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Me culpa.

You were all right.

I was wrong.

I don't think there is a way back from this for us.

Devestated.
I'm sorry to hear this. Stick around. People here weren't trying to make you feel bad. They were trying to help you. They will continue to help you through this devastation that you are currently facing. No one is happy that they were right.
 

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Please site your source that “online cheating and emotional affairs” are so common that “It is a line most of us will cross”. I do not believe this to be true. I think instead that you want this to be true, so as to more easily rationalize your wife’s actions.
Those were my thoughts. Most of us won't cross that line.
 

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Me culpa.

You were all right.

I was wrong.

I don't think there is a way back from this for us.

Devestated.
Oh no! So sorry for the bad news. No one here wants to be right about this kind of stuff, but sadly many here have seen this play out over and over. Just know there are people here that will help you through whatever gets tossed your way.
 

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Full disclosure: I am a betrayed spouse who went through hell with my cheating ex-wife. I learned a lot. I have a zero-tolerance policy for any shenanigans. I can only guess that you have become aware that the EA continues or that it is, in fact, a PA. This is her second affair that you know of within the last four years. Reclaim your dignity and self-worth by seeing a lawyer ASAP and file for divorce. If there is a glimmer of hope to save the marriage, the process can be stopped before it becomes final. But, honestly, why would you bother? You and your children should be all that matters at this point. DO NOT stay in a dysfunctional relationship for the sake of the kids. Yes, it is extremely dysfunctional. She must make a herculean effort at this point to save your marriage, in my mind. I wouldn't accept it. But I am not you. Whatever you have been made aware of, it can't be a total shock or surprise. Please seek solace with family and friends.

The sexual incompatibility issue is horse manure as a reason to cheat. There is obviously a powerful emotional component that exists with the other guy. It seems that at least half of these stories involve coworkers. It is a problem that has no real solution. Spouses can spend more time with workmates than with their partners and families. Feelings develop and it is not uncommon that someone strays. This is not comforting, but it is reality.

You have put up with enough. I urge you to get rid of her and find someone else. Life is just too short. You will end up being an infidelity policeman if you stay and believe me, that is not a way to live.

You are devastated and it is understandable. I know exactly how you feel. Keep moving, plan for your future without her and do it quickly. Concentrate on the next chapter of your life. Let your anger drive you at this point in time. This is a challenge that you must meet head-on. Keep moving and try not to wallow in your grief for too long. She destroyed everything. It is your turn to build a new life with someone who is worthy of your love and commitment.
 

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Me culpa.

You were all right.

I was wrong.

I don't think there is a way back from this for us.

Devestated.
I'm really really sorry to hear report this doc.
I was hoping you were right.
:(

Next advice is...don't leave this board.
Keep talking, we can help.

Take care of yourself.
 

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Doc:

Sad your last post - know that the folks here have listened to the music, seen the show, and walked the path. Our posts were, each with our own words, trying to convey to you what we perceived from what you typed for us to read.

Now whatever it is that has come to the light, know that if you need a place to journal - this place can be that of a sort. And when you post your
questions and worries, folks here can help digest same.

In a odd sort of way, my thinking, seeing someone survive and thrive after infidelity helps us to also live a little bit better with our own history.
remember the cliche' - Misery loves company?
Most of us neither cheer divorce or cheer for reconciliation. We cheer for each betrayed to find their self respect, self confidence, courage to deal
with the heartbreak, the dissolution of our dreams and the loss of our partner whom we thought was for life "till death do us part."

We all survived the pain and agony of betrayal. The many different voices here will add points to consider as you walk your path. And also point
out the many pitfalls that await you -

Whether you stay together or not, you will have to learn to live with the history you have and will continue to create. Can you do that?
You can - and you can thrive but it is you that must work to heal yourself. Will your spouse change and help you heal? You have to gamble that if you stay.

Head Eye Vertebrate Sky Cloud
 

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I have considered this, and again this will depend on his reaction. If she cuts it off and he honours it, then I see no point pushing that. After all, he only reacted to her reaching out. Up to that point, it was just a dirty little fantasy in his mind (and frankly, I couldn't care less about that - my wife's hot and it's that's my win).
He owes you nothing. Your wife is the one that has betrayed your trust twice now. Any anger or other feelings go to your wife only. She has been the aggressor in both circumstances of cheating.
 

