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Opinions please! Husband and I been married over 20 years and together 3 years before marriage. I was on birth control pills for ten years before we met. A year into our marriage, we decided kids are ok so I came off the pill to give my body a break. We conceived quickly and had our first kid. We used condoms and withdrawal method after this birth. Husband was fine with it.

We discussed him having a vasectomy (I had a difficult labor so didn’t want to risk tubal ligation). He agreed to look into it. Then he chickened out.

The withdrawal method continued until we had the next kid (intentionally a year later). I almost bleed to death in labor for this kid. We then decided no more kids. Still, he refused a vasectomy.

So 15+ years have now passed. We have been doing withdrawal just fine. No issues. Five years ago, I began having yeast infections frequently. After dealing with this, I finally went to a specialist who cultured my vagina and saw a rare yeast that is not treated with normal yeast cream or diflucan pills. I went thru two years of hell battling this type of yeast. Multiple rounds of creams, suppositories, pills, everything to cure it. I finally went almost completely sugar free diet and it went away. I acquired vulvadynia as a result- hyper irritated tissues that are highly sensitive now.

Flash forward to a year ago. I go into early menopause. Hot flashes, night sweats galore. Also dry and atrophy of the vagina. My dr puts me on vaginal HRT. This took several iterations to get the formula right and not have constant irritation. Dr offers me oral or patch HRT- but I have relatives in my family who have had breast cancer. The vaginal cream miraculously cured the sweats and hot flashes. It helps my vagina about 75%. So I am trotting along trying my best to satisfy my husbands sexual needs (he has history of higher sex drive). We usually do it 3 times a week if the vagina is healthy- otherwise it can be 3-5 times a month if it is having a flare up.

So here is my issue- my lovely husband knows my vaginal issues. Suddenly he is making it his mission to ejaculate inside me. He talks about it a lot. One night I was out at the grocery store experiencing a flare up down there. I needed some emotional support from him. I call him up and spend 10 min or so describing the burning and itching. Side note- we had actually had sex a few days prior and I told him it was ok to ejaculate inside me. It was tingling afterwards, and it had been irritated since. I told him we need to back off doing that for a while. He wanted to know how long. I couldn’t give an answer- and he told me that cumming inside me was very important to him as he’s looked forward to it for years. I told him he wasn’t being very sympathetic to me. Sounds like he’s only concerned with ejaculating. This made him angry and he begins to yell at me.

So I ask him what if I can never let him cum in me again- is he going to leave me. No answer. I really got upset then. I am angry he seems only concerned with this and not me. Also- he didn’t answer me that of course he wouldn’t put that above me.

It isn’t fair that he went for years being a chicken regarding a vasectomy but now wants to pressure me to make this happen for him. I worry what he will do if he can’t get his way.
 

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Opinions please!
You might as well could have written the exact history of my marriage. My wife too struggled with the delivery of our second child and afterwards things were always delicate and irritated as it related to sexual intimacy. As a result of irritation her libido sank to below zero and she struggled to make me happy as I still had ample desire. The idea of more kids was off the table, and she didn't want to take birth control as a means to try and feel healthier and normal.

This all changed one day after a visit to her doctor. She got a hysterectomy and she has felt 300% better ever since. Zero irritation. Zero issues with menopause. Zero issues with birth control (although I joke to my doctor that we are still trying). Zero issues with me being too chicken to get a vasectomy. She is now much more capable of enjoying intimacy because all of the problems with irritation have never come back.

So if the birth of your second child was traumatic, you should talk to your doctor to determine if some of your issues are a result of that. I forget the exact procedure that triggered a hysterectomy for my wife, but seems like it involved an ultrasound to investigate for any scarring and tumors.

I know that is not the story and solution you want to read about, but if there is a parallel, my wife feels like her hysterectomy was the best decision ever as she was a new person as a result. She feels great and gets a ton of exercise that she would have never imagined herself enjoying before.
 

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My wife had two very difficult pregnancies and deliveries and I could not get to the urologist's office fast enough after #2 was declared out of the woods.

I walked in the office and said either they disconnect the plumbing or I'll do it myself right here in the lobby in front of God and country, their choice.

I have no sympathy for guys too chicken to do a literally 5 minute procedure.
 

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isn’t fair that he went for years being a chicken regarding a vasectomy but now wants to pressure me to make this happen for him. I worry what he will do if he can’t get his way.
Well you are for sure correct in your viewpoint. More concerned about his pleasure than your health.

Btw, vasectomy is no big deal. A few minutes in doctors office and overnight recovery. Of course at this point it is irrelevant. And the two of you have major challenges ahead with menopause. If he is going to leave over not nutting inside, he will find some other reason even if you let him.
 

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My wife had two very difficult pregnancies and deliveries and I could not get to the urologist's office fast enough after #2 was declared out of the woods.

I walked in the office and said either they disconnect the plumbing or I'll do it myself right here in the lobby in front of God and country, their choice.

