Talk About Marriage banner
21 - 40 of 63 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,566 Posts
There is a rare condition where a person is allergic to ejaculate. You've had a lot of other problems, so I doubt that's it, but if your current gyn isn't getting to the bottom of why it would hurt to be ejaculated into, then change doctors! Maybe you are still too thin and fragile in your tissue down there. I will say that the vaginal insert estradial works as well as anything and is supposed to be safe. Be sure your doc isn't just an ob, because they do not stay current on hormone therapy, according to my primary care doctor who cautioned me about using one for gyn. What I do is call the nurse and have them call back and ask if the doctor stays current on hormone therapy, attends conferences, online instruction, etc. Or you can google and insert "hormone therapy" into your search for a doctor because some specialize.

Meanwhile, if intercourse hurts, don't do it. If you are in menopause, can you even still get pregnant? If not, the vasectomy is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't stop him ejaculating.
in the beginning of menopause you are still ovulating just less often so yes you can still get pregnant

Also you don't have to be allergic to ejaculate for it to disturb the microbiome in your vagina and cause irritation or increased infections.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,558 Posts
There is a rare condition where a person is allergic to ejaculate. You've had a lot of other problems, so I doubt that's it, but if your current gyn isn't getting to the bottom of why it would hurt to be ejaculated into, then change doctors! Maybe you are still too thin and fragile in your tissue down there. I will say that the vaginal insert estradial works as well as anything and is supposed to be safe. Be sure your doc isn't just an ob, because they do not stay current on hormone therapy, according to my primary care doctor who cautioned me about using one for gyn. What I do is call the nurse and have them call back and ask if the doctor stays current on hormone therapy, attends conferences, online instruction, etc. Or you can google and insert "hormone therapy" into your search for a doctor because some specialize.

Meanwhile, if intercourse hurts, don't do it. If you are in menopause, can you even still get pregnant? If not, the vasectomy is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't stop him ejaculating.
Best ever. If OP is in menopause, can there even be a pregnancy, certainly not after.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,558 Posts
in the beginning of menopause you are still ovulating just less often so yes you can still get pregnant

Also you don't have to be allergic to ejaculate for it to disturb the microbiome in your vagina and cause irritation or increased infections.
Sorry for a bit of side track, but besides some typical issues down there and the eventually hysterectomy, I'm durn glad we, specifically DW didn't have these issues.

We only drew closer during the partial then full hysterectomy, that was a big deal of course.

I've never been to a gynecologist so much in my life than during those couple years! 🙂🙂🤣🤣
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,566 Posts
Sorry for a bit of side track, but besides some typical issues down there and the eventually hysterectomy, I'm durn glad we, specifically DW didn't have these issues.

We only drew closer during the partial then full hysterectomy, that was a big deal of course.

I've never been to a gynecologist so much in my life than during those couple years! 🙂🙂🤣🤣
And many women don't but that doesn't me the OP isn't experiencing issues. I think OP has a perfectly reasonable request to not ejaculate in her until the issues can be resolved. Her partner couldn't be bothered to answer that it was ok.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,313 Posts
Sorry for a bit of side track, but besides some typical issues down there and the eventually hysterectomy, I'm durn glad we, specifically DW didn't have these issues.

We only drew closer during the partial then full hysterectomy, that was a big deal of course.

I've never been to a gynecologist so much in my life than during those couple years! 🙂🙂🤣🤣
Some women are lucky and find menopause a trouble free relief. But I'm 69 and I can't tell you how many problems I've had that are too personal go into on this forum from old age. It's amazing how many things can go wrong, and believe me most men would be put off by them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,558 Posts
Some women are lucky and find menopause a trouble free relief. But I'm 69 and I can't tell you how many problems I've had that are too personal go into on this forum from old age. It's amazing how many things can go wrong, and believe me most men would be put off by them.
Women just impress me with the challenges and dealing with them, in that delicate area.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,558 Posts
And many women don't but that doesn't me the OP isn't experiencing issues. I think OP has a perfectly reasonable request to not ejaculate in her until the issues can be resolved. Her partner couldn't be bothered to answer that it was ok.
Hold your roll. I didn't say she didn't have a perfectly reasonable request.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,974 Posts
Meanwhile, if intercourse hurts, don't do it. If you are in menopause, can you even still get pregnant? If not, the vasectomy is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't stop him ejaculating.
oh yes!
Until you have waited X many months AFTER stopping having periods, you are still at risk for getting pregnant. i forget what X was, but it was a relatively large number
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,475 Posts
The issue now isn’t vasectomy. Her body cant tolerate anything entering her right now. Makes no difference if he is shooting blanks now.
Very well said. The real issue appears to be a much deeper problem with the marriage than a method of birth control or body modification.

