I've been married for 6 years. I am 47 and my wife is 46. When my wife and I met, we were older (38). She had just graduated from college with a bachelor's degree in nursing and I had been a lawyer for 10 years. After failing in my own practice and I landed a job with an insurance company that paid well. That was 3 months before we met.
She got a job and began to work. I was impressed with her that she had the initiative to go back to school and get a career. I did well at the insurance company and got nice raises. We dated for 2 years before we got married. I was making decent money when we were married. Soon after we got married we decided we wanted a family. We were older so time was of the essence. We agreed that if she got pregnant and if we had a child, she could quit her job and I would support us both. Three months after we were married we decided to try invitro as we had not had luck getting pregnant (unprotected sex for over a year). She told me that she thought it would be better if she took a leave of absence from work during the invitro (said it would be less stressful for her and improve our chances of conception). I agreed. Invitro didn't work. She went back to work for a short period of time (3-4 months) and then quit. Before she quit we decided to build a new home and continue with fertility treatments (IUI). We never were able to conceive.
After we stopped trying fertility treatments she never returned to work. She said her job was overseeing the building of the house. I said, alot of people build homes and they both work. She refused. Luckily for me, my salary kept going up and I was able to pay for everything. We don't save anything, but I was able to pay.
After the house was built, and her "job" was done she still didn't return to work. In the meantime, she grew more and more controlling and would not allow me to see friends that I've had since I was a kid. She told me flat out that she was not going back to work. She didn't like her job she said. I told her it was not fair and that was not the deal we had. She said I made enough money to support us both and why should she work?
I told her that we are very lucky that I have a good paying job that allows me to pay our bills (including her expensive college loans for a degree that now she refuses to use). I didn't mention that I started a side business and work on that as well.
So, I built her a brand new house, she drives a new car, doesn't work, we have no kids, she controls the finances, has a housekeeper now she just hired and spends her week going to pilates classes and getting her nails and hair done every week. In the meantime, I am working my ass off in a stressful job that pays well. I tell her our marriage needs he to work so we can save for retirement as we don't save any money. She just refuses.
She is resentful that "I never gave her her family" according to her. She says that I should of spent all the savings I had saved before I met her ($200K) on invitro despite the fact that the doctor said we only had a 5% chance of success. I am resentful of the fact that I never agreed to marry somebody so I can be their lottery ticket. I came from a poor family where everyone worked. In fact all my lawyer friends, some of who do much better than me all have wives that work! They even have children! I don't know one childless married couple where both people don't work.
Due to her resentment, she is just mean now. She is controlling, everything is an argument, she won't sleep in the same bedroom as me for the last 2 months, we have no intimacy, no love, no affection. She will go days not talking to me over the most stupid of things and is downright nasty to me insulting my parents and the way they brought me up, etc.
The strange part is I still love my wife. I believe she is a good person deep down inside, but she has an unbelievable and unexplainable sense of entitlement. She refuses to go to marriage counseling and says all the problems in our marriage is mostly my fault.
I have left out many horrible things she has done and said to me as well. She can't take any criticism and just refuses to discuss anything in a civil manner with an eye towards resolution.
Should I just give up and get divorced? Am I foolish to stay in this marriage????
