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No guy wants a selfless doormat for a wife. It's nice to have a woman like that on the periphery but of course you're going to start sweating like you just saw Freddy Krueger at the thought of marrying one.
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There's a good chance your attitude about marriage will change once you run across someone with some sass and selfishness mixed in with the good qualities. Someone who's love and approval you actually have to earn.
 

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No guy wants a selfless doormat for a wife. It's nice to have a woman like that on the periphery but of course you're going to start sweating like you just saw Freddy Krueger at the thought of marrying one.
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There's a good chance your attitude about marriage will change once you run across someone with some sass and selfishness mixed in with the good qualities. Someone who's love and approval you actually have to earn.
His girlfriend sound like a really nice lady who many men would love to marry.
 

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You don't have to get married to be happy together. It's the 21st century, you know?

P.S. I'm not responding to Diana7! Just my observation.
 

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You don't have to get married to be happy together. It's the 21st century, you know?

P.S. I'm not responding to Diana7! Just my observation.
If you both agree on that. That's why he needs to talk to her about it. If she is hoping/wanting to be married then she needs to be told he doesn't feel the same. It's very unfair if he keeps her hanging on if he doesn't feel committed enough to marry her. There are plenty of men who will.
 

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If she is hoping/wanting to be married then she needs to be told he doesn't feel the same. It's very unfair if he keeps her hanging on if he doesn't feel committed enough to marry her. There are plenty of men who will.
Nowhere the OP has said she wants to be married. She wants kids. Why ruin the status quo? The OP can wait a bit longer until he establishes clearly in his head what he wants to do. He is just panicking because he thinks that, if doesn't pop the question, he will lose her. What about talking about it with her without being stuck in Medieval times, feeling that he has to "pop the question"?
 

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Nowhere the OP has said she wants to be married. She wants kids. Why ruin the status quo? The OP can wait a bit longer until he establishes clearly in his head what he wants to do. He is just panicking because he thinks that, if doesn't pop the question, he will lose her. What about talking about it with her without being stuck in Medieval times, feeling that he has to "pop the question"?
He doesn't know if she does. That's why they need to talk about it. She may or may not be hoping he pops the question but how will he know unless they talk about it?
It's not fair to keep her on a string without telling her how he feels. At least then she can make her mind up knowing all the facts.

I find it bizarre that they have been together all this time and their future together hasn't been talked about. I would have found out way before now what any partners views on marriage and commitment were.

Not sure what your mentions of 'medieval' have to do with anything.
 

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Not sure what your mentions of 'medieval' have to do with anything.
"Popping the question" (proposing) is a very old-fashion way of going about marriage, these days, IMO. As you say, they should discuss it, he shouldn't get on his knee and propose. This is how I interpret it. BTW... I was with my girlfriend for 5 years (we lived together in the last 3) and we never discussed marriage or kids.
 

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"Popping the question" (proposing) is a very old-fashion way of going about marriage, these days, IMO. As you say, they should discuss it, he shouldn't get on his knee and propose. This is how I interpret it. BTW... I was with my girlfriend for 5 years (we lived together in the last 3) and we never discussed marriage or kids.
Most people do seem to still use this lovely method of asking for her hand in marriage.
 

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"Popping the question" (proposing) is a very old-fashion way of going about marriage, these days, IMO. As you say, they should discuss it, he shouldn't get on his knee and propose. This is how I interpret it. BTW... I was with my girlfriend for 5 years (we lived together in the last 3) and we never discussed marriage or kids.
Really? We talked about marriage very early on.
 

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He wants to get married that is clear to me. The problem is that he has been doomscrolling. One of his biggest fears is that sex will dry up with the ink on the marriage license.

So let's discuss that. At least an understanding of it can help our OP. There are predictable and unpredictable reasons that sexless marriage occurs. One predictable but rare reason is bait and switch. This is usually tied to religion and family of origin shame surrounding sex. You can predict it by looking at the sexual relationship of the parents. Another predictable cause of sexlessness is failure to keep the emotional connections strong. Many couples fall into a sexless pattern as complacency and contentment settle in after marriage. You can prevent this kind of sexlessness by being attentive (together) to your partners emotional needs. Often couples marry without really understanding what their partners need from them and as a result they fail to provide it. By being aware and proactive you can prevent this.

Unpredictable sexless ness is common as well but the big danger zone is childbirth. Birth trauma, and postpartum depression, can really throw a wrench into your sex life. Birth trauma, is when the husband after witnessing the miracle of childbirth can't return to thinking of the vagina as the sexual pleasure zone it also is. If you are aware ahead of time you can at least get counseling if you fall into this. Post partum depression is a lot sneakier. it is often severe and debilitating and needs medical support to over come.

This is not an exhaustive list. but is serves to show that preparedness can prevent a lot of sexless scenarios. I advise open and honest communication about your fear. Women have the same fears. Talking and preparing can help to calm those fears.
 

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He wants to get married that is clear to me. The problem is that he has been doomscrolling. One of his biggest fears is that sex will dry up with the ink on the marriage license.

So let's discuss that. At least an understanding of it can help our OP. There are predictable and unpredictable reasons that sexless marriage occurs. One predictable but rare reason is bait and switch. This is usually tied to religion and family of origin shame surrounding sex. You can predict it by looking at the sexual relationship of the parents. Another predictable cause of sexlessness is failure to keep the emotional connections strong. Many couples fall into a sexless pattern as complacency and contentment settle in after marriage. You can prevent this kind of sexlessness by being attentive (together) to your partners emotional needs. Often couples marry without really understanding what their partners need from them and as a result they fail to provide it. By being aware and proactive you can prevent this.

Unpredictable sexless ness is common as well but the big danger zone is childbirth. Birth trauma, and postpartum depression, can really throw a wrench into your sex life. Birth trauma, is when the husband after witnessing the miracle of childbirth can't return to thinking of the vagina as the sexual pleasure zone it also is. If you are aware ahead of time you can at least get counseling if you fall into this. Post partum depression is a lot sneakier. it is often severe and debilitating and needs medical support to over come.

This is not an exhaustive list. but is serves to show that preparedness can prevent a lot of sexless scenarios. I advise open and honest communication about your fear. Women have the same fears. Talking and preparing can help to calm those fears.
It's not a risk-less venture so his attitude might not be totally bad compared to having the idea that the bad stuff only happens to other people. He does come just short of calling her a unicorn though.

I'd add another common issue to your list. People just stop taking care of themselves. Not just their fitness, although that is huge (pun intended) but they give up hobbies and interests. Especially after kids, it's all about the kids and the parents literally don't have a life or personality of their own. The guy goes from being the inshape guy who did martial arts and rode a motorcycle to the guy with the little baby carrier thing on his chest being led around Ikea by his frumpy wife with her Karen haircut.
 

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I'm not sure all women in their late 20s want to get married...
Never said all, speaking generally. Plus we have only part of the story. OP has dropped off. While I'd like to think guys are waking up, generally most think their girl is different and none of the bad stuff will ever happen to them
 
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