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Discussion Starter #1
Take a good look at the posts in this forum......My w won't have sex with me......My h won"t have sex with me......

How can a man with a HD marry a woman with a LD, or vice versa?

In our time it is almost unheard of for a couple to marry without having had sex, and yet you see literally dozens of posts saying "I am an LD/HD married to an HD/LD, HELP"

What is happening here? Do these people marry hoping to change their mates, or is one mate deliberately putting on a "dog and pony show" in the sack before the marriage just to impress or trap the other party? (no not real dogs or ponies);)

If that is the case, it is almost CRIMINAL deception on the part of the offending party....

In fact if it could be proven it should be grounds for a divorce.....

What is your experience......DETAILS.....
 

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This is curious to me as well, I think that sexual compatibility should be as important to discussing before marriage as finances, how to raise your future children & wanting the same things out of life.
You can't expect to change someone, what you see is essentially what you get.
 

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I think in a lot of cases, it evolves over time. It's not a deliberate attempt to decieve. Kids have an impact, complacency in the relationship, financial stress, aging parents... And when the stressors don't get handled, sex drive takes a hit. Then resentments and frustrations kick in...

As far as expecting someone to change... I expect they'll change. Just figure it's a 50/50 chance at best it will be in my favor... :) It's just as likely (or more likely, it seems) to get worse!

C
 

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What I find odd is how my wife went from normal HD to excessive HD since marriage, even she doesn't know the answer and we're going to MC in regards to it. I've always been HD, but to her, it's LD
 

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My husband was a virgin. I was inexperienced. I had two partners before him, one time with each. And, with my lack of much experience, I was practically a virgin as well. Our problems didn't come about until the last few years, when he had a breakdown and is now medicated. Still trying to get that all sorted out. So, no, we didnmarrying, nor early on.'t have the problem before
 

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My wife was a virgin when we started dating. She was higher drive than me at the time and I was normal drive.

Now she's claiming she's always tired because of the kids...but that has been an excuse for 6 years now.

I think most marriages start out where each party is happy sexually or they wont say I do. But then the other party just starts to change for whatever reason instead of dealing with their issues or just divorcing. Thats where I'm at now. Limbo. Not happy but will never leave my daughters. So I vent frequently on TAM.
 

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I believe reasons for mismatched sexual drives are as varied as there are couples. If the problem isn't apparent at all before the wedding and appears on the honeymoon, it's pretty clear someone was deliberately played. If the problem shows up much later in the marriage, there was apparently no intent to deceive.
 

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We were young and didn't really understand sex to much. It was like yes had sex, dosent matter. But I was always high drive, as was he.

Resentments become the pink elephant in the room, sex usually takes a dive.
 

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I believe reasons for mismatched sexual drives are as varied as there are couples. If the problem isn't apparent at all before the wedding and appears on the honeymoon, it's pretty clear someone was deliberately played. If the problem shows up much later in the marriage, there was apparently no intent to deceive.
:iagree:

Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Well, I didn't hide my sexuality; I assaulted him full on with it, every chance I could get, and he moved in/married me anyway. He just can't keep up. He's never had a woman with a high drive. He always says "People don't HAVE sex like this all the time.". Well...I used to.

I've stopped giving him a choice, really...it's a small thing to ask for ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Why is your thread titled "women hide their sexuality"?

Are you implying that it is always the woman's fault?
Actually no, It's just a catchier heading, and I thought a lot of people would open it out of curiosity, and I knew a lot of people would respond.........

I think you will see in the body of the post, no gender was picked out as being to blame....
 

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Discussion Starter #15
It is starting to look like resentment is the 600 lb gorilla in the room when it comes to a sexless marriage, closely followed by stress and then mental/physical issues......

I know in our case it was a combination of outside stresses caused by the illness if her 2 sisters, and the medication she was taking for stress, depression, and pain....

Do any of you blame medication for a serious decline in your sex lives?

I know SSRI's, anti anxiety drugs, and opiates inhibit the ability to orgasm. I take pain medication as the result of the effects of aging and arthritis on a badly shattered leg, but I delay taking it until I am sure sex is off the table for that evening.
 

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My H takes SSRIs and I'm 100% positive that they affect his drive, which is not high to begin with. But there are other things, too, it's not only the medication.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
My H takes SSRIs and I'm 100% positive that they affect his drive, which is not high to begin with. But there are other things, too, it's not only the medication.
If the SSRI has a noticable affect on his libido, it might be the difference between a good sex life with a few issues, to a totally lousy one.....

has your husband tried welbutrin? It is similar to an SSRI but in about 20-30 percent of users it gives the libido a boost....

Not a doctor, I have just been down these paths before.......
 

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I think you might go into a marriage with matching drives then life kicks you in the face and suddenly one of you (or even both of you) ends up in LD territory.
With that said,there are a high number of people who are insatiable prior to the I Do's then it drops off once they're hitched and "safe".
 

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The truth is, he doesn't need the SSRI anymore...or any other antidepressant, as he is no longer suffering from depression. Things are balancing out, for the most part. I think! ;)
 
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