I have a big problem that hopefully I can get some help with.
I'm 30s and bf is late 20s.
We have been together for 3 years. I would like to get engaged and then get married. He doesn't seem to want to.
I brought up marriage with him the other day. After 3 years, I need to know where the relationship is going.
I tried to talk to him and he just got silent on me. It was terrible. He wouldn't give me any kind of answer other than he didn't want to right now. I asked if he ever saw us being married. Silence. I tried and tried to get him to say anything about it at all like reasons he wouldn't want to and reasons he does want to.
I finally was in tears and just got off the phone. I was upset all week and he didn't contact me for most of the week and when he did he acted like nothing was wrong.
I was seriously considering ending our relationship. I'm still thinking about it.
I went over to his place on Saturday. He failed to pick up on how upset I was and thought I was tired. He was trying to get all lovey on me but my body was just shut down.
Finally I said something and then once again he just went silent. I told him I felt we lived separate lives and I wanted our lives to come together. He said that we see each other every weekend. That is true but I don't want to be this guy's permanent date if you know what I mean.
I asked him how he truly felt about me and he wouldn't say a word. He then says you know how I feel. I said maybe I really don't know how you feel. I asked him if he loved me and he said he did and I asked him if I was an important part of his life and he said I was.
It was bad having to pry it out of him.
Finally things were a little better in my mind or maybe I should say I was a wuss and gave in as frankly the problem isn't resolved.
We had sex and then things were better the rest of the weekend. He really seemed to be trying. He made plans for us to spend the holidays together and did some other little nice things for me so those things were improvements.
One thing that really bothered me afterwards is we were talking and i don't remember about what but he said something about how he shuts me down or blanks me.
I always suspected he might be using his social anxiety to manipulate me with the silent treatment and then he slipped up and admitted blanking me. I didn't say anything to what he said.
I guess I am weak and he knows if he ignores me long enough I'll give in and things will go back to being his way.
So the question is, should I just take his silence as no he doesn't ever want to marry me and move on?
Anyone have any ideas of what I could say or do?
I'm 30s and bf is late 20s.
We have been together for 3 years. I would like to get engaged and then get married. He doesn't seem to want to.
I brought up marriage with him the other day. After 3 years, I need to know where the relationship is going.
I tried to talk to him and he just got silent on me. It was terrible. He wouldn't give me any kind of answer other than he didn't want to right now. I asked if he ever saw us being married. Silence. I tried and tried to get him to say anything about it at all like reasons he wouldn't want to and reasons he does want to.
I finally was in tears and just got off the phone. I was upset all week and he didn't contact me for most of the week and when he did he acted like nothing was wrong.
I was seriously considering ending our relationship. I'm still thinking about it.
I went over to his place on Saturday. He failed to pick up on how upset I was and thought I was tired. He was trying to get all lovey on me but my body was just shut down.
Finally I said something and then once again he just went silent. I told him I felt we lived separate lives and I wanted our lives to come together. He said that we see each other every weekend. That is true but I don't want to be this guy's permanent date if you know what I mean.
I asked him how he truly felt about me and he wouldn't say a word. He then says you know how I feel. I said maybe I really don't know how you feel. I asked him if he loved me and he said he did and I asked him if I was an important part of his life and he said I was.
It was bad having to pry it out of him.
Finally things were a little better in my mind or maybe I should say I was a wuss and gave in as frankly the problem isn't resolved.
We had sex and then things were better the rest of the weekend. He really seemed to be trying. He made plans for us to spend the holidays together and did some other little nice things for me so those things were improvements.
One thing that really bothered me afterwards is we were talking and i don't remember about what but he said something about how he shuts me down or blanks me.
I always suspected he might be using his social anxiety to manipulate me with the silent treatment and then he slipped up and admitted blanking me. I didn't say anything to what he said.
I guess I am weak and he knows if he ignores me long enough I'll give in and things will go back to being his way.
So the question is, should I just take his silence as no he doesn't ever want to marry me and move on?
Anyone have any ideas of what I could say or do?