The real issue is likely a power struggle between them. That struggle is visible over who will determine the frequency of sex, what sex is, and what method of birth control is to be used.

Yes, there are real medical reasons impacting the wife's vaginal health. However, there are also alternatives as to PIV sex that the two of them can work on. P.S. There are only a few guys who would not be thrilled to get a BJ instead of PIV. The OP's husband may be one of them, but even if he were, there is probably something the wife could offer that would thrill him, whether it is some long held secret fantasy, a role playing scenario, etc.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
63 Posts
Opinions please! Husband and I been married over 20 years and together 3 years before marriage. I was on birth control pills for ten years before we met. A year into our marriage, we decided kids are ok so I came off the pill to give my body a break. We conceived quickly and had our first kid. We used condoms and withdrawal method after this birth. Husband was fine with it.

We discussed him having a vasectomy (I had a difficult labor so didn’t want to risk tubal ligation). He agreed to look into it. Then he chickened out.

The withdrawal method continued until we had the next kid (intentionally a year later). I almost bleed to death in labor for this kid. We then decided no more kids. Still, he refused a vasectomy.

So 15+ years have now passed. We have been doing withdrawal just fine. No issues. Five years ago, I began having yeast infections frequently. After dealing with this, I finally went to a specialist who cultured my vagina and saw a rare yeast that is not treated with normal yeast cream or diflucan pills. I went thru two years of hell battling this type of yeast. Multiple rounds of creams, suppositories, pills, everything to cure it. I finally went almost completely sugar free diet and it went away. I acquired vulvadynia as a result- hyper irritated tissues that are highly sensitive now.

Flash forward to a year ago. I go into early menopause. Hot flashes, night sweats galore. Also dry and atrophy of the vagina. My dr puts me on vaginal HRT. This took several iterations to get the formula right and not have constant irritation. Dr offers me oral or patch HRT- but I have relatives in my family who have had breast cancer. The vaginal cream miraculously cured the sweats and hot flashes. It helps my vagina about 75%. So I am trotting along trying my best to satisfy my husbands sexual needs (he has history of higher sex drive). We usually do it 3 times a week if the vagina is healthy- otherwise it can be 3-5 times a month if it is having a flare up.

So here is my issue- my lovely husband knows my vaginal issues. Suddenly he is making it his mission to ejaculate inside me. He talks about it a lot. One night I was out at the grocery store experiencing a flare up down there. I needed some emotional support from him. I call him up and spend 10 min or so describing the burning and itching. Side note- we had actually had sex a few days prior and I told him it was ok to ejaculate inside me. It was tingling afterwards, and it had been irritated since. I told him we need to back off doing that for a while. He wanted to know how long. I couldn’t give an answer- and he told me that cumming inside me was very important to him as he’s looked forward to it for years. I told him he wasn’t being very sympathetic to me. Sounds like he’s only concerned with ejaculating. This made him angry and he begins to yell at me.

So I ask him what if I can never let him cum in me again- is he going to leave me. No answer. I really got upset then. I am angry he seems only concerned with this and not me. Also- he didn’t answer me that of course he wouldn’t put that above me.

It isn’t fair that he went for years being a chicken regarding a vasectomy but now wants to pressure me to make this happen for him. I worry what he will do if he can’t get his way.
Cumming inside your wife as a man is a very big build it’s a bonding experience. Not having that can hurt and man and really kill his ego. But if his cum is causing irritation my suggestion would be to sit him down and explain to him that as you are not having more children and his sperm effects your health. You can’t let him cum inside but that you would be very happy to let him after a snip. Could even offer to get a sexy nurses outfit to look after him after it’s done. Make a game as couple out of it. Him getting angry and being selfish about your health is not at all right. But it could just be he has a very hurt ego after years of pulling out. Having to pull out can make a man feel brutally rejected. So you both need to be very understanding with each other’s needs. Wishing you best of luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,372 Posts
Natural Family Planning is great and worked wonderfully in my marriage. My wife and I always knew the 48 hour period per month when my wife was ovulating. Of course this news is too late.

I’m staunchly against hormonal means of birth control (aka birth control pills). I’d never let my wife jack up her hormones for a month let alone a decade. That’s insane.

Same with the mutilation of men parts aka vasectomy. I thought the Hippocratic Oath said “do no harm” and this is clearly a mutilation of a working system.

The withdrawal method sounds truly awful. I’d be destroyed by that- and angry. Wish you two would have discovered NFP.

