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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I came across a piece of paper that my fiance has and he has written down the days we have sex, where we did it, how many orgasms I have and what porn tapes we may have watched. He is a financial type of guy and keeps track of "everything" in this manner...but it appears it spills over into his personal life as well.

I did some searches online and there are applications out there where you can keep track of your sex life in a calendar form and even the positions that you use. Mainly, so that your sex life does not go in the dumps.

But, he is doing this covertly and never discussed it with me. I thought something may be up when he kept asking how many orgasms I had. Believe me, those numbers I told him are skewed.

I don't know if this paper is an ego gratification boost for him. I am suspecting that it is. That is shows he is able to have sex. He is middle aged. Should I just let it be and not say anything.

Would you like your sex life being documented without you knowing.

What would you do in this case?
 

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I think it's bizarre to not discuss it with your partner.Seems kinda stalkerish to me but then again,I'm not a man so maybe the fellas here can weigh in on this topic.
I'd probably have to take a time out before discussing it with my SO because I'd be so angry he was doing something so shady.
 

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It sounds like something a weirdo would do. But I don't see any reason to be bothered by it otherwise.
 

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One of the many issues my wife and I had was lack of sexual intimacy and the perception of the magnitude of the problem.

I asked my wife how long it had been since we had sex and she said it had been one week. It had actually been three weeks.

My therapist suggested that I keep track since she (the therapist) couldn't verify our sexual activity but if I kept a log it would help at least verify the magnitude of the problem.

Keeping track of positions? I don't know. It could be that while your frequency is OK, the quality/variability isn't. For example, you may feel that oral sex on him counts a "sex". He may feel that penis-in-vagina is the minimum requirement for "sex". tracking HOW you had sex could just be verification of how variable sex between you two are.

As a side note, once being able to show my wife that her perception of the frequency was wrong, I stopped tracking it. It doesn't matter whether we have sex once per week or five times per week... it is how I feel my sexual needs are being taken care of that is what I discuss with my wife.
 

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That is definitely odd, I would guess by your post that you guys are having some struggles in regards to your sex life? Is he often more interested in sex than you are, or reversed, you more interested then he?

Also, your communication seems to be problematic. He asks you how many orgasms you have, and you exaggerate it to him? You said "the numbers I told him are skewed"

If I'm right, you guys have some work to do together. If not, then yea..... He's creepy....
 

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My SO mentally keeps track of when we DON'T do it..... not when we DO do it. LOL I think your SO writing down all the where, what and how's is a bit, ummm, odd. Is he using the data to chart a graph? :p
 

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I have had similar issues in my marriage with sexual perception. My wife keeps sex at the very back of her mind, and it very rarely moves up to the front. Sex is on my mind at all times, I want it multiple times a day and not only do I want it, I want good sex and not "bend over and fall asleep while I rail you sex".

My wife is under the impression that we have sex all the time, when in reality it's once a week if that. My idea of sex all the time is like 5 times a day, lol. So I have actually done something similar and tracked it. This would allow me to see when she was initiating, if she had an orgasm, what position the orgasm occured in. It would help me make sex more fun for her, and put into perspective that my needs were not being met.

Do not get me wrong, I do not expect sex 5 times a day. I do not even expect it daily. But with my sex drive being able to do it multiple times a day and hers where she could go once a month and be ok, tracking it helped us meet in the middle and find a good sexual balance. Well I guess as good as it is going to get in this marriage for me.
 

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I think it's a little wierd, but what does it hurt for him to be anal about keeping track of that? It sounds like his professional record-keeping spills over into the bedroom a little, but what harm does it do? Maybe he's planning to write a book :D

I keep a mental record of when my wife and I last had sex, but I don't keep a journal. Different strokes ....:rolleyes:
 

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The only one who ever kept a written record of when we had sex was my wife, saying that she also recorded her temperature twice a day and would ring me with instructions to "get home to bed ASAP" this was whilst she was trying to get pregnant.
 

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I would be fascinated to be honest. Of course I would the approach my man and ask him why he was keeping track, if he felt insecure, if there was an issue, if he was trying to secretly improve things, if he were trying to boost his ego... And so on and so on... Thats just me though.
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He's a man, logical and goal oriented.

He's trying to track what turns you on (position, porn) thinking the the number of orgasms = the goal.

Sex is very important to you man... That's what you need to know.
 

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Well, there are two reasons which leap to mind regarding why a man would keep track of sex: because he wants to KNOW how often it is happening (mostly when a woman is denying him) or he thinks that his wife might be cheating (again...either lots of sex from guilt or lack of sex)

But some guys are anal retentive.

There was this nobleman some time in the 16th century or so. He lived on a scale. Every thing he ate or drank, he weighed. Every thing he excreted he weighed...and he kept journals of this information.

While it may seem a bit weird, it's his quirk. As far as not sharing it with you, why? If he's looking for information, he certainly DOESN'T want you to know (not impunging anything. Just stating a fact)

If he is using is as a syllybus to jazz us his sex life (Ha! Reason THREE mentioned by another poster first) he would probably be too embarrassed to mention it.

And of course, if he's anal like that, he would hide it simply to avoid the reaction that you are now having, thinking he's a weird stalkerish creep. He's wired to keep track of that stuff...and you are NOT understanding.

Well, you found out and his fears were justified.

How about having a conversation with him now instead of the internet?
 
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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Thanks everyone. I am with Hicks on this and feel it is a guy thing. I never deny him sex and he has told me that himself unlike his ex-wife. As far as the orgasm count I want him to feel good about himself. I will let it be considering this is how he approaches everything else in life. Just so he doesn't publish it as a book as Terry CO said...lol. Thanks, again.
 

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I don't think it's weird. My mother taught all of her 5 daughters to keep track of our periods and when we had sex. I have had a small notebook since that I've used since is was 13 when I started.

I've never told my husband that I do this as it's never come up.

It's a good thing to know, especially for a woman. But I can see why a man would want to keep track of when he had sex. AFter all one fo the first questions asked if she gets prego is when the last time you had sex and when the last period is.
 

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No not normally but he did when we had a houseful of babies and he was feeling neglected (although he just put a X on the calender when we had sex...of any kind). I'm sure I downplayed how long it had been between romps a few times so hubby kept a record. He's a facts man!

No need to nowadays... the kids are older and things are back to normal.

If he's keeping this detail it must be something that is important to him. Talk to him.
 

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I find it to be very odd and I would find it weird if my husband did this. I kept track of my period on the calendar, but that was for birth control reasons. I wouldn't keep track of when we had sex, as I don't see any reason for it.

My husband and I don't keep secrets, so I would be upset if he had hidden information.

If it bothers you, talk to him about it.
 
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