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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi people .
Will it ever end , I feel like I can't take much more. 2o times I've I'm ok now and 20 times I've sunk again.
Only just last week I felt like I was finally done but this last few days and it's here I go again, probably almost as low again as at any other point.

It's only been a bit over 4 mths since we split , not long after 18yrs I guess but it's just so fkg hard . I was over there last night to be with my daughter too and you have to do it and of course you want to but every time - the next day - whack !
I mean my ex made me tea , desert , went out for a few hrs so we could be alone for awhile . Later she comes home , throws on a dvd , me and my D are just messing about. But it's in this new house , a house she's moved from out of our own home to and into , here I am spending evenings there now to be with my own daughter - it's mad,
Craziest thing is ex and I just talk away around this new home of hers , or on the way out as I go again for well, an hour last night . And then I go home.

No wonder I've hit another low , Jesus !
Plus I'm alone round here , there's no one really. Then the house itself is empty now .

I'm doing all the stuff I'm suppose too these days , have well mostly from about the 2nd -3rd week . Accept the 180 business is a bit confusing here too as I was the one that had an EA and among other things , caused a lot of this and her a lot of pain. That part gets complicated and it's all in here somewhere anyway but that does make well , basically ignoring her at those times , confusing. Although she did this , she's still in a lot of pain from my doing you could say.

The rest of the 180 stuff I do do but we do still talk all the time especially if I'm over there - that's 1/2 for my daughter's sake and 1/2 that it just happens . If we're not getting back together though sometimes it's hard to know if that does me more harm than good though in healing.

All I do know for sure is that these lows just keep on coming , will they ever stop ?
I can't get out hardly at all apart from stuff I have to do , just don't have the money right now . And being out of all our towns on an ac , it costs you to even drive to a shop so when things are tight well .

I know one thing , if next pays a good one I'm filling the damn car up to the brim.
 

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Feeling your pain, Nighthawk.

Same for me, I go over to the house, see my D, then not knowing what to say to WS is just agonizing. Most painful thing ever, isn't it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
Sure is BW , craziest [email protected] I know l'll ever do and the stupidest thing is , we still get along really well ! In this new house of hers it's actually sometimes just like it's us again , a family , only there - until I actually think about it or go to leave.
My poor bloody daughter doesn't know how she's suppose to act either , about all this I mean . Her dad sees her of to bed and then leaves the house, can't get my head a round it !

Sorry about your stuff BW . How are things between you and the ex when your around each other now , or while your over there ?
How do you act with her , treat her ?
Does she stay to while your there ?

ps , how long ago did you split btw ?
 

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Sounds tough, WH. I did the same for a while - I would put D in the tub, get her ready for bed, read some stories to her, kiss her goodnight, then get in the car and drive back to my flat, alone.

That was before Christmas. Until then my W and I got along great, sitting in front of TV holding hands, close to reconciliation. But then her evil mother showed up from London and it was like Jeykill and Hyde, all of a sudden she started treating me lower than whale shyt and has been awful since. Quick example - no acknowledgement of my recent birthday.

Very hard to understand, very hard to deal with.
 

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OK, both of you - I'm at just about the 4 month mark, too, and I have to say I'm come through hell to another side (not pleasant at all yet, but not quite heartwrenching either).

You've got to stop contact if you want to heal. I believe it now when others have said the same thing to me. You are torturing yourselves with these routines and chats and familiar family stuff. You've got to shift, show your D that you can do it on your own even though you don't want to.

Is there a reason why you're still going to the X's place for visits? I'd try to have your D come see you, create your own memories together in your space and know that it will get better, your D will adapt and your emotional health with improve. GReatly, in time.

I know it sounds simple but if you'vebeen hurt badly by someone else I don't believe that you have to be friendly. Friends don't hurt each other and then do nothing to repair the friendship. Same goes for partners and X's, especially the ones who "want to be friends".

I might add, it helps if your X, who has said he would pay rent at the house (with some contribution from me) "for some time," vague MF that he is, decides two days before rent is due that he's only paying half, leaving me to come up with $600 in two days. It definitely helps you realize what you are leaving behind (or what has left you), and you'll be glad. I don't need that!

Best to you both, WH and Bullwinkle.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Sounds tough, WH. I did the same for a while - I would put D in the tub, get her ready for bed, read some stories to her, kiss her goodnight, then get in the car and drive back to my flat, alone.

