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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I know there are similar posts regarding this, but I wanted to start a new one so I could immediately get some advice. A little background......

We came together after two divorces each (third times a charm, right?). She brought with her two great kids, one from each ex. I love them as if they were my own and have three beautiful granddaughters. When we met she was smoking hot! 38 years old, blond blue 5'4 135 pounds, beautiful face, ass, legs, breasts.....sure a few stretch marks but who cares. I was 37 6'1 155-160 pounds. Our sex life was over the top, and there wasn't much we couldn't/didn't do. I felt as though I had found my sexual/sole mate. Use you imagination.......

Fast forward ....... She's now obese by medical standards. I knew she had gained weight, and she recognizes that she's gained weight, but I didn't know how much until I accompanied her to a doctor visit and they weighed her. HOLY SH*t......175 pounds. I about fell over.

She knows she's overweight (fat) but not much has changed in her habits. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but I'm still the same weight as when we first met, and still love sex. But after THOUSANDS of dollars spent with a weight loss "Doctor" she hasn't changed her eating habits or lifestyle. She'll come home from a doctor visit and proudly proclaim that she's lost 3-4 pounds, and then when we have dinner she doesn't cut back, and then eats popcorn and drinks a Coke afterwards......and I'm still full from dinner. WTH?????

I'm still a normal horny husband, but I can't get past the weight/fat. She's known from day one that a parter's weight is a big deal to me. Sure the kissing and some foreplay get me ramped up, and her too, but when I work my way down her body and over her bloated belly and start to go down on her (I love performing oral) it becomes a turn off when while I'm licking away I look up and can't look her in the eyes as her belly is in the way. And when it comes to PIV it all starts off well missionary, but after she cums a couple of times I can't finish. When her belly makes it difficult for me to really get into her it's a huge turn off. Missionary is about the only position she will do because the others would crush me.

I'm sorry for the lengthy post....venting out of frustration. I've tried to get her to go to a gym, or just do some extended walking, but to no avail.

I am now a firm believer that if you're looking to start a relationship with someone new, take a look at her mom. That's what you'll end up with in the end.......and I did.
 

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Start accepting her the way she is. She is born in a family where as you said even her mum is heavyweight. Sex is not about satisfying only yourself. The more you satisfy her, am sure she will do the same too. I do understand there are limitations for you now because of her heavy weight that you cannot do doggy style or stuffs. But just dont keep in your mind that she has gained weight a lot. Afterall, for we men, blowjobs and licking is all matters... so, if she is good at it then pay no heed to her weight.

And lastly, better spend your hard earned money buying sex toys than on doctors consultation charges.


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Have you addressed it?
 

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Did your sexual adventures include other people? I've heard of women who weren't really into non-monogamy gain weight deliberately (consciously or unconsciously) and then maintain gained weight so that they don't "have to" do the group thing anymore. Some will also comfort eat rather than address their real feelings openly with their partner for fear they will be rejected and seen as a buzz kill.
 

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I know there are similar posts regarding this, but I wanted to start a new one so I could immediately get some advice. A little background......

We came together after two divorces each (third times a charm, right?). She brought with her two great kids, one from each ex. I love them as if they were my own and have three beautiful granddaughters. When we met she was smoking hot! 38 years old, blond blue 5'4 135 pounds, beautiful face, ass, legs, breasts.....sure a few stretch marks but who cares. I was 37 6'1 155-160 pounds. Our sex life was over the top, and there wasn't much we couldn't/didn't do. I felt as though I had found my sexual/sole mate. Use you imagination.......

Fast forward ....... She's now obese by medical standards. I knew she had gained weight, and she recognizes that she's gained weight, but I didn't know how much until I accompanied her to a doctor visit and they weighed her. HOLY SH*t......175 pounds. I about fell over.

She knows she's overweight (fat) but not much has changed in her habits. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but I'm still the same weight as when we first met, and still love sex. But after THOUSANDS of dollars spent with a weight loss "Doctor" she hasn't changed her eating habits or lifestyle. She'll come home from a doctor visit and proudly proclaim that she's lost 3-4 pounds, and then when we have dinner she doesn't cut back, and then eats popcorn and drinks a Coke afterwards......and I'm still full from dinner. WTH?????

I'm still a normal horny husband, but I can't get past the weight/fat. She's known from day one that a parter's weight is a big deal to me. Sure the kissing and some foreplay get me ramped up, and her too, but when I work my way down her body and over her bloated belly and start to go down on her (I love performing oral) it becomes a turn off when while I'm licking away I look up and can't look her in the eyes as her belly is in the way. And when it comes to PIV it all starts off well missionary, but after she cums a couple of times I can't finish. When her belly makes it difficult for me to really get into her it's a huge turn off. Missionary is about the only position she will do because the others would crush me.

I'm sorry for the lengthy post....venting out of frustration. I've tried to get her to go to a gym, or just do some extended walking, but to no avail.

I am now a firm believer that if you're looking to start a relationship with someone new, take a look at her mom. That's what you'll end up with in the end.......and I did.


Yeah and i missed the point about 170 pounds : i believe you expect her to be in perfect shape even after marriage and delivering kids, which is practically very difficult.
After looking at 170 pounds pic, i now feel an urge to have sex from behind i swear .... lol !!!


