Nobody wants some out of control emotional wreck, however he sounds like exhibits next to no emotions. I am also emotional, however that makes me who I am, and I like to think, I'm kind, caring and compassionate. if i take away my emotions, i would lose a big part of me that makes the person i am.Here are the problems: I often feel little respect from him, I feel he treats me like a child, it seems he always wants to be right, I can never have a deep conversation with him, I feel he doesn’t ever respect my point of view if it differs from his, I feel in discussions that he is sometimes condescending (he attacks my beliefs, knowledge, intelligence, weight, and most of all “the dreamer” in me. He criticizes that I am too emotional and not pragmatic/down to earth enough)
It says a lot about him that in disagreements he resorts to personal attacks. he really needs to work on that, it shows great immaturity.
A good man, one who is worthy of being a life partner is one with empathy and who is respectful. He sounds very cold. Plenty of men have compassion and empathy.He is not very compassionate in general
He calls me too sensitive, but I don’t know how to change that about myself. I would like to learn how to control my feelings though.
I feel little interest, support and compassion from him about my chronic medical condition (nothing life-threatening, but I am often in pain)
He should be concerned with your comfort and genuinely care if his behaviour is positively effecting the relationship. A lot of man boys with something to prove, who have low self esteem and don't know who they are behave the way you are describing. They do not make great partners. I care about my behaviour and my partners comfort level. I behave in a way that is good for our relationship. He does the same for me. that is what adults do.He has a mean sense of humor and I often feel bullied by him (which brings back memories of my own childhood, during which I was bullied by my classmates all the time) He can be a bit sadistic and seems to target my insecurities.
He can be extremely rude. He uses a lot of vulgar language, which embarrasses me.
This is bad. I believe good men have direction and purpose, a man without it loses attraction for women. They seem lazy and unaccountable. They don't have to be rich, but they need to have a desire to take care of the bills and of their family.I feel that he has little ambition, which makes me wonder if I will have to be the only breadwinner one day
All of that shows more immaturity. Swaeting the small stuff is akin to being abusive IMo. When someone is constantly getting angry over small issues, it makes them impossible to live with. It also shows again that they feel the need to all ways be right and can therefore never be happy.I feel infantilized and that he does not really see me like a woman
He often gets extremely annoyed, irritated, and angry with me
He sweats the small stuff, I sweat the big stuff
That's not about being honest, that is about pushing the boundaries and hurting you. We can all perve on people all the time if we want and be "honest", however what we are really doing is not respecting the ones we love, not focusing on our relationship and what we do have and creating insecurity and divide in the relationship.I feel he is a bit egoistic
He is almost too honest sometimes, he keeps telling me when he is attracted to women he sees in magazines. He describes them in rude ways to me, which I find gross. Is he just a pig or do many men do that?
It's kind of like the parents who are never happy with their children, when their children are doing well and doing their best, they point out the other more perfect children and harm their children and their self esteem. People who do that to others are mean and cruel.
Marriage is about compromise, and both of you should be willing to spend time doing what the other likes or wants.meaning of marriage seems to be different for us
I feel like we can never do anything spontaneous
I find it sad that he is so anti-social and doesn’t seem to enjoy spending time with people. We have no common friends.
You are married and he isn't even sharing with you? I am astounded, he sounds so very selfish. You must feel very alone, and that's not a nice feeling in a marriage.He is often extremely rational and does not believe in anything spiritual. I am very different in that way.
We cannot have any intellectual conversations about my passions/art
He is not generous at all. In fact, he counts every penny. He does not like to share things, especially not food/meals.
A good man will want be careful with money so that he knows he can take care of his wife should an emergency arise, however he will also want to be generous with her and ensure there is a good balance.
If you do not like porn he should not watch it. Nothing (particularly not porn) should come before your relationship. Any man who continues to watch porn, instead of focusing on their relationship is not adult enough to take their marriage where it needs to go.I feel that he often objectifies women. He seems to be obsessed with pornography.
Porn is highly addictive and very disrespectful to women.
From what you wrote it seems like that is where he wants you. he certainly isn't helping the issue.I am not my best self when I am with him. I feel needy, scared, depressed, dependent, trapped, disillusioned.
I constantly feel upset about some of the things he says.
It is not attractive for a man to have no core values. he is a man you cannot trust nor depend on.He doesn’t appreciate my sense of humor. In fact he claims, I have none.
I don’t really know who he is. He keeps changing his mind about things all the time. He is very hard to follow and is easily influenced by things. There is no core to his identity, I find.
That is what a marriage is, doing things for each other. you should be able to depend on him for things and he should be able to depend on you.He does do some things for me sometimes, but complains about it and gets very annoyed. I am dependent on him for a lot of things, which is my fault (I often ask him to help me move stuff in the house or install things, plus I’m terrible at handling my finances and taxes)
Your fear is paralising you and stopping you from having the life you deserves.We have lots of fights about money, which is why we don't even share our food at home.
Also, I am absolutely terrified of being alone, especially since I have no family. I have a lot of single friends and they are miserable.
Is there any hope at all and if not how could I ever survive being on my own?
The worse he treats you and the more you put up with it, the more he learns that you are doormat and you will stick around.
this man child is no way ready for marriage and he does not deserve you.
You need counseling.
You could outline what you need from the marriage, the boundaries you have for a healthy relationship and ask him to step up, come to counseling and really try and make a huge changes or move on.
I believe since you are young and have no children that you should move on. Your relationship is unhealthy.
But whatever you do, work on your self esteem.
Oh and I hate to go all Dr Phil on you but I think he said, that the only thing worse then staying in a bad relationship for 5 years is staying in a bad relationship for 5 years and 1 day.