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Retroactive jealousy is tied into OCD from some of the things I've read. And considering you seem to be obsessed about this, maybe you should see a professional?
We have an amazing sex life and she says its extremely fulfilling, but I get the feeling she really loved her sex life with him.
So what if she did? Is that against the rules? Isn't that normal when you're in love with someone to love your sex life with them as well? Or is she only allowed to 'love' her sex life with you?

I just want to say that it's really unfair that you act as though it would be the worst thing in the world if she actually DID love her sex life with the man she used to be in love with before she met you. It's that kind of twisted thinking that's going to do the damage. Maybe it hasn't yet, but it will.

I've dealt with a man who had retroactive jealousy and he made my freakin' life hell.
 

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Discussion Starter #22
Very insightful, very well said and correct. That was a very helpful post......wise and well said....
 

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@Billybob17,

Do you tend to obsess over other things?

One of the issues that I see in your posts is that you seem to have some low self-esteem. I wonder if this is why you are obsessing over the RJ. What you have done is to bring the ghost of the guy into your relationship and turned it into a contest between your imagination of him and yourself. There are now 3 people in your bed and you put the other guy there.

As you said, this is your problem, not hers. You cannot just ignore it with the hope that it will go away. Get some counseling to help you figure out why you are putting yourself through this. What purpose does it serve you? Yes, your RJ is serving something for you. For example, it could be that things are so good that you are basically very concerned that this cannot be real. Nothing fixes fear better than destroying the relationship via RJ so you assure yourself that is was, after all, too good to be true.

In addition to counseling, I have found that self-help books can really help. Here are links to the books on the topic of RJ that I found on Amazon.com. There are more books about getting over jealousy as well.

Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace

The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner's Past In 12 Steps

Retroactive Jealousy: Finally, I'm Out

Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide To Transforming Your Pain Into Power (Getting Over Partners Past, Getting Rid Of Jealousy And Overcoming Boyfriend/Girlfriend's Past Relationships)
 

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Discussion Starter #25
zero self esteem issues, never had that issue. Lots of confidence. Yes she does know and is very supportive but I don't bring it up and keep it to myself, its my issue not hers. Yes we do have a VERY solid relationship and bond, its amazing in fact, never knew it could be this good and its mutual. The comments on here have help significantly. Good info for sure. New territory, never had anything like this. its real and unless someone has experienced it, well.....so be tender, Im not weird, Im normal and this is real, but its better and I thank each of you for your wisdom and comments, they have honestly been very helpful. I feel I have a handle on this now and renewed energy to heal and move on!! Very appreciative!!
 
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