Talk About Marriage banner

21 - 40 of 54 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter #22
Michzz-i was asking for help Or constructive Positive criticism. Your response was just nasty. I responded in kind.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,379 Posts
Because you're making her feel extremely self-conscious and it's clearly more about your pleasure than hers at this point. She doesn't even masturbate, so she's unlikely to want an audience doing it. Just sayin. You're making her feel like a lab specimen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
889 Posts
Michzz-i was asking for help Or constructive Positive criticism. Your response was just nasty. I responded in kind.
ACtually Michzz was one of the only women to respond to your thread. Many women feel pressured or like a mans play toy if sex isn't approached in the right way.

I know that I can have an orgasm without the spasms. I know I don't masterbate. I would find it weird that my husband wanted me to masterbate. I love orgasms as much as the next girl but I don't find masterbating all that enjoyable. I want sex to be with my husband and physically find orgasm without penis kind of hollow. And I mean that in a physical way not spiritual. While a vibrator can jack me off pretty fast if it is applied hard and fast it isn't satisfying. Females have levels of orgasms from say 1 to 10. Many times a vibrator or oral done in a certain way just overstimulates my clit which is a form of orgasm but its a 3 at best. But with internal and external stimulation or certain areas stimulated then I can get an 8 to a 10.

I have nothing against toys and we use them regular together. I love that my husband is interested in my orgasming. But its for me not for him. Maybe if you are lucky @StarFires will stop by your thread.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter #25
I’m not saying she can’t use this toy by herself. That was always implied. I wanted to use it with her as well similar to a vibrator or dildo. Thanks for your input it was helpful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
698 Posts
Okay, first I think you over reacted to Miczz. Because based on what you initially wrote, I would have felt extremely uncomfortable on having such a big deal made about my orgasms. There may be more to the story, but it looks likes your shooting yourself in the foot, by turning this into a big deal with someone who is already reserved about it. As for types of orgasms...it’s definitely not an all or nothing. Sometimes, they are intense and sometimes they are mild. And there is even a kind of peak where it‘s not a full orgasm but you definitely are satisfied. I also caution men against obsessing about orgasms if it’s not a priority for the woman. I enjoy PIV sex a great deal. But I rarely orgasm from it and I don’t always have the desire to orgasm. Sometimes it just feels good to be that close to my man and have him in me. That feeling of contentment can be ruined if he gets obsessed about me orgasming. Other times, bring out the toys because I want to cum and cum hard. But I have definitely been made to feel uncomfortable by being with someone who is basing his rating on our experience by how hard I orgasm.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter #27
Thanks for your reply and info. You told me your thoughts in a respectful manner and I appreciate it. however, even if u disagree with something I did or said insulting me when I’m trying to learn and be a better husband is not productive ala miczz...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,801 Posts
Thought the womanizer would be good for foreplay before sex But she still says no. Help.
I haven't read this thread except the OP. My advise is that you first have to imagine a role reversal in order to better understand the problem. Imagine that it is you that does not masturbate and your wife gets all up in your business and orders you a Fleshlight Ultra Stroker. She arbitrarily uses it on you and you orgasm very intensely in from of her.

Did you know that in the BDSM community that there is such a thing as forced orgasms? It is something done to a sub so that they can not enjoy being aroused and it destroys all their desire. You might want to read up on this. You probably just did this to your wife without realizing it.

