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My wife and I are 100% perfect for each other, compatible in every way. I wish that most people had what my wife and I have. It is possible, but too often people gamble with marriage, thinking that it is a cure all. The number one question I have been asked throughout my marriage is, "How did you know that she was the one." Very very simple!

I believe that three crucial and vital variables need to be in place in order to have a successful marriage...in order to know for absolute certainty whether or not you have met Mr. Right or Mrs. Right. Those crucial and vital variables are body, soul, and spirit.

1) Body - You both have to be physically attracted to each other. There can't be any disagreement in this department! I don't care if you have been best friends with the opposite sex for a long time. If you are not attracted to him/her, you have no business of getting married. Because here is the thing, if you marry when you are not attracted to that person, somewhere down the line, someone else is going to catch your eye and lure you away...it is inevitable!

2) Soul - You know when you have met your "soul" mate when you simply enjoy each other's company and are on the same page acitivity wife. The soul aspect is that the two of you share much in common (not everything). You find yourself finishing each other's sentences and sharing the same wave length in reasoning and coming to conclusions. However, if you two are opposite, there is going to be trouble. I do not believe that opposites are good for each other. They say that opposites attract...yes that is true, but only on the physical aspect and not the soul aspect that is crucial in marriage. You might enjoy hiking and the outdoors and your spouse enjoys staying at home or going shopping all the time. You enjoy playing board games and sports and your wife only cares about crafts. You see, you guys are at odds. I am not saying that a marriage cannot work if there is no soul aspect to it, but why settle for less. There needs to be a soul connection, where the two of you can identify with each other and met and enjoy that aspect...what a great aspect to have in a marriage. My wife and I enjoy camping, playing games, just hanging out. We almost agree on everything.

3) Spirit - Absolutely crucial that you marry someone with the same values and spiritual beliefs as you. And to a finer point, it is wise to marry someone that shares the same practices as you do within your beliefs. For example, I am a Christian and my wife is a Christian. As Christians, we are both conservative and a little charismatic (meaning that we believe in the practicing of the gifts). However, I think it would be wrong if a conservative Christian and a charismatic got together in a marriage. They are just to far opposite. However, what I usually see with many friends and others out there among my Christian friends, is that they will marry those who are not Christian. Or when one religion marries a different religion...it just doesn't work that way. You both need to have the same beliefs! This will keep you thinking the same and not torn apart between two different churches or different belief systems when raising kids. In fact, if my facts are right, most belief systems teach that you marry within your tribe or clan. It is a very wise aspect to a marriage.

There you have it...body, soul, and spirit! If all these three are there, you don't have to wait for a grand revelation as to whether or not you should get married...set the date. BUT, you both have to see each other as fulfilling each of these aspects with one another. If one spouse sees all three aspects in place and the other spouse doesn't, you are going to face difficulty in the marriage. I am not saying that my marriage with my wife is free from arguments or difficulties. But we meet each other all the time on all the aspects and it is the greatest thing in the world.

Sometimes people marry for one out of the three and almost inevitably, there marriage is doomed to fail. Don't settle for anything less than body, soul, and spirit.

For those out there that have read this and who are Christians, I would invite you to listen or watch a recording of a pastor by the name of Jon Courson who goes into great detail about what I have talked about and is my most favorite pastor message of all time by anyone. You can listen or watch through the following link:

Pastor Jon Courson Bible Teachings - Play Teaching
 

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Forevermemorable: However, if you two are opposite, there is going to be trouble. I do not believe that opposites are good for each other. They say that opposites attract...yes that is true, but only on the physical aspect and not the soul aspect that is crucial in marriage. You might enjoy hiking and the outdoors and your spouse enjoys staying at home or going shopping all the time. You enjoy playing board games and sports and your wife only cares about crafts. You see, you guys are at odds. I am not saying that a marriage cannot work if there is no soul aspect to it, but why settle for less. There needs to be a soul connection, where the two of you can identify with each other and met and enjoy that aspect...what a great aspect to have in a marriage. My wife and I enjoy camping, playing games, just hanging out. We almost agree on everything.
Me & my husband ...we are like this also.. but in temperament... BOY are we ever different... me being a firey Choleric Extrovert and his being the calm laid back dry humored Phlegmatic Introvert (though we are both secondary Melancholy) ... I've read a # of books on this, this generally works WELL - because where one lacks / struggles in that area... the other has that strength...and vice versa.... so when we come together, it = a glorious whole....so long as we respect and love each other

Excellent book here >> Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs:

Having similar Love Languages in a similar order / goals / beliefs - morals / enjoyments in life....HUGE in over all compatibility. Just allows marriage to flow beautifully, takes the "work" out of it somehow.

You didn't mention Sex though... Hmmmm ...so very important... a man with a raging HIGH drive matched with a Low drive woman... doesn't always = bliss.

Sex/intimacy, how Conflict is handled (Communication) & the Financial....being on a similar page....experts say these are the BIG ones.
 