That was before Christmas. Until then my W and I got along great, sitting in front of TV holding hands, close to reconciliation. But then her evil mother showed up from London and it was like Jeykill and Hyde, all of a sudden she started treating me lower than whale shyt and has been awful since. Quick example - no acknowledgement of my recent birthday.

Very hard to understand, very hard to deal with.
That's no good BW , My Minlaws a snake in the grass too I don't trust her at all , or all W's new found friends that I'm sure got into her ear before all this.
Sorry to hear it BW , she's obviously letting her mum wreck her marriage , that's pathetic .
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Whitehawk,

If it hurts you too much to be there, take your daughter somewhere else.
You think Con , thanks for that ! Trouble my D needs some home time because she's here on the w/ends.
The other confusing thing is as I said I caused this but then , W took this way out. My guilt's all over the place but then there's hurt and anger too now from all this .
So lately I haven't been sure if I should be sucking it up or staying the hell away from her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
OK, both of you - I'm at just about the 4 month mark, too, and I have to say I'm come through hell to another side (not pleasant at all yet, but not quite heartwrenching either).

You've got to stop contact if you want to heal. I believe it now when others have said the same thing to me. You are torturing yourselves with these routines and chats and familiar family stuff. You've got to shift, show your D that you can do it on your own even though you don't want to.

Is there a reason why you're still going to the X's place for visits? I'd try to have your D come see you, create your own memories together in your space and know that it will get better, your D will adapt and your emotional health with improve. GReatly, in time.

I know it sounds simple but if you've been hurt badly by someone else I don't believe that you have to be friendly. Friends don't hurt each other and then do nothing to repair the friendship. Same goes for partners and X's, especially the ones who "want to be friends".

I might add, it helps if your X, who has said he would pay rent at the house (with some contribution from me) "for some time," vague MF that he is, decides two days before rent is due that he's only paying half, leaving me to come up with $600 in two days. It definitely helps you realize what you are leaving behind (or what has left you), and you'll be glad. I don't need that!

Best to you both, WH and Bullwinkle.
Thanks Lucy . Are your kids living with you though ? Anyway I can't speak for BW but I'd say see we both visit to be with them more and to give our kids some home time stability through the week because my D usually has to house hop now back over to my place on the w/ends. She's only 11 so she has enough to cope with in all this bs.
I'm hoping in time she'll be able to spend more time at my place but you know , how can I expect an 11yr old to live in two homes 50/50 right now so myself I'm trying fill that in with visits for now.
I do take her out all the time , but I can't every time or she'd be too exhausted for school.

The W and I being nice to each other , well first up no 1 , according to studies and it's common sense anyway I guess but that's the best by far for the kids, by a mile .
The second thing is , I think W feels guilty now for taking this way out and doing this to us and I feel guilty for what I did that caused it .
Confused , you bet I am . That and we still just get along , this shouldn't have happened !
 

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Same thing for me, Lucy and WH.

WS and I were getting along great for months, I thought we were ready to reconcile, then she and her mum drank the purple Kool-aid together and now we barely speak. My D is only two and I really can't be dragging her out most evenings, she's in bed by eight.

I do want to slowly getting her to my place more as time goes on but often it's easier for all concerned if I go to my ex-house and play with her and read books, etc, while her mum goes shopping, getting a pedi, that stuff.

Hang tough, WH.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Same thing for me, Lucy and WH.

WS and I were getting along great for months, I thought we were ready to reconcile, then she and her mum drank the purple Kool-aid together and now we barely speak. My D is only two and I really can't be dragging her out most evenings, she's in bed by eight.

I do want to slowly getting her to my place more as time goes on but often it's easier for all concerned if I go to my ex-house and play with her and read books, etc, while her mum goes shopping, getting a pedi, that stuff.

Hang tough, WH.

Will do Bw will do and you too hey . It's a trial/ error and adjusting period for us all and especially our kids isn't it.
I just spent an hr on the phone to a parent kid counselor as I've done 4 or 5 times as thing happen that I'm not sure how to handle.

Happy to say though W and I are doing a great job and very responsible they've said every time. Mostly the right things to would you believe cept the problem I needed to ask about - nother story.

Sorry about the M inlaw BW , that [email protected] makes me so angry . I can't for the life of me understand how parents so self indulge at times as serious as this , just can't !

Anyway BW , the biggest message I get from the counselors every time is don't give up on our kids . Persist, keep trying, be patient , don't expect too much too soon, give them time and be gentle with them about it all .
If you have problems relating to your kids your not sure how to handle with all this , see if you can find a parent kids line counselor if you haven't already. They specialize in anything children and parenting - huge help I can tell you .
 
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