close to a girl as one of my guy friends (I do have close friendships with guys as well). That might be true, given that I am married, and I understand that position.
Don’t take it personally. They do this with any guy that comes on here.

Take what you need and leave the rest. Just skip the posts that don’t fit your situation.

There are some great people on here so don’t give up.

Some of those throwing stones have been in situations that your story my have triggered them. They see red and all men are evil cheating dogs. They believe all men cheat and lie. Not much you can do about that.
 

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It may be, it is unlikely, oh' my, just maybe.

Your wife and this gal have a pact and a bet.

Will he fall or will he not?

Your wife says no, the gal says maybe.

The wife says to her, have at him.

And if he falls, if he fails, you can have him, cheater, peter and all.


The Typist I-
 

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Why are you engaging in behaviors that you believe should make your wife should jealous?

Rest assured, by the time she gets jealous, you will have crossed many lines of no return, and your marriage will be in deep trouble.

I'd advise that you stop it, right now, before you cause more damage to your marriage.

Your wife has already written you off (that's why she is not jealous.)
 

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Could your wife be use to affairs?

Maybe she is just blase because of the social interactions she grew up with and considers normal.

You have done some pretty crazy **** boundary wise and she hasn't batted an eye.
 

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It seems to me, it must be...

With billions and billions of ladies out there, 'some' simply will have no qualms about their man getting some on the side.

The reasons?

They love him to death.
They love what he brings not what he has brought, not what he is made of.
They are tired of making the bedroom effort.
They are the sharing type, having no jealousy.

Sex is sex, it is just going through the motions.
The other women gets to milk him, then he comes home to the milk maid.

She has a lover on the side, needs him to do the same to alleviate, any, her shame or guilt.

She is on the spectrum, she knows not, what real love is, she only knows what sex is, that getting off feeling.
She is so miserably depressed she thinks she deserves of this.
She is exhibiting a form of self-harm, self cutting, at her own expense, of course.

She may be this masochist.

Or, when her husband is with this woman, her hand works her lower half hard, and works her voyeur mind into a frenzy, the lady being a (banned word).

Never ask the Typist I to list forth some why's.
He never has a shortage of these/them.
 
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Discussion Starter #67
Don’t take it personally. They do this with any guy that comes on here.

Take what you need and leave the rest. Just skip the posts that don’t fit your situation.

There are some great people on here so don’t give up.

Some of those throwing stones have been in situations that your story my have triggered them. They see red and all men are evil cheating dogs. They believe all men cheat and lie. Not much you can do about that.
Yeah I see

I'm out: this place is completely juvenile and toxic. I came to have serious discussion, not get repeatedly shamed and insulted

good luck
 

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Like others have said, you're playing with fire with the young gal. You know you are.... but she makes you feel good. Her energy and youth are addictive.

Then you have the double-whammy of a wife basically giving you the vibes of, "Oh, you wanna hang out with the bimbo? Go ahead, casanova. Knock yourself out."

Good for her. Shows she has confidence in herself, and frankly, she's above playing your games. If you were to take another step over the line with the young gal, she would probably quietly serve you with divorce papers, take half of everything, and coldly leave you to your newly-found party life. Everyone would probably applaud her for it, too.
She is so "over it" that she has made sure that if she dies first her inheritance from her family goes to their children and not him. THAT is her answer to his inappropriate friendship with Miss Younger Woman and and his midlife crisis.
 

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Yeah I see

I'm out: this place is completely juvenile and toxic. I came to have serious discussion, not get repeatedly shamed and insulted

good luck
IMO, you came here expecting everyone to accuse your wife of cheating and not hold you accountable for your self admitted side of the street. To me, it was shown when Andy chastised YOU and you called him a White Knight. He called you and you alone out.

I've been happily married for over 17 years, and I have 2 kids. I've never been unfaithful to my wife, and to my knowledge, she has been faithful to me (no reason to doubt)

But something has been bothering me for the last couple of years. As a guy in my late 40s, I've been undergoing a bit of a mid-life crisis. Not ready to settle down into "retirement-style" life, and I like to go out with friends and have a good time. I am 6'1 185lbs (same weight as when I was 18), relatively handsome (a solid 7 for sure), and I dress very well. I am also well-off financially. I get quite a bit of attention from women.

I have a 31 year old female friend I see at parties, meetups, dinners, etc. Sometimes at hiking trips. My wife knows this girl and likes her. The girl is attractive and has a very interesting personality. She is also very single.

I sometimes go to parties by myself and get a hotel room so I don't have to drive home--the girl is almost always at those parties. Most of the meetups don't involve my wife.

