Talk About Marriage banner

Withdrawal Method

4959 Views 62 Replies 23 Participants Last post by  Livvie
Opinions please! Husband and I been married over 20 years and together 3 years before marriage. I was on birth control pills for ten years before we met. A year into our marriage, we decided kids are ok so I came off the pill to give my body a break. We conceived quickly and had our first kid. We used condoms and withdrawal method after this birth. Husband was fine with it.

We discussed him having a vasectomy (I had a difficult labor so didn’t want to risk tubal ligation). He agreed to look into it. Then he chickened out.

The withdrawal method continued until we had the next kid (intentionally a year later). I almost bleed to death in labor for this kid. We then decided no more kids. Still, he refused a vasectomy.

So 15+ years have now passed. We have been doing withdrawal just fine. No issues. Five years ago, I began having yeast infections frequently. After dealing with this, I finally went to a specialist who cultured my vagina and saw a rare yeast that is not treated with normal yeast cream or diflucan pills. I went thru two years of hell battling this type of yeast. Multiple rounds of creams, suppositories, pills, everything to cure it. I finally went almost completely sugar free diet and it went away. I acquired vulvadynia as a result- hyper irritated tissues that are highly sensitive now.

Flash forward to a year ago. I go into early menopause. Hot flashes, night sweats galore. Also dry and atrophy of the vagina. My dr puts me on vaginal HRT. This took several iterations to get the formula right and not have constant irritation. Dr offers me oral or patch HRT- but I have relatives in my family who have had breast cancer. The vaginal cream miraculously cured the sweats and hot flashes. It helps my vagina about 75%. So I am trotting along trying my best to satisfy my husbands sexual needs (he has history of higher sex drive). We usually do it 3 times a week if the vagina is healthy- otherwise it can be 3-5 times a month if it is having a flare up.

So here is my issue- my lovely husband knows my vaginal issues. Suddenly he is making it his mission to ejaculate inside me. He talks about it a lot. One night I was out at the grocery store experiencing a flare up down there. I needed some emotional support from him. I call him up and spend 10 min or so describing the burning and itching. Side note- we had actually had sex a few days prior and I told him it was ok to ejaculate inside me. It was tingling afterwards, and it had been irritated since. I told him we need to back off doing that for a while. He wanted to know how long. I couldn’t give an answer- and he told me that cumming inside me was very important to him as he’s looked forward to it for years. I told him he wasn’t being very sympathetic to me. Sounds like he’s only concerned with ejaculating. This made him angry and he begins to yell at me.

So I ask him what if I can never let him cum in me again- is he going to leave me. No answer. I really got upset then. I am angry he seems only concerned with this and not me. Also- he didn’t answer me that of course he wouldn’t put that above me.

It isn’t fair that he went for years being a chicken regarding a vasectomy but now wants to pressure me to make this happen for him. I worry what he will do if he can’t get his way.
See less See more
61 - 63 of 63 Posts
First off, my question as far as her getting a tubal, is that it is her life if his BC fails. Especially since he refused the vasectomy. Not to mention, I still don't get what a rough labor has to do with whether she could get one or not.

Secondly, I already acknowledge his part of the problem because he refused the procedure. That doesn't lessen his loss. It excuses it less, but still, this was an unexpected development, so it was not unreasonable to expect to be able to engage in the activity at a later time.

Also she only had two kids. And given what she went through that was quite enough. Personally, if I was in her position I would have insisted on the tubal (again assuming that there wasn't a medical reason she didn't mention). And no I don't have to be a woman to make that kind of assessment. The mere fact that something could threaten my life that I could have taken care of is enough parallel.
Yeah, you aren't a woman.

If she had just gone through a rough birth and lost a lot of blood they aren’t going to do a tubal right then, duh. Plus, it doesn't sound like right at the moment of birth they had decided to stop having more kids.

You keep projecting what ifs about this guy wanting to have kids w another woman someday. For DECADES he refused a vasectomy.

Cry me a river, not. Even IF that was his reason for not getting a vasectomy, he cared more about maybe having kids with a maybe new wife in the future than having decades of unprotected sex with his wife. Now that she's having medical issues he should be able to continue with not going in her for her reason, NO COMPLAINTS.
  • Like
Reactions: 1
I don't think this is off-topic... virtually all of my wife's various "down there" infections went away when we switched to coconut oil for lube. No more UTIs. No more yeast infections. The difference has been amazing. Regarding condoms, I actually encouraged that for a while because she thought the messiness of sex was a big issue for her. But she say's they're "too scratchy." Turns out they're actually a trigger from stuff in her past, but who knows, OP's issues could have some other additional basis as well.

Regarding tubal ligation vs vasectomy, I think it also depends upon the state of the marriage. If things aren't wonderful, the guy may have second thoughts about something that could come back to bite him in a later marriage. This was a very distinct issue for me. The woman may be "done" with kids, now and forever. Regardless of her feelings for the future of the marriage. The guy could have other ideas. Or vice versa.
This made me think of another possibility. If he feared that because she didn't get the tubal, and then died from a subsequent accidental pregnancy, he might be wanting to be sure he could have children with a later wife.
Variation on a theme. Point is, we tend to think in terms of preventing pregnancy as an absolute only from the wife's perspective. Not being able to have a kid in a future relationship could be very heavy baggage for a guy.
Variation on a theme. Point is, we tend to think in terms of preventing pregnancy as an absolute only from the wife's perspective. Not being able to have a kid in a future relationship could be very heavy baggage for a guy.
IF that's really the reason he never got a vasectomy he should shut the **** up about not going in her now that she's having medical issues.

He got to preserve his ability to have kids w another woman his whole life. How very lovely that he he got to do that, and now he's giving her a hard time about not going in her, NOW. It was okay for decades!!!! while he wanted to be able to have kids w another woman but it's not okay now suddenly? He's a hypocrite and a grade A asshole.
61 - 63 of 63 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.