Cheers,
Badsanta
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,978 Posts
Hi-wanted to get an opinion on something from the ladies-I’ve been married 17 years with children and I love my wife very much. She had no/very little sexual experience before marrying me. I’ve been trying different sex toys with my wife So she could experience different sensations. I’m way more into it than her but there are a couple of toys she will let me use on her A bit more consistently. I bought a womanizer for her, a toy for her clitoris. I was hoping this toy would spark her interest in masturbation. My wife never masturbates. I thought it would increase her libido and make sex more frequent. She tried it and it makes her orgasm in a couple minutes. My wife has told me that she orgasms both clitorally and vaginally which I guess upon futther reading about the subject is rare. She has told me she orgasms sometimes when I give her oral or have intercourse together. I was intrigued that the womanizer makes her cum so quickly and easily. I asked her to participate in a session with her. She was reluctant but eventually agreed for me to use the womanizer on her. Wow! I never saw my wife’s vagina contract like it did with the womanizer. I told her how excited I was about it. She seemed upset by my comment. She has never let me use it again with her and I don’t think she uses it on herself Although given the opportunity I think she would. Kids are schooling at home so she is very busy. This is a big deal to me. She has told me she only wants to use it alone. Why am I being shut out of this? I have one theory. One is that she’s been faking orgasm and she did not want me to see her Body spasm like it did. I love giving her oral a lot and that should work Based on my past experience But maybe not. I’ve asked her if she has been faking and I told her if she was it was ok that I then wanted her to truly and honestly guide me to giving her an orgasm. I’ve asked her in the past to always be honest with me in the bedroom. It’s very important or people become bored because it’s not good for them. She accused me of not believing her all these years and was upset about it. She told me she could not explain why she didn’t spasm with me but assured me she did cum when she told me she did. My wife has never lied to me before in the bedroom and has told me when sex wasn’t good or didn’t finish for her. Can a woman have orgasms without vaginal spasms? Why is she holding me at arms length with this one toy? I just want to have fun with her and spice up our sex life. Thought the womanizer would be good for foreplay before sex But she still says no. Help.
If she truly does not want this, Respect her wishes. Simple. Don’t force her to do what she does not want to do. Otherwise you will likely see your sex life decline. It is not about you, it is about her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,979 Posts
I’m not saying she can’t use this toy by herself. That was always implied. I wanted to use it with her as well similar to a vibrator or dildo. Thanks for your input it was helpful.
It can be done, but it’s super tricky, and potentially super frustrating, to use that toy coupled with the guy holding it. YMMV.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
220 Posts
my wife has a Womanizer and it for sure gives her very good orgasms, but she does not use it much because it does not work well with partner sex. She also feels it only works if she holds it in a few specific way. I have used it on her (while I am holding it), but not as effective. The amount of pressure seems very specific. My wife also find that if i touch her while she uses it, it must be slow and not cause the toy to loose suction. It is more of a "use it by yourself" toy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,893 Posts
Who's experimented with different vegetables, anyone else had success too?

I have periods where I buy specific cucumbers or squashes, and play with DW, and they work great as a variation of play times.

Sometimes in the store I'm checking out the cukes and DW whispers or giggles in my ear.

Sometimes she makes a lewd comment semi out loud, just because.

Others?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
220 Posts
Who's experimented with different vegetables, anyone else had success too?

I have periods where I buy specific cucumbers or squashes, and play with DW, and they work great as a variation of play times.

Sometimes in the store I'm checking out the cukes and DW whispers or giggles in my ear.

Sometimes she makes a lewd comment semi out loud, just because.

Others?
I have tried, but never any luck convincing the wife to try it. It something to do with hygiene. We go both makes some jokes about it at the grocery store, but have yet to try it in the bedroom. I offered to provide the veggies a thorough wash first, but so far a no go. To be honest, I was a bit surprised that she was not interested. She has been open and suggestive of many other phallic things, but for some reason produce is off limits.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,893 Posts
Keep trying!

I always make a showing of washing, and microwave for warmness, each veggie play time.

When using, at least half the time I just take one out of where I pre-stashed it, and surprise use it, when she's not watching sometimes, if I'm eating at the Y.

Other times I set it out earlier by the bed, so she can think about why it's there, for a while. Sometimes half the day.

🙂 but one has to be knowledgeable of the days schedule, unless any family or friends coming over.

All good!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,801 Posts
@Ants if you want some advice on something that will help...

How about buying your wife a toy/novelty to use on you? Perhaps something simple like a blindfold and handcuffs. Many women complain that men use their hands too soon and too much in places that are sensitive. She may enjoy restraining your hands and preventing this and enjoy allowing her own desire to build. Then the blindfold could help relieve some of her inhibitions because she knows that you can not observe her and see what she is doing. This will allow her to focus on herself more while she plays with you.

Essentially you become her toy.

Badsanta
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,109 Posts
@Ants Yes, the toys can bring more intense and faster orgasm, especially when it's a new toy. Doesn't mean she was faking it before.

But you have sexually reserved wife, while you yourself are more adventerous. You have to thread carefully not to shut her off completely. This is what I recommend :

keep the toy handy by the bed. Next time you are having sex, and the focus is on her and she is getting close to climaxing, discreetly pull the toy and start using it on her. Most likely after few seconds of surprise, she will relax and just giving to it. And when she is done, put it away, do not mention it, just grin mysteriously. :) if she has trouble talking about it and doing it openly, but deep down enjoys it, this might be the way to do it. Sometimes don't ask, just do it works best. Of course, there is always a chance of getting you kicked out of bed, if I am wrong, lol.
 
  • Like
Reactions: gr8ful1
21 - 40 of 54 Posts
Top