But my wife has never once raised an objection to this, or has even commented on it.

This girl frequently messages me during the day, posts things to my FB, etc. We joke around, share stories, etc. Nothing inappropriate, but still ... wife pays no attention.

A few weekends ago, I was at an event in the city with my wife, and we got a hotel room. This girl had a room in the same hotel, and we hung out with her and others. When we got back from the party, we ended up in her room and were talking about her love-life (or lack thereof). My wife went back to our room, but I stayed in the girl's room and talked with her for a couple more hours at least. Right when I realized that this didn't look good, I get a message from my wife asking me not to turn on the light when I get back to the room and wake her up. I was like "shi* I'm in trouble"

So I head back to the room, climb into bed, and tell her "I swear nothing happened", and she simply replied "I didn't think that, just didn't want to be woken up"

so here is the thing: she has shown absolutely ZERO jealousy or territorial behavior in regards to me and this girl (or anyone else). Hasn't gone through my phone, my PC, checked up on me, --nothing. Hasn't even said "hey, be careful not to get to close to that girl" or "are you sure that is a good idea"?

I would not have been cool with my wife hanging out in a hotel room with a drunk guy at 2am. That would have been a fight, and I expected one. I was shocked when it didn't happen.

I can't understand this at all. I read an article online that said "If your partner is never jealous, you should be worried" --and I'm getting a bit worried
Dude admits to Going through some sort of mid life crisis, which includes hanging around with a young, single, VERY attractive, interesting woman, numerous times, without his wife, staying out until 2am, drunk, going to meet ups where this girl is at and then gets scared because his wife seems to not care.



You know what would be sadly funny? She may be on a website, similar to this one, where people have told her to detach. It would be utterly ironic if she was being told how to 180 the OP and investigate.
 

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My wife and I have pretty regular sex and are very affectionate with each other. Our marriage is strong.

So yes, I'm sure she is confident, but zero jealousy?

I have endeavored to be more conscious of the signals I am sending in regards to this women, and to be a lot more professional about the situation. I haven't cheated, and it kind of bothers m that the first responses in the forum here basically consist of people calling me a scumbag for chasing after another woman. That isn't the situation and it wasn't the purpose of my question
People get upset easily.

I saw two options:
- She is a decent woman who trusts you
- She cannot believe a woman would find you attractive

Of course, it could be both. But, from that post is seems to be the first one for certain.
 

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Yeah I see

I'm out: this place is completely juvenile and toxic. I came to have serious discussion, not get repeatedly shamed and insulted

good luck
Um, thanks?

Look, if I had a friend who did what you're doing to his wife, we'd have a hard discussion about the appropriateness of that behavior, as hard as it might be to discuss.

You're a stranger to me, so I have no investment in hiding the unvarnished truth. I can't tell you why your wife doesn't react more strongly to your shenanigans, but you are not on the morally high ground here. Huff, puff, and act indignant to your heart's content. Call us toxic, pout, and question our maturity all the livelong day.

But please, treat your mate with more respect, or in no short order we'll be reading your posts in the divorce or infidelity forums.
 

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He was seeking to rationalize inventing a problem in his relationship while crossing boundaries he himself thought inappropriate with another woman.

Either he was looking for his wife to police him into being faithful, or he wanted an excuse to not be.

When you don't play into people's rationalizations, they get angry. Because you're not giving them what they want: to hear that his wife is the problem and likely having an affair herself, or that she should be stopping him from having one, because he won't stop himself.

It's just what happens. Ever try to talk to someone about to have an affair? This is exactly what happens. They get answers they don't want to hear, and then you become the problem.
 

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He was seeking to rationalize inventing a problem in his relationship while crossing boundaries he himself thought inappropriate with another woman.

Either he was looking for his wife to police him into being faithful, or he wanted an excuse to not be.

When you don't play into people's rationalizations, they get angry. Because you're not giving them what they want: to hear that his wife is the problem and likely having an affair herself, or that she should be stopping him from having one, because he won't stop himself.

It's just what happens. Ever try to talk to someone about to have an affair? This is exactly what happens. They get answers they don't want to hear, and then you become the problem.
Yes, it does fit.

This woman makes him feel attractive. He would like his wife to see him and admire this by feeling jealous. But, she trusts him.
 

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Our relationship is very good for the most part. We rarely ever fight, and we don't have worries over money, and do go out to have fun together. I take her to operas, plays, etc. Date nights are important.

She is extremely pragmatic and practical, and a bit shy in the presence of company. She is either stone-faced and in control, or in tears (pretty rare), and has an easy-going personality. My friends like her, and she does come out with me to some of these events and meetups. She is very intelligent and from a pretty wealthy family (which introduces some complications--I will put that in another post). She is also a few years older than me.