I have no sympathy for guys too chicken to do a literally 5 minute procedure.
I had it done like 15 yrs ago, maybe 20yrs. No issues. W did her time on bc pills, then we agreed def no more kids, then I did my part. Sex has never been better.
I haven't worn a condom in 39 years.
 

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Opinions please! Husband and I been married over 20 years and together 3 years before marriage. I was on birth control pills for ten years before we met. A year into our marriage, we decided kids are ok so I came off the pill to give my body a break. We conceived quickly and had our first kid. We used condoms and withdrawal method after this birth. Husband was fine with it.

We discussed him having a vasectomy (I had a difficult labor so didn’t want to risk tubal ligation). He agreed to look into it. Then he chickened out.

The withdrawal method continued until we had the next kid (intentionally a year later). I almost bleed to death in labor for this kid. We then decided no more kids. Still, he refused a vasectomy.

So 15+ years have now passed. We have been doing withdrawal just fine. No issues. Five years ago, I began having yeast infections frequently. After dealing with this, I finally went to a specialist who cultured my vagina and saw a rare yeast that is not treated with normal yeast cream or diflucan pills. I went thru two years of hell battling this type of yeast. Multiple rounds of creams, suppositories, pills, everything to cure it. I finally went almost completely sugar free diet and it went away. I acquired vulvadynia as a result- hyper irritated tissues that are highly sensitive now.

Flash forward to a year ago. I go into early menopause. Hot flashes, night sweats galore. Also dry and atrophy of the vagina. My dr puts me on vaginal HRT. This took several iterations to get the formula right and not have constant irritation. Dr offers me oral or patch HRT- but I have relatives in my family who have had breast cancer. The vaginal cream miraculously cured the sweats and hot flashes. It helps my vagina about 75%. So I am trotting along trying my best to satisfy my husbands sexual needs (he has history of higher sex drive). We usually do it 3 times a week if the vagina is healthy- otherwise it can be 3-5 times a month if it is having a flare up.

So here is my issue- my lovely husband knows my vaginal issues. Suddenly he is making it his mission to ejaculate inside me. He talks about it a lot. One night I was out at the grocery store experiencing a flare up down there. I needed some emotional support from him. I call him up and spend 10 min or so describing the burning and itching. Side note- we had actually had sex a few days prior and I told him it was ok to ejaculate inside me. It was tingling afterwards, and it had been irritated since. I told him we need to back off doing that for a while. He wanted to know how long. I couldn’t give an answer- and he told me that cumming inside me was very important to him as he’s looked forward to it for years. I told him he wasn’t being very sympathetic to me. Sounds like he’s only concerned with ejaculating. This made him angry and he begins to yell at me.

So I ask him what if I can never let him cum in me again- is he going to leave me. No answer. I really got upset then. I am angry he seems only concerned with this and not me. Also- he didn’t answer me that of course he wouldn’t put that above me.

It isn’t fair that he went for years being a chicken regarding a vasectomy but now wants to pressure me to make this happen for him. I worry what he will do if he can’t get his way.
The pull out method is how my gf now wife got pregnant. Daughter is 14 and I joke with my wife she is the best accidental mistake ever! I remember when she was an infant I got her a onsie that had a depiction of a sperm and had the caption Daddys Little Squirt 🤣

Tell him to quit being a baby and just get snipped lol. There is nothing to it. I got to take two valium an hour before and felt like I was wasted on a bottle of jack daniels lol. She babied me for two days while I watched tv. After healing, I had to ejaculate 25 times and then submit a sample. She got a notebook, bottle of lube, and said I will take care of that part 😀.

She stopped taking the pill and I got the clear. The procedure doesn't affect sensation, volume, erection, testosterone, or anything. The procedure itself is painless, just a lot of pressure like having a tooth pulled. Seing smoke rise from the nuts was funny during the procedure but was worth it. Process took 15 minutes and left a tiny scar that I couldn't care less about. They aren't winning a beauty contest lol
 

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Vasectomy doesn't mean no ejaculation.
#2
I hate yeast infection. I don't do vaginal if Wife is showing any symptoms. She has handed her yeast off to me several times in the last few years, then acts like it's my fault.

As to the menopause symptoms. Every woman is different. We don't have the issue you are talking about but we do lubricate liberally.
 

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The pull out method is how my gf now wife got pregnant. Daughter is 14 and I joke with my wife she is the best accidental mistake ever! I remember when she was an infant I got her a onsie that had a depiction of a sperm and had the caption Daddys Little Squirt 🤣

Tell him to quit being a baby and just get snipped lol. There is nothing to it. I got to take two valium an hour before and felt like I was wasted on a bottle of jack daniels lol. She babied me for two days while I watched tv. After healing, I had to ejaculate 25 times and then submit a sample. She got a notebook, bottle of lube, and said I will take care of that part 😀.

She stopped taking the pill and I got the clear. The procedure doesn't affect sensation, volume, erection, testosterone, or anything. The procedure itself is painless, just a lot of pressure like having a tooth pulled. Seing smoke rise from the nuts was funny during the procedure but was worth it. Process took 15 minutes and left a tiny scar that I couldn't care less about. They aren't winning a beauty contest lol
The issue now isn’t vasectomy. Her body cant tolerate anything entering her right now. Makes no difference if he is shooting blanks now.
 

