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Last night was really weird, my wife broke down and cried for no real reason really. She said she doesn't feel secure with our marriage, and that she doesn't feel appreciated. It seems directly linked to counselling, she's STILL not happy about it. Regardless I dropped a bomb on her...

... I told her that I've been planning a renewal of vows with her, to keep a promise 4 years after getting married, to give her the dream wedding she has always wanted. Well... she was in shock, and then she cried even more lol

She told me today that she's really touched by my plans but she's not ready for even her dream ceremony when she's like this - and like this means going to counselling and keeping her hands off me for a while until we get it sorted.

Sorry... not compromising in this, been an issue too long.
I don't know what to do...

I hate to see her this unhappy to the point she can't even be happy about us having a renewal ceremony, but I just can't put out 3x a day to keep her happy! *sighs* I don't know how long counselling will talk to help her or what I can do to speed it up.
 

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Just keep loving her, assuring her you're there for life and let her know you'll plan the renewal of vows together when she feels ready and more settled.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
^ It seemed to make her cry even more last night when I told her stuff like that - like being there for her for life etc =/

It's almost as if non-sexual love is hurting her! But that's just the impression I got trying to deal with her last night
 

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^ It seemed to make her cry even more last night when I told her stuff like that - like being there for her for life etc =/

It's almost as if non-sexual love is hurting her! But that's just the impression I got trying to deal with her last night
It probably is, in a way. She's having to face the prospect of learning all over again what "love" should look like. That's huge. It's not like some house project where you say, "no this is the way you do it" and then it all works better. This is changing her at the very core.

Think about when you quit drinking. It wasn't just a matter of not having alcohol, right? You had to find something else that you liked to drink after work. You had to break the habit of that "quitting time" drink. You had to get used to a whole new view on things sober. You had to get used to actually dealing with things instead of hiding out in your cave with some beers. It was a big change that went far beyond just switching out beer for tea (or whatever), right?

What your wife is doing is kind of the same thing--only much bigger. And she's been pushed into it, which makes it a bit harder as well. You were the one who decided you should quit drinking. She's having to decide to fully participate in therapy, but she wasn't the one to decide to walk through the door, really.

It's just going to take time and I'm betting there will be a lot more tears to come as she puts her pieces back together...
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
Argh... looks like I'll have to put up with her making me feel like sh-t then, hell now it's a test to see if I'm a patient husband or not >.<!

EDIT: Sorry, random vent above, but...
Thanks for that, it does make more sense now.
 
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