You're plan B right now bpm.
Please, if anything in this thread you listen to, please listen to this next sentence.
YOU CANNOT CONTROL HER.
No matter what you do you cannot control what she is going to do. Many betrayed spouses think "I have to save my marriage!!!" and try to get their wayward spouses to do what they want them to and it always backfires.
She is in the land of fog, cake, and pink colored grass and tan seas.
You can't be rational with her.
One, you need to take your respect back from her.
this is gonna be blunt, so I apologize in advance but this is what shes telling you.
"I've been talking with a friend and getting emotional with him but hes far away so don't worry about cheating, oh yeah I also fvcked a guy from the gym awhile back. I don't love you, but instead of letting you go so you can find a woman who does, I'd rather use the children as an excuse to stay with you so I can maintain my lifestyle while I have affairs with my boyfriends, at least until I find one with deep pockets. I mean god forbid I actually have to get a job and take care of myself, as long as you're footing the bill(especially for these new 9000$ boobs you bought for my OMs to enjoy), why leave?You're okay with this right?"
If you accept that she WILL NOT respect you. You can't have love without respect. This will make OM seem like more of the man, and you the walking talking meal ticket who pays for plastic surgery and also functions as a doormat to wipe her shoes off of.
You're at the precipice of your marriage. you have two choices, and despite anything you may say, it is simple, it truly is very simple.
Yes or no answer. No sentences, no excuses, yes or no.
Do you want to be a plan B, at least until your wife finds a OM with a good sized bank account?
If your answer is yes, then consign yourself to your reality.
If your answer is no, then it is time for decisive action
by decisive action I mean severe.
The time for counseling, talking things out, bargaining has past.
Also if you were thinking of it, don't get counseling for her. Counseling is 100% WORTHLESS if shes in contact with other men so if you think paying money to sit her in front of a shrink would magically fix everything, you're dead wrong.
Now lets get onto action.
This will help you. This one action will wake your wife up. This will force her to realize just what shes doing and get out of this cake eating limbo(OMs for sex and emotions, you for finances and watching the kids). Its so very simple and so many more BSs would be better off if they just manned up and did.
That action is, KICK HER OUT.
Before you make excuses, before you try to deny it, it is very simple and as easy as saying 4 words. "I want you out."
Tell her she has till the end of tomorrow to be packed up and out. Tell her that you WILL NOT pay for her to have an affair. Don't pay for her to call her boyfriends, remove her from your cell phone plan(shes already running up a big bill), if you have a joint bank account, take half of it and put it in another and forward your future paychecks into the new one.
You may be thinking "Yeah but I don't want to lose my marriage"
I'm sorry to tell you this, but its too late for that bpm, as its already gone, you're just clinging to the broken pieces of it in limbo.
Can a new marriage be made? Yes, but it depends on you and the actions you take RIGHT NOW.
Stop saying "Shes honest, shes a good person, blah blah justification, rationalization, etc"
Shes not, she may have been, but she isn't now.
You have to realize just how selfish and uncaring she is right now. She is a SAHM, yet she spends the hard money YOU bust your ass for to have an affair? Completely intolerable and if you accept this ridiculous and cruel behavior, and don't take decisive action, your new marriage will never be built.
Before reconciliation is even on the table. You need to get her out of affair fog land, make her own up to her decisions, and go NC with OM. Also shes gonna be doing all this OUTSIDE the marital home.
Don't accept crumbs, get the whole bid, and if she doesn't do any of this, then there was no chance for reconciliation from the start.