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Hi-wanted to get an opinion on something from the ladies-I’ve been married 17 years with children and I love my wife very much. She had no/very little sexual experience before marrying me. I’ve been trying different sex toys with my wife So she could experience different sensations. I’m way more into it than her but there are a couple of toys she will let me use on her A bit more consistently. I bought a womanizer for her, a toy for her clitoris. I was hoping this toy would spark her interest in masturbation. My wife never masturbates. I thought it would increase her libido and make sex more frequent. She tried it and it makes her orgasm in a couple minutes. My wife has told me that she orgasms both clitorally and vaginally which I guess upon futther reading about the subject is rare. She has told me she orgasms sometimes when I give her oral or have intercourse together. I was intrigued that the womanizer makes her cum so quickly and easily. I asked her to participate in a session with her. She was reluctant but eventually agreed for me to use the womanizer on her. Wow! I never saw my wife’s vagina contract like it did with the womanizer. I told her how excited I was about it. She seemed upset by my comment. She has never let me use it again with her and I don’t think she uses it on herself Although given the opportunity I think she would. Kids are schooling at home so she is very busy. This is a big deal to me. She has told me she only wants to use it alone. Why am I being shut out of this? I have one theory. One is that she’s been faking orgasm and she did not want me to see her Body spasm like it did. I love giving her oral a lot and that should work Based on my past experience But maybe not. I’ve asked her if she has been faking and I told her if she was it was ok that I then wanted her to truly and honestly guide me to giving her an orgasm. I’ve asked her in the past to always be honest with me in the bedroom. It’s very important or people become bored because it’s not good for them. She accused me of not believing her all these years and was upset about it. She told me she could not explain why she didn’t spasm with me but assured me she did cum when she told me she did. My wife has never lied to me before in the bedroom and has told me when sex wasn’t good or didn’t finish for her. Can a woman have orgasms without vaginal spasms? Why is she holding me at arms length with this one toy? I just want to have fun with her and spice up our sex life. Thought the womanizer would be good for foreplay before sex But she still says no. Help.
 

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I bought my wife a toy and she uses it and likes it and it makes her cum. But she only uses it every so often and doesn't want to use it alone. Says cumming isn't all that important to her. Its married sex so I don't expect too much excitement. Very few married couples have an earth-shaking sex life. I am sure a few will come and rebut my claim and good for them but the fact is most do not. I say this so you don't expect too much from your wife.
 

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I have one theory. One is that she’s been faking orgasm and she did not want me to see her Body spasm like it did.
I think your theory is correct, and you have created a quandary for her. She only wants to use it alone because she doesn't want to make you feel inferior.

She told me she could not explain why she didn’t spasm with me
Her inexperience may mean that she's telling the truth in this statement.

We cannot compete with the amount of stimulation delivered by a mechanical device...... just physics....

Very few married couples have an earth-shaking sex life.

I won't be one of those who refute your statement, which is quite correct in my experience, too.
 

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The first few times my wife used that toy her orgasms were WAY stronger and longer, and it only took seconds to achieve. So has your wife been faking orgasms with you this whole time? It's possible, or it's also possible that her orgasms are just stronger with that particular toy.

As for why she doesn't want to use it with you, maybe she's embarrassed that she has such a strong reaction. Maybe she finds it awkward. Maybe it's harder for her to concentrate when you're there. Maybe she doesn't enjoy it enough because you're putting too much pressure on her. You may think you're not putting pressure on her, but that's irrelevant if she thinks otherwise.
 

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Sounds like you’ve opened Pandoras Box here, literally. I’ll refute that about married sex. 27 years and still good honestly but I also ain’t competing with any mechanical devices. Definitely peaks and valleys in marriage but usually the valleys are during sickness and other troubles. I think you better hide that thing for the next 30 years until your equipment quits working- then pull that baby out ;)
 

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Thanks for the replies. I didn’t think about the fact that she could have lesser orgasms with me vs womanizer. Can any women comment on my post please?
 

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I thought it was all or nothing with the female orgasm. Thoughts Ladies?
 

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Or if anyone has used the clit sucking toys that would be a great perspective for me!
 

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best thing in her case, tie her to the bed, legs spread, and see how many forced orgasm you can get her to have in an hour. After a while, she will not be able to fake anything, as the slightest touch will make her cum
 

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I thought it was all or nothing with the female orgasm. Thoughts Ladies?
Not a lady obviously, buy I have a lot of experience with many women and even more experience with my wife .

There are a lot of differences in intensity and length of female orgasms.

There is also no replacement for the real thing.

I don't like toys for myself because I love organic, real women.

Mrs. C doesn't want toys at all though I've asked a few times.

Regardless, I've given thousands of real orgasms to Mrs. C and to other women before meeting my wife. They can vary in intensity based on current mood, health, level of arousal, skill of lover, etc.

Mrs. C has had many strong orgasms, many earth shattering ones, a few little ones and occasionally can't get there.

I think you should be able to communicate with your wife about this and also about what makes her feel the best in bed with you.

There is a lot of room for improvement with sexual technique in all forms of sex and you can most certainly improve to increase the intensity and length of her orgasms.

I personally wouldn't let go of this but would be very assuring and loving towards her. She needs to feel safe with you.

The more secure a woman feels with her partner and the more loved, the more her confidence in the bedroom shows usually.
 

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For some of us, we feel like anything that would increase our wife's libido (or perhaps more correctly desire for orgasm) would be a positive thing, whether mechanical or otherwise. What we hope for, and perhaps that demonstrates the depths of our lack of understanding, is that once "free" to experience orgasms at will, that she will desire them from us (our male partner) as well.

Failing in this connection can lead to rather devastating consequences to the male ego though, as might be happening in this thread. You go from wishing she could have orgasms and enjoy sex to thinking that it's not sex she doesn't enjoy; it's you.
 

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Thanks for the replies. I didn’t think about the fact that she could have lesser orgasms with me vs womanizer. Can any women comment on my post please?
Well I'm female and I love, love , love sex so here's my take. Orgasms differ a LOT. Sometimes they're barely noticeable, you'd have to get your fingers in there to feel it. Sometimes they're very intense and I squirt and can't pretend it doesn't happen lol. Usually it's somewhere in between.

Or if anyone has used the clit sucking toys that would be a great perspective for me!
I have never used one but now I really want to. If you send me one I promise to give you an honest opinion ;)
 

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What if an orgasm isn't the holy grail for your wife? What if she actually enjoys taking more time with you making love?

Forget about tying her to the bed and forcing orgasms. That's abusive. She isn't a lab rat subject to experimentation.

Maybe you should make her orgasms less of a 'big deal' to you. You don't want to make sex become a chore for her.
 
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