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I actually think it is the other way round - she desperately needed my affection and affirmation, and I for years neglected that side of our relationship (we both did in our own ways to be fair). I ignored the warning signs for too long - that's on me. Would nobody who loves their partner do this? I think the statistics clearly show that that is nonsense - relationships are messy grey zones full - and when pushed too far, people can make the wrong decision. Just look around the forum here: a thousand stories, a thousand nuances. Although I hardly blame her at all for what happened, that doesn't mean I'm not hurt, upset and angry about it - but this is balanced out by a deep and reciprocal love and connection.
Her heart was never the issue, it's the body and mind that need to be given the right reasons for staying where they are.

A genuine thank you for the final sentiment.
So, is she taking care of your needs as well now?

Or is the cheater getting catered to by you while your needs still go unmet?
 

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Much as I disagree with the gist of your first post (and my thankyou for dressing it up respectfully), there is truth to this specific statement.
However, the question is whether emotions keep building and those other lines get crossed. Now that I have intervened she has that choice to make. It would appear she has made the right one, but time will tell. And if she doesn't, then I would sadly have to admit you were right all along.
By what you have said this is a one sided relationship.

You obviously love your wife even though things were bad do to BOTH of you.

You wife has gone looking for other men twice now. The last time thinking really had about cheating on you then doing so. You’re completely wrong thinking she cares the same for you as you do her. She has shown you that she can replace you tomorrow.
 

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Me culpa.

You were all right.

I was wrong.

I don't think there is a way back from this for us.

Devestated.
I was so sad to read this this morning. Please get support around you. Family, friends, maybe a counsellor. If it helps keep posting here. Many people here have been through this and want to support you.
 

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Full disclosure: I am a betrayed spouse who went through hell with my cheating ex-wife. I learned a lot. I have a zero-tolerance policy for any shenanigans. I can only guess that you have become aware that the EA continues or that it is, in fact, a PA. This is her second affair that you know of within the last four years. Reclaim your dignity and self-worth by seeing a lawyer ASAP and file for divorce. If there is a glimmer of hope to save the marriage, the process can be stopped before it becomes final. But, honestly, why would you bother? You and your children should be all that matters at this point. DO NOT stay in a dysfunctional relationship for the sake of the kids. Yes, it is extremely dysfunctional. She must make a herculean effort at this point to save your marriage, in my mind. I wouldn't accept it. But I am not you. Whatever you have been made aware of, it can't be a total shock or surprise. Please seek solace with family and friends.

The sexual incompatibility issue is horse manure as a reason to cheat. There is obviously a powerful emotional component that exists with the other guy. It seems that at least half of these stories involve coworkers. It is a problem that has no real solution. Spouses can spend more time with workmates than with their partners and families. Feelings develop and it is not uncommon that someone strays. This is not comforting, but it is reality.

You have put up with enough. I urge you to get rid of her and find someone else. Life is just too short. You will end up being an infidelity policeman if you stay and believe me, that is not a way to live.

You are devastated and it is understandable. I know exactly how you feel. Keep moving, plan for your future without her and do it quickly. Concentrate on the next chapter of your life. Let your anger drive you at this point in time. This is a challenge that you must meet head-on. Keep moving and try not to wallow in your grief for too long. She destroyed everything. It is your turn to build a new life with someone who is worthy of your love and commitment.
This is so right. It is tough but someday you will look back with incredulity on what you tolerated. Dysfunctional, disordered people, like your wife, seldom confine their abusiveness to just infidelity.
One day, you may look back and marvel at the garbage to which you were subjected. Three episodes of cheating ( again, that you know of. That, alone, is an incredible amount of abuse.
 

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@MaroonedDoc , I so wish we were wrong. Your pain is palpable and we feel it, because a lot of us have been exactly where you are now.

Know that no-one here is happy that we were right, but we are all ready to provide you with all the advice and support that we can.

This is a difficult journey you have been forced to embark upon, if you allow us, we can provide you with route-markers that we followed or missed on our journeys.

Strength to you @MaroonedDoc , don't try to walk this road alone because it is perilous and painful.
 

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I truly hate these endings.
When good hearted people get crushed right in front of our eyes.

People suck. I’m moving to the moon.
I hope Doc returns - I'm surmising that the mental processing he formulated has been blown to bits by whatever revelation that has occurred. It will take some time for him to get his gyros caged so he can ask or relate for help going forward here.

''BeyondRepair007" - After I "lost" a really smart good-looking 6 foot blonde girlfriend (really long time ago) - I was thinking I would move somewhere out West where you can't see any neighbors and smoke weed to try and forget my life's situation.
 
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