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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do not be afraid to stand firm with your WS. It is so easy to get caught up in saying anything to keep them around, to try and get back asap to how things were before. Be strong and do not succumb to yes this is all my fault...do not be so quick to forgive and forget.

All of a sudden I thought today about something I said in MC about how I was glad the H was giving me a second chance to stay in the marriage...it is like WTF..I forgot I had said that and then it just came to me out of the blue the memory of me saying that in MC. What was I thinking saying this? He is the one that should have been appreciative of me not kicking him out..he is the one that had an EA.

I realize that I was not the perfect wife however I never once cheated on him even during times of unhappiness...but for me to be grateful to him for not leaving me for his OW....it gives me the chills that I even said that out loud.

I guess what I am saying is stay firm and do not be so concerned with desperately trying to save the marriage. Do NOT give away your personal power.
 

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Think you lose all personal power the moment you stay commited in your marriage cause at that moment you choise your love for your partner above your own personal feelings
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I think too that in my case because now that we are a year from DD#2 shortly..that because now I am kind of out of my "BS fog" as well..that some of my resentment and anger that I still have toward H is also anger at myself for being so desperate to save the marriage. Now I look back and think HE is the one that should have been desperately trying to save the marriage..

I felt too that he had all the power and control back then..well is he going to stay with me or not...that is what I kept thinking back then. That it was all up to him....

I just wanted to write this as I see alot on here the same stuff that I did..the BS wanting to save the marriage so bad that they are willing to say or do whatever.
 

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Do not be afraid to stand firm with your WS. It is so easy to get caught up in saying anything to keep them around, to try and get back asap to how things were before. Be strong and do not succumb to yes this is all my fault...do not be so quick to forgive and forget.

All of a sudden I thought today about something I said in MC about how I was glad the H was giving me a second chance to stay in the marriage...it is like WTF..I forgot I had said that and then it just came to me out of the blue the memory of me saying that in MC. What was I thinking saying this? He is the one that should have been appreciative of me not kicking him out..he is the one that had an EA.

I realize that I was not the perfect wife however I never once cheated on him even during times of unhappiness...but for me to be grateful to him for not leaving me for his OW....it gives me the chills that I even said that out loud.

I guess what I am saying is stay firm and do not be so concerned with desperately trying to save the marriage. Do NOT give away your personal power.

I hear what you are saying, but I will admit it's tough not to want what I thought I had. I am going through a divorce at the moment - found out my wife had been cheating after only 8 months married (5 years together). My dday was just over two weeks ago and I know I'm definitely still in the fog. Still have a lot of feelings of deep love for her and for her 7 year old daughter. It's hard but the divorce is definitely happening now.

So many mixed feelings every day.

It's like once I committed my mind and heart to her for life, it's very very difficult to break away from that, even with all the betrayal and hurt she has caused me.

You are much stronger than I am and I hope I can gain the strength you have soon.
 

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I am also near a year from DD, although when is DD? the moment you know, or the moment that he admits and tells?
All talk about 180°, but I am not the person to do this. it is not me.

Think we are dong well in reconsiliation, but the pain still kees up coming up from time to time and still have not found protection against it
 

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I am also near a year from DD, although when is DD? the moment you know, or the moment that he admits and tells?
All talk about 180°, but I am not the person to do this. it is not me.

Think we are dong well in reconsiliation, but the pain still kees up coming up from time to time and still have not found protection against it
DD = discovery day, the day you know and your life gets turned upside down with that knowledge
 

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When I knew for sure, it felt empowered. Like I wasn't crazy! When my FWH saw this, it scared him. He knew I was serious and would serve him D papers if it didn't end immediately n
 
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