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Haha, I was just joking - you know how when kids compete, they sometimes say 'my dad could beat up your dad, my dad is way stronger, etc.' ?

But seriously it's great when people have happy marriages, though it's probably more of a happy accident that's getting rarer and rarer.
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs:

Sex/intimacy, how Conflict is handled (Communication) & the Financial....being on a similar page....experts say these are the BIG ones.
My wife and I have read through Love & Respect...an awesome book for anyone reading this thread. In fact, my wife will approach me and say, "My pink glasses sees it this way..." and I will say to her, "My blue glasses sees it this way..." I know it sounds cheesy (as mentioned in the book), but it helps my wife and I understand each other's perceptions. I love that book so much, I purchased a dozen of them to give out to my married friends and future friends I see who would benefit from it.

Our family is debt free and we are blessed thereof. In regards to our sex life, we have had issues (which has been a result of birth control and 3 kids), but we have learned to communicate greatly in this area over the years. Communication is the key! Key! Key! Key! Most of the threads I read on T.A.M. is all about a lack of communication with their spouses. A couple has got to keep communicating at all cost about everything and anything. Nothing should be avoided!
 

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My wife and I have read through Love & Respect...an awesome book for anyone reading this thread. In fact, my wife well approach me and say, "My pink glasses sees it this way..." and I will say to her, "My blue glasses sees it this way..." I know it sounds cheesy (as mentioned in the book), but it helps my wife and I understand each other's perceptions. I love that book so much, I purchased a dozen of them to give out to my married friends and future friends I see who would benefit from it.

Our family is debt free and we are blessed thereof. In regards to our sex life, we have had issues (which has been a result of birth control and 3 kids), but we have learned to communicate greatly in this area over the years. Communication is the key! Key! Key! Key! Most of the threads I read on T.A.M. is all about a lack of communication with their spouses. A couple has got to keep communicating at all cost about everything and anything. Nothing should be avoided!
I have never read "Love & Respect" ....one can tell with over 680
reviews -how utterly wonderful it must be and a help to marriages ...
-bought a dozen at a time..... Pretty cool :smthumbup:

Communication was our biggest blunder (but only in the bedroom)..... yep .. I hear you loud clear on that one... he was passive, I was repressed- due to too many religious teachings messing with my psyche (I realize you are a christian - but this was my experience, my regrets)....I went into marriage feeling many things were taboo and just DIRTY.... wasted years it could have been a whole lot more - to please my husband.

He mistakenly thought I was lower drive, I thought he wouldn't want woke up in the middle of the night - when I was feeling frisky.... we were both [email protected]#$%^& ...and missed each other greatly. I am so open about sex today, I can go overboard....passionatate about it ... we can all grow & learn... finally getting it right . :)
 

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My husband and I are absolutely perfect for each other. We have a beautiful marriage and we have the same interests and personalities. We are not opposite in any way. When we took the premarital test that was 5-6 pages long, both my husband and I answered every single question the same. The pastor was stunned and said in his 25 years of marrying people he's never seen this. He even asked jokingly if we cheated on our tests.lol. We were in separate rooms.

My husband and I are each others best friend. We both adore each other. Both of us work hard at pleasing one another and meeting each others needs. It's so nice even after 12 years to hold hands daily while we are sitting or laying next to each other.
 

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I can also echo many of the sentiments expressed by others. Ours is an amazing story considering we got married at 16 & 17 and did not know each other very well. However although our interests are compatable, our personalities are somewhat opposite. Our Myers Briggs scores are opposite except for one (introvert) and our love languages are also opposite. In spite of that, we are best friends and enjoy each other's company.

It has not been easy but we have learned and continue to grow in our relationship even after forty years.
 

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We have a phenomenal marriage - been together 19yrs /married 16+ and do not regret a moment of it. We have a ton of common interests but also have strengths & weaknesses; with those we're almost exact opposites. We look at it as a positive thing. It was God's design for our relationship to be balanced. In this way, He's provided all we need to make US work.

We've done the Love & Respect Book/workbook - would recommend this study to anyone looking for marriage enrichment.
I'd also suggest: For Men Only/For Women Only (we read these several years ago and just recently found links on the Family Life today website where the H/W authors do 5 small 20-25 min segments for each of the books. Hubs and I listened to those as our daily devotional last time he was home. We found those to be informative as well.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
When we took the premarital test that was 5-6 pages long, both my husband and I answered every single question the same.
My wife and I took a similar test, if not the same one, which I thought was a complete joke, but my wife and I scored high on almost every aspect and on the low scoring, we both scored the same really low, just because we answered the test as by faith. The test was not religious at all and was graded by a test bank. For example, one question was, "How do you feel about kids in the future?" I selected unsure, because my way of thinking was to go by faith and let God be in control. My wife selected the same way, but because we scored as unsure, it was red flag that we had issues that had not been discussed. Never the less, I thought the test was a joke and I was glad to know that my wife and I scored the same on everything as well.

We have been married since January 2001 and have 3 wonderful kids...they are joy and God is good.
 
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