Maybe a compromise could be rigorous “eliminating process” and quick shower after sex? Surely this might help avoid irritation?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,566 Posts
Cumming inside your wife as a man is a very big build it’s a bonding experience. Not having that can hurt and man and really kill his ego. But if his cum is causing irritation my suggestion would be to sit him down and explain to him that as you are not having more children and his sperm effects your health. You can’t let him cum inside but that you would be very happy to let him after a snip. Could even offer to get a sexy nurses outfit to look after him after it’s done. Make a game as couple out of it. Him getting angry and being selfish about your health is not at all right. But it could just be he has a very hurt ego after years of pulling out. Having to pull out can make a man feel brutally rejected. So you both need to be very understanding with each other’s needs. Wishing you best of luck.
So his cumming inside her is more important than her actual health or comfort. I say that because she has explained it to him then he said it was important and when she asked if it was a deal breaker he had no response. So during a medical issue she was seeking comfort and got a hissy fit ending with no response.

Also please note that while no sperm comes out after a vasectomy there can still be fluid and we don't know what is irritating her right now. She's in the process of trying to figure it out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,137 Posts
Maybe I am missing something. But first, the OP stated the following
I acquired vulvadynia as a result- hyper irritated tissues that are highly sensitive now.
Then recently she experienced the following:
One night I was out at the grocery store experiencing a flare up down there. I needed some emotional support from him. I call him up and spend 10 min or so describing the burning and itching. Side note- we had actually had sex a few days prior and I told him it was ok to ejaculate inside me. It was tingling afterwards, and it had been irritated since. I told him we need to back off doing that for a while.
She isn't sure, but is concerned him ejaculating into her irritated her down there. She needed a break for awhile. And he is telling her that this is a huge deal for him, maybe a deal breaker. If he had gotten clipped years ago he could have been living the dream for years before OP started having problems. That ship has sailed. It doesn't matter if he gets clipped now because that wont change his semen much at all, at the pH of his semen is likely the problem and it is upsetting the pH balance in her vulva which is evidently fouled up already. OP's "husband" is acting like a big baby instead of a man.

Vasectomy is only relevant because when he could have had it done he wouldn't, and now that his wife is ill he wants what he didn't want badly enough to undergo a simple procedure.

Meanwhile OP is in the throws of menopause with all the turmoil that entails. So hubby better cool his jets if he doesn't want the love light totally turned off. It may get unplugged anyway, and put out with the trash, but he is definitely not acting in his own best interests IMO.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
I have no sympathy for SherryCherry's hubby.

At one point Julie began having difficulties with intercourse. I think we really ran into problems about menopause time, but she now tells me she's always had some issues. I now have worries and regrets that our frequent intercourse may have made things worse.

I did not like the idea of her taking hormone based birth control and we were lucky not to have a child until we wanted our daughter. We may have had sex too often for me to have a large enough number of sperm for any given shot to be effective. It was a difficult pregnancy with cesarean delivery and she had the doctor cut her tubes.

We at first tried condoms to see whether my ejaculate was causing the problem and discovered she's allergic to latex. Other condoms didn't help, either, nor the variety of lubes she tried.

In deference to Julie, I chose to forego intercourse. Almost 25 years now. My choice. I was angry that treatment for prostate cancer at age 74 might leave me impotent. My not having intercourse was my choice and I was angry that the cancer might take away that choice. Happily I'm as still rasty as ever and Julie and I have a new intimacy.

I have never been short of libido, never had a thought about performance issues so that did not make my decision any easier. With Julie's help I even continued to be sexually active while I was castrate as treatment for prostate cancer. Just saying I have every reason to continue to desire intercourse. And I most sincerely do.

It's all about caring for my loved one. Again, I have no sympathy for SherryCherry's hubby.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,727 Posts
That is true....But I see a lot of guys online who are terrified of a vasectomy. The wife begs for it and doesn't want to go through a much more complicated process of having tubes clamped.
I don’t want to do it. A guy I know was one of the people who ended up with infected nuts. There are also people who end up with chronic ball pain.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
One of Julie's friends had her hubby get a vasectomy and then went out and had tubal ligation, somehow without him knowing, so she could play around. She was a man hunter and not worried about whether they were married.

Then she left him after talking him into not being able to start a new family when she left.

As a side note, she had blue eyes that were to die for and a pretty nice bum. I used to ride my bike behind her and Julie with the supposed purpose of being a shield from errant drivers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,876 Posts
So your husband doesn’t consider you at all and how sex with him negatively affects your body.
So don’t have sex with him. At all. Until he agrees to wear a condom every time it gets a vasectomy - AND starts considering how YOU must feel!
He is seriously selfish. And that never makes for a good sex partner. If he won’t change you shouldn’t stay with him.
 
21 - 40 of 63 Posts
Top