[Livvie]

OP are you the person with another username here who already has a thread on this EXACT situation?

 

[Livvie]

not to seem crass, but there is a different entry for PIV sex...have you tried that? He might be happy with that, along with other things like BJs.

Since PIV means penis in vagina how is there a different entry????

This dude had decades to go bareback in her and chose not to, he didn't want a vasectomy. Decades.

Now she's having issues. He's a day late (okay, decades) and a dollar short.

 

[Livvie]

This part throws me a bit. What was the problem with the tubal ligation? As a general rule, a difficult labor should not have made an issue with the proceedure. Is there something else that was going on medically that made tubal ligation a problem? Especially with this:



Most doctors I know would have been pushing you to get your tubes tied for your life's sake. Especially since condoms and withdrawal are the two methods with the highest rate of failure, although still pretty low on the condoms in general.



I can see his side to a point. Coming inside your mate is a closeness thing. And he has had to deny that to himself for years, hoping and waiting for the time that he didn't have to worry about getting your pregnant anymore. And now this happens. Granted that he might have had more years of being able to do so if he just got his operation. Yes he does need to remember that this isn't you per se, but something beyond your control. Just try to remember that he is now feeling betrayed, not by you, but nature. So while he needs to be sympathetic to your issues, likewise you should be sympathetic to his.

OMG the only reason he was"denied" that for years, decades, is because he refused to get a vasectomy!!!

She had multiple kids, he couldn't go through a simple medical procedure?

It's much easier than a tubal for her. It was definitely his turn to take one for the team, so to speak.

 

[Livvie]

I don't think this is off-topic... virtually all of my wife's various "down there" infections went away when we switched to coconut oil for lube. No more UTIs. No more yeast infections. The difference has been amazing. Regarding condoms, I actually encouraged that for a while because she thought the messiness of sex was a big issue for her. But she say's they're "too scratchy." Turns out they're actually a trigger from stuff in her past, but who knows, OP's issues could have some other additional basis as well.

Regarding tubal ligation vs vasectomy, I think it also depends upon the state of the marriage. If things aren't wonderful, the guy may have second thoughts about something that could come back to bite him in a later marriage. This was a very distinct issue for me. The woman may be "done" with kids, now and forever. Regardless of her feelings for the future of the marriage. The guy could have other ideas. Or vice versa.

Well if he didn't get a vasectomy because he was thinking he might want children with another woman someday, thus choosing to keep that possibility open for a couple of decades and sacrificing "going in her" to do so during those decades, he's even a BIGGER **** NOW to complain that she's having medical issues and he can't go in her in this menopausal time. What an asshole.

I mean... it feels relationship ending (from her perspective), to me.

 

[Livvie]

First off, my question as far as her getting a tubal, is that it is her life if his BC fails. Especially since he refused the vasectomy. Not to mention, I still don't get what a rough labor has to do with whether she could get one or not.

Secondly, I already acknowledge his part of the problem because he refused the procedure. That doesn't lessen his loss. It excuses it less, but still, this was an unexpected development, so it was not unreasonable to expect to be able to engage in the activity at a later time.

Also she only had two kids. And given what she went through that was quite enough. Personally, if I was in her position I would have insisted on the tubal (again assuming that there wasn't a medical reason she didn't mention). And no I don't have to be a woman to make that kind of assessment. The mere fact that something could threaten my life that I could have taken care of is enough parallel.

Yeah, you aren't a woman.

If she had just gone through a rough birth and lost a lot of blood they aren’t going to do a tubal right then, duh. Plus, it doesn't sound like right at the moment of birth they had decided to stop having more kids.

You keep projecting what ifs about this guy wanting to have kids w another woman someday. For DECADES he refused a vasectomy.

Cry me a river, not. Even IF that was his reason for not getting a vasectomy, he cared more about maybe having kids with a maybe new wife in the future than having decades of unprotected sex with his wife. Now that she's having medical issues he should be able to continue with not going in her for her reason, NO COMPLAINTS.

 

[Livvie]

Variation on a theme. Point is, we tend to think in terms of preventing pregnancy as an absolute only from the wife's perspective. Not being able to have a kid in a future relationship could be very heavy baggage for a guy.

IF that's really the reason he never got a vasectomy he should shut the **** up about not going in her now that she's having medical issues.

He got to preserve his ability to have kids w another woman his whole life. How very lovely that he he got to do that, and now he's giving her a hard time about not going in her, NOW. It was okay for decades!!!! while he wanted to be able to have kids w another woman but it's not okay now suddenly? He's a hypocrite and a grade A asshole.