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Discussion Starter #8
Start accepting her the way she is. She is born in a family where as you said even her mum is heavyweight. Sex is not about satisfying only yourself. The more you satisfy her, am sure she will do the same too. I do understand there are limitations for you now because of her heavy weight that you cannot do doggy style or stuffs. But just dont keep in your mind that she has gained weight a lot. Afterall, for we men, blowjobs and licking is all matters... so, if she is good at it then pay no heed to her weight.

And lastly, better spend your hard earned money buying sex toys than on doctors consultation charges.


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What do toys have to do with anything? And you're considering that blowjobs are even in the picture. I love licking, but as I mentioned in my post I love oral sex with her, but when I can't see her face and she won't allow herself an oral orgasm what's the point?
 

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What do toys have to do with anything? And you're considering that blowjobs are even in the picture. I love licking, but as I mentioned in my post I love oral sex with her, but when I can't see her face and she won't allow herself an oral orgasm what's the point?


Licking her while she is sitting on the chair or on the table will make you see her face. This is not possible if she lay down in bed.


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Does she do much exercise at all?

Maybe the gym is boring to her.
It can be lonely & boring for her to do it alone.
Have you tried to get her involved in fun activities that are like exercises such as Zumba, aerobics class or just anything fun like a dance class?
You could do it with her and it will also improve imitacy as well!

40 pounds is a lot of weight to lose and requires a lot of determination and dedication, you may need to help with that.

This is bad advice but I'll tell you anyway, my husband is extremely turned off by larger women, he is vocalising about it the whole time regarding females he works with or on TV, it's terrible and cruel, I know, but it's my motivation to bypass the junk food aisles while shopping and do exercise because I know he'd feel the exact same way as you.

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Discussion Starter #13
Yeah and i missed the point about 170 pounds : i believe you expect her to be in perfect shape even after marriage and delivering kids, which is practically very difficult.
After looking at 170 pounds pic, i now feel an urge to have sex from behind i swear .... lol !!!


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As I mentioned earlier she was at 135 pounds years (6 years after the youngest) after having the kids. I tried having sex with her "from behind", and she asks why I don't want to have face to face sex.
 

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That seems pretty skinny to me, and it makes me wonder how realistic your expectations are.



You can't help what you find attractive, but I don't think she's the one with a problem in this scenario.


I totally agree with GTdad ...

You never know you weighing that much might be an issue for her too but she never complain about it and have started accepting you the way you were / are...


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If you're serious about helping your wife lose weight then you need to change your own eating habit. You don't take an alcoholic into a bar and expect him to have a ginger ale. You shouldn't keep unhealthy food in your house if your wife is a food addict.

The entire family needs to cut sugar, carb and fat out of your meals. Your diet needs to be centered around low caloric protein and fiber. You BOTH need to learn to portion your meal. You cannot eat until you're full and expect her to eat a small morsel.

This is not about your sex drive, it's about her health. If you want her to live a full and healthy life YOU need to put in the effort. Show her that you care more about her life than about her ass.
 

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and she won't allow herself an oral orgasm what's the point?
I tried having sex with her "from behind", and she asks why I don't want to have face to face sex.
Could it be the big problem with your attraction to her isn't her weight but rather that there are too many "no's" on her sex list?
 

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As I mentioned earlier she was at 135 pounds years (6 years after the youngest) after having the kids. I tried having sex with her "from behind", and she asks why I don't want to have face to face sex.


Having sex face to face is her choice which she like it ... not everyone like doggy style / from behind...


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Discussion Starter #18
Did your sexual adventures include other people? I've heard of women who weren't really into non-monogamy gain weight deliberately (consciously or unconsciously) and then maintain gained weight so that they don't "have to" do the group thing anymore. Some will also comfort eat rather than address their real feelings openly with their partner for fear they will be rejected and seen as a buzz kill.
Yes, as you can see in my previous posts our sexual adventures did include other people. It's still a huge turn on to me to remember those times, but they were years ago. At this point I would be happy to keep those memories in my mind for solo time, and just want my original hot wife back.

Why wouldn't a woman want other men besides her husband wanting to get them in the sack? Most guys would love knowing that other women want them. I know I would!
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I totally agree with GTdad ...

You never know you weighing that much might be an issue for her too but she never complain about it and have started accepting you the way you were / are...


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I've always been "thin" and that was the way I was when we first met. If she didn't like me that way in the beginning why would she have married me?

She's the one that has changed.

"A woman gets married hoping to change the man.....a man gets married hoping the woman will never change".
 

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You can try to find more outdoor activities to do with her - even walking can make a big difference in fitness.

Overall though - people age and its often not a pretty sight - unless you really love them in which case you don't notice. Someday she will be old, grey haired and wrinkled, and you should still love her.

I've been married 30 years. My wife has gained weight, has wrinkles, has a deformed breast from breast-cancer surgery, scars, blemishes etc. I don't care - I don't see the body, I see the beautiful 18 year old I met by firelight so long ago. There are issues in my marriage, but lack of desire for my wife has never been an issue.
 
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