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My wife had two very difficult pregnancies and deliveries and I could not get to the urologist's office fast enough after #2 was declared out of the woods.

I walked in the office and said either they disconnect the plumbing or I'll do it myself right here in the lobby in front of God and country, their choice.

I have no sympathy for guys too chicken to do a literally 5 minute procedure.
In my case when a vasectomy was suggested, my wife and I were going through a lot of marital problems and she often claimed that she didn't love me anymore during that time period. I felt I was still young enough to start over and create another family with someone else if my marriage didn't work out, so that was perhaps my main reason for not having it done.

The OP's husband could feel the same and just saying that he is too chicken to do it to cover up the real reason for not doing it.
 

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The issue now isn’t vasectomy. Her body cant tolerate anything entering her right now. Makes no difference if he is shooting blanks now.
That is true....But I see a lot of guys online who are terrified of a vasectomy. The wife begs for it and doesn't want to go through a much more complicated process of having tubes clamped.
 

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In my case when a vasectomy was suggested, my wife and I were going through a lot of marital problems and she often claimed that she didn't love me anymore during that time period. I felt I was still young enough to start over and create another family with someone else if my marriage didn't work out, so that was perhaps my main reason for not having it done.

The OP's husband could feel the same and just saying that he is too chicken to do it to cover up the real reason for not doing it.
I see your point.

That's actually not an uncommon tactic by women who are thinking of leaving, they don't want their H's to be reproducing elsewhere thus shifting resources to another woman's offspring - so I do get your point.

It woudn't have changed anything for me though because there was no way in hell on earth that I was ever going to have anymore kids again no matter who the next woman was or what the circumstances.

I don't get that from the OP's story though. It sounds like he was appeasing her by saying, "yep, Ok, I'll do that etc' and nodding his head in agreement and then just not doing it. That's being a chicken.
 

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Withdrawl method? seriously?
you are SOOOOO LUCKY you did not get pregnant again.
get a box of ultra thin condoms, and simply tell him he need to use one from now on if he ever wants PIV sex with you again.

there is a rare condition where a woman's vagina becomes allergic to her man's cum. i wonder if this is an issue with you?

Sadly, cunniligus is probably not a good idea for you either, since the risk of infecting yourself is high there too.

its going to be either toys, or condoms, no more PIV sex at all, maybe just some rubbing on the outside....
 

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get a box of ultra thin condoms, and simply tell him he need to use one from now on if he ever wants PIV sex with you again.
Condoms are not good at remaining lubricated and can cause more friction. That could make the OP's situation worse.

I would however recommend lambskin condoms as they will not cause friction like regular ones (although expensive). First time I tried one when trying to avoid pregnancy, I freaked out that it had slid off and upon checking it was still in place. That is how much better those feel compared to regular ones.
 

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.. she didn't want to take birth control as a means to try and feel healthier and normal.
..
I just want to point out here. Birth control doesn't make most women feel healthy or normal. Birth control has lots of side effects including depression and loss of libido.

Well editied to add that if you have really bad PMS or endrometriosis it can help but for many women these side effects happen:

1. Spotting between periods
2. Nausea
3. Breast tenderness
4. Headaches and migraine
5. Weight gain
6. Mood changes
7. Missed periods
8. Decreased libido
9. Vaginal discharge
10. Eye changes
 

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I just want to point out here. Birth control doesn't make most women feel healthy or normal. Birth control has lots of side effects including depression and loss of libido.
However, I can share for some it works out well.

DW didn't have any issues, but due to possible long term health risks I did decide to get the snip. That worked out just fine.

There was a bit of swelling a couple days, couple weeks to heal.

I do remember we had fun making a party of making sure any real ammunition was ejected from the gun multiple times as recommended before blanks were confirmed. A OK.
 

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There is a rare condition where a person is allergic to ejaculate. You've had a lot of other problems, so I doubt that's it, but if your current gyn isn't getting to the bottom of why it would hurt to be ejaculated into, then change doctors! Maybe you are still too thin and fragile in your tissue down there. I will say that the vaginal insert estradial works as well as anything and is supposed to be safe. Be sure your doc isn't just an ob, because they do not stay current on hormone therapy, according to my primary care doctor who cautioned me about using one for gyn. What I do is call the nurse and have them call back and ask if the doctor stays current on hormone therapy, attends conferences, online instruction, etc. Or you can google and insert "hormone therapy" into your search for a doctor because some specialize.

Meanwhile, if intercourse hurts, don't do it. If you are in menopause, can you even still get pregnant? If not, the vasectomy is irrelevant at this point. It doesn't stop him ejaculating.
 

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The vasectomy is not going to help her situation anymore. I guess that after pulling out for years , when you recently let him cum inside of you, he realized how much he missed it. Cuming in your wife is part of the bonding that takes place during sex. This benefits both parties. Another option is to add anal to the mix. Being able to occasionally finish there will give him the closeness he desires from cuming in you.
 
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