Unlike me, she isn't "moved" by things like art, literature and music. Sure, she likes that stuff, but I can get lost in a book of poetry or a symphony, and will want to talk at length about it--she is like "oh that's nice". I know that sounds a bit harsh or critical, but not everyone is like me in regards to that stuff. I am very imaginative and a bit fiery: she is the exact opposite. I sometimes find myself wishing that she would let her hair down a bit, get a little more conviction about some things, etc.

Sex life is good, but not great. We had a rough patch with that a few years ago, but things have improved quite a bit.

One note on the hotel stuff: I have very bad night vision, so if I go out to a party or even into the city, I do not like to drive home, even if I haven't had a drop of alcohol. That is the primary reason for me to gt a room, but I haven't done it that many times.
Every person in a relationship is different. Every relationship is different. You have a lot of good things going on in your marriage, you both have fun, you both have intimacy, you love each other, you share and love your kids. I know sometimes we focus on the things that we think we are missing instead of focusing on the good things that we already have.

My husband and I are very different. In my relationship I'm the one who likes dancing, classical music, opera, theater, musicals, museums, etc. My husband is not interested. He's into rock or heavy metal music, he hates dancing, he gets bored during musicals or opera. There's no way I can join him at a heavy metal concert.

A few years ago I got sad thinking we don't share a lot of interests. I wanted to go out dancing with him. I wanted to go to museums with him. I wanted to enjoy a classical music concert with him. "I" wanted all those extra things.

I realized I was putting too much importance on a few personal interests that didn't contribute much to our relationship. We weren't available to go out every weekend. We had to run our kids to many extracurricular activities. Many weekends we spent at home because we were too tired to go out.

I realized I wasn't appreciating completely what we had. Many couples would give anything to have the kind of relationship we have.

We are very different in what we individually like to do outside the house, but we have the same goals as a family and as a couple.

It took me a moment to really appreciate our relationship. My husband is an amazing man, amazing father, amazing provider, an amazing lover. Who cares if we didn't share my taste in music or other social activities!

Learning about other couples problems also can give us a different perspective on our relationship problems. Is this a real problem you are having or is your bored mind playing games with you? (You can spend days reading this forum to understand what other couples go through.)

Just imagine for a moment you have the perfect social and adventurous partner. You enjoy many outings, museums, music, etc. And then you come home and your partner doesn't give you any affection, she's secretive, you have money problems, you guys can't talk about anything else other than the latest museum exhibition, your family life is a mess. Wouldn't you wish to trade places with someone like the real you? Who has a wonderful family life, a partner that cares but is not so much into museums or adventurous outings? What's really important to you?

People get comfortable and let go of the adventurous side too. It's never too late to find new things to do without getting too crazy. Trying new restaurants, breweries or wineries (if you drink.) You can join a painting, cooking, pottery class just for the fun of it! My husband and I joined a ballroom dancing class. It convinced me to never going out dancing with him again! Lol! Now I go dancing with my friends and that's ok with both of us.

There's always little things couples can do together without getting too wild. It takes little effort to find those things. You can start slow with a painting or cooking class and see where it goes.

I feel I wrote a lot, but my point is don't take for granted what you have. Appreciate the kind of marriage and wife you have. If there's no problems in your relationship, feel grateful and blessed that you are one of the few lucky ones that found the perfect partner to share a life with. Respect your partner and whenever you're about to do something, put yourself in her shoes and think how would you feel if your wife was the one doing whatever you are about to do.

Don't expect your wife to like everything you like. We are all different, not even identical twins like the same things. It's ok to go out and do things on your own.

I hope your midlife crisis passes quickly and you can get out of the fog making you feel insecure about your relationship.

Good luck!!
 

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It's ok folks. No need to continue. The OP left the forum.
He posted in men's clubhouse about his wife not including him in the inheritance, was checked by a few females and proceeded to digress into volatile comments like "its your problems with men that cause you to say things" and calling the forum a "viper pit of bitter, resentful women" and "toxic and juvenile"
Seriously wish his wife the best. He's gonna need it.
 

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Thanks Marduk, for quoting his posts in the other thread,

He deleted his OP, as well as other posts, in the other thread when he rage quit. I didn’t realize the comment was related to another thread.

Now, I get it.

This was his passive aggressive way of saying he was jealous of her inheritance. Seriously though, we have another thread where people are telling a man to keep his inheritance separate.

So, nope, it isn’t about men or women. it is about bad behavior and consequences.

Edit:

Good lord, the inheritance thread reads differently when you add the context of this one to his story.
 
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