[behappy1]

My military husband and I have been married for about one year. We've been together for 2 before that. He has not been deployed since we've been together. He moved into my home with my 3 children (I've been divorced for 5 years from my 1st husband). The recurring issue I have is with his FB, emails, texts etc to other women. He claims he does not have a sexual relationship with them. They are either friends from the military, etc. I believe him because he is either always at home or at work. He is in fact very smothering to me, and is very jealous of people I talk to and has no bones about making it known that if I ever cheated on him the horrible things he would do to me to embarrass me in front of my friends and divorce me, etc.

But in the meantime, before we got married I caught him on Craigslist.com on a chat site, emailing pictures of himself to women. I was so upset because I trusted this man, brought him into MY home with my three children. He said he was truly sorry, cried, the whole bit, and I believed him. Things were better. Right after we got married, I saw an email to his ex fiance, telling her he drives by where she lives on the way to work and was wondering how she was and how her kids were. He never mentioned getting married again. I felt like an idiot for marrying him. When we fight I ask him to leave and he refuses to leave or give me my space or breathing room because he is afraid of me leaving him. Then why does he feel the need to do all this other crap!!! He texts me all day to the point I need to ignore him or shut my phone off because it's too distracting. I'm a writer and can't have distractions like that. When he's home he literally follows me room to room and I have no space or time for myself without yelling at him to leave me alone. Then he goes and sulks!

Recently I borrowed his cell phone to call a friend and saw an app for a chat line. The women were naked in their profile pics, and he chatted with three of them. This was about a month ago. I lost it. Again I asked him to leave. Told him I will never trust him and he has destroyed this marriage. I have had it. I'm worn out. He's now trying to make things work. We now go to church, we pray everyday, he does even more around the house (which was never an issue he always helps). He gave me all access to his emails and FB, passwords and all. But I just can't trust him, plus I have no time for myself to think about where my head is truly at. Everything is all about him and he never listens to how this is all affecting me. If I go out, I get texts, calls all the time. I have to beg for time alone. And when I do get time, he's off doing online crap. He is very insecure and this is wearing me out. He's like another child! I'm angy, tired and totally mistrustful. I love him and don't want another divorce, but this is ridiculous! On one hand he's always here helping out and the kids love him and other hand there's this other crap.....

 

[Anonymous_Female]

All I can say to all that is, three times constitutes a pattern. And until and unless he can get to the root of the problem--as in determine why it is that he continually does this, or why he needs that kind of attention/stimulation from women who are not his wife--then it will continue to be an issue.

 

[Eli-Zor]

Get out of the marriage, if he were sincere he would be doing everything to save the marriage, some people are just to selfish to change.
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[behappy1]

I fear that it will, that's why I posted. I guess I needed confirmation, because I don't talk to my friends or family about this. What's odd as well is that I'm pressured for sex constantly. He says our sex life is great and it to me 2-3 times a week is healthy. So it's not like he's not getting any physical/emotional attention from me. Yet the days or nights, I'm tired or not feeling well... there's this "under tone" from him like he's not getting any and he's deprived and he'll say things like "do you want me to leave you alone tonight"? Can't things be spontaneous? I've explained this to him at length -- go with the flow, spontaneity is fun... blah blah blah, but everything to him has a plan. Maybe it's the military in him. I thought the military was supposed to grow a person up? ha...not in this case.

 

[Eli-Zor]

As a gift buy him the book "his needs her needs" by Harley its a few dollars from Amazon, it clearly states what a wife and husbands needs are. I doubt he will change unless something drastic happens.
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[Anonymous_Female]

I don't think it's the military though, I think it's just that my husband is emotionally damaged.

 

[behappy1]

@ eli_zor - well the drastic thing for me that I've done is I've said "that was your final warning....happens again you're out. That was a little over a month ago and so far so good. But..... we'll see. I have access to all his stuff now, and he's really into church. God help him!!! lol

@ anonymous_female -- they do sound like from the same stock lol. God help both them then! lol

 

[behappy1]

And he understands that if it happens again he HAS to go -- if not unfortunately the police will be called.....

 

[Anonymous_Female]

And he understands that if it happens again he HAS to go -- if not unfortunately the police will be called.....

I know you guys have your faith to help, but is he in counseling, or are you at least in marital counseling?

 

[PBear]

Sorry, but all you know is the passwords to the accounts that you know of. It's pretty darn simple to set up new ones, set up a pre-paid cell phone, etc... I'm not saying that's what he's doing, but just warning you not to let your guard down. If he wants to continue, he will. And unless you both work out the issues that drove him to this in the first place, there's a possibility he'll want to at some point. Saying he's sorry and he won't do it again won't necessarily solve the problem.

C

 

[MarriedWifeInLove]

I wish I could help.

But unfortunately I know how you feel.

At least your husband came clean and is open with his e-mail, etc.

Mine still lies right to my face.

But I do know how you